Am I in love with someone I shouldn`t be in love with?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Postby discogreat » Fri Aug 08, 2003 10:59 pm

Firstly, I must thank you all for replying,
This has been the first week back after the holidays and it has been a nightmare. We have little contact and I`m really finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact he hates me. We passed each other in a corridor and he mubbled some greeting but I just ignored him as I don`t want to be hurt again.The people who he works with say he is being childish, but no one seems to bother. I was told by one member of management that he was getting `help`, yet I went to see another member who told me I have lots of friends and should just forget him...which is right but I`m finding it difficult to `let go`. I feel responsible for what has happened but really don`t know what I`ve done or how to sort it out. The general management thinking is it is something and nothing but it is really taking it out of me. I can`t honestly see light at the end of the tunnel unless one of us leaves. It is 7 weeks today since all this started and I`ve never felt so low.
Once again thanks for those who reply.
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Aug 09, 2003 2:11 pm

Hi discogreat,
I`m sorry you`re feeling low...but you can not let this person ruin your life. You said in the orgininal post back in july that you`ve known him since febuary. That`s only 6 months. You had a life before that which he wasn`t involved in.
If he `mubbles` to you when he`s passing then just ignore him if it makes you feel better.
If he`s getting `help` then HE not YOU is the one with the problem, the management think it`s nothing because it only is to you and him.
Never mind `light at the end of the tunnel`, you`re not in a tunnel, you`re letting the way he`s treated you drag you down.
Concentrate on the friends you have, his attitude just shows him up for what he is............. a child.
As for him hating you...does it really matter what he thinks? NO

The next few weeks may be difficult but you finally admitting it`s got you low is a start....in the words of YAZZ....THE ONLY WAY IS UP.
You laught with your friends, you hug the girls that make him jealous, you be YOU!!!!!! When he does notice you make sure he knows what HE`S missing.
Next time you post I hope you`re feeling better.
Take CARE and remember you are in charge of this not him.
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Postby woodyyear » Mon Aug 11, 2003 9:06 pm

Hi, been away for a few days so just catching up.
You say, discogreat, that you feel responsible for what has happened...you are not. You never asked him to complain about you, you never asked him to sit alone.
ITS ALL HIS CHOICE.
Stop counting the weeks, as jasperlens says you can`t let him ruin your life. He`s just a spolit brat...nothing more...nothing less. He sounds to be jealous of you having other friends ,reading between the lines. You stick with your friends....if it is meant to be he`ll come back to you.....if he doesn`t...it`s his loss.
Now discogreat, post soon and tell us you`re doing better.
8)
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sorry if this is slightly/majorly off the subject.

Postby hitchcockm00 » Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:08 am

I don't know wether this is completely off the subject or anything because I havn't read very much of theis thread.

My problem is that I'm going out with this girl who I love to bits and don't want to split up with.
I'm friends with a few other girls but its just friends, out of these other girls the one I consider to be my best friend is Debz, untill a few weeks ago I considered her as just a friend and nothing else but slowly I started to fancy her. On the last day of term we were saying goodbye to each other and we hugged (just a friendly hug), I realise that was just a friendly goodbye hug but I had never even hugged a girl before so I was quite happy and suddenly felt really strongly for her. As I said at the start, I am in a relationship with a girl who I don't want to leave so I told a friend that I fancied Debz and he told Debz this. She thinks I took the hug the wrong way even though I didn't.
Debz told me not to dump my girlfriend and I didn't so everything is OK there. The problem is that I havn't seen Debz since the hug and I don't know how me fancying her will effect our friendship, also I am worried that I fancied another girl apart from my girlfriend.

If you understood that then please help me.

(please note that I'm 14 so don't say anything inapropriate please)
Look into my eyes and its easy to see,
one and one make two, two and one make three.
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Postby jasperlens » Fri Aug 15, 2003 8:40 pm

Hi hitckcockm00,
Don`t worry about this it`s all part of growing up,you say you love your girlfriend to bits and don`t want to split up with her...well don`t.
Debz` hug has had an effect on you because you say you`d never hugged a girl before, so really you and your girlfriend don`t seem that close. It`s natural to fancy more than one girl so PLEASE don`t worry.
Onto the orgininal thread, and discogreat, I hope you`re doing ok. I read
what woodyyear wrote and agree 100% with it. I hope you`re feeling better and if you read this drop a line to let us know you`re doing well.
Take care
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Postby discogreat » Sat Aug 16, 2003 1:29 pm

Hi jasperlens,
Yes I`m still around and this past week has been really good, nothing has changed but I`m feeling better about things for the first time in ages.The `young man` spoke on tues and wed to say `morning` and I ignored him, On thursday he spoke again and I asked him why he was speaking after he told lies about he. He became upset and tearful so I walked away. I know he needs some kind of help, I`m assured he`s getting it, but don`t know if he is.
At the moment I`m not ready to `be friends` with him, if this will pass I don`t know, but someone who he works with has seem someone higher up about his moods and so-on. So at least I know it`s not just me imagining it.
I still miss the friendship, but realise I can`t change him, it`s up to him.
I`ll keep you posted and thanks to you all. :lol:
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Postby jasperlens » Sun Aug 17, 2003 7:51 am

Glad to hear you`re doing better discogreat,
You still may have some dark days concerning this isue but you seem to be getting on top of it. If he is `speaking` I suppose it`s a start, as for him getting tearful...well it`s his problem to work out.
It is a good thing for you too that someone else has seen how he is and reported it, as if you were the only person seeing it I suppose the management could see it as `sour grapes`.
Take care and keep us posted.
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Postby sovs » Sun Aug 17, 2003 4:27 pm

I think ignoring him is the best thing to do.
He seems very mixed up and the best thing is to steer clear and let him get himself sorted.
Well done for staying strong and not letting the allegations get you down.

Good luck for the future :)
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Aug 23, 2003 3:11 pm

Hi discogreat,
I was talking to my sister just the other day and she works with young people. She was talking about a situation about someone who had become withdrawn and starting making up tales...(sound familier). When it all came out the person involved was having trouble at home.
So mate don`t worry....it will sort its self out some time. Hope you`re still doing well.
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Postby discogreat » Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:12 am

Hi All,
Just a quick up-date.
He is still sitting alone.
Someone left the firm because they were depressed working with him.0
Him and I have no contact what so ever, he spoke last and i just ignored him and walked away.
Had a meeting up with management who told me he was still `hurt, upset and wasn`t moving on`I told them it was nothing to do with me and that I`d told them this weeks ago and nothing had been done.
I`m resigned to the fact that we will never be friends again.
Thank you all for replying over the past months and helping me.
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Postby saz » Tue Sep 16, 2003 8:17 pm

I have just read your entries. My view is that he is (obviously) a very unstable insecure person.

If you ask me, i think that he has a little game going on with everyone. You are running around worrying about him - which is what he wants! You are almost torturing yourself wondering why he is behaving this way, he cries and makes a fuss and hey presto - instant attention!! I bet he has no mates outside of work and his initial purpose was to befriend you. When you (like everyone else probably) decided he was a bit strange he has hit you with a sort of punishment - to make your life as miserable as his.

He probably sits at home brooding about everything and so do you. The way out of this is to break the cycle somehow. Leaving seems v dramatic but from what you have said, they are all running like the wind out of your company. Maybe you need to sit down and have a meeting with your colleagues/management and tell them that this situation is unacceptable. It is not good for anyones mental wellbeing and god knows how it is affecting your work. it needs to be made clear to him to pack it in, transfer, leave or get some help. Your management might be able to persude him to take one of these options. I know they probably worry about unfair dismissal etc but make sure that you all keep notes of the situation to back you up. It would be his word against your whole company.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby discogreat » Wed Sep 17, 2003 11:59 am

Hi saz,
You are so right, I`m really no longer bothered about him although i do feel sorry for him.
The other week the payphone at work was broken and reported, this was on a friday. We were told it would be monday when someone would come to fix it.
Now the young man has been walking around with a mobile phone saying he is `texting a friend`, when a few of us went for a tea break we heard him talking loudly on the broken pay phone (he never knew it was broken) arranging to `meet someone`He knew we would be having our break at that time.
He is very unstable and insecure, a new man started in his department and asked him if he was going to the break room, he said he didn`t go because because `he`d had a falling out with one of the lads and top management had been involved`
He is very brooding about it all and I feel I`m outside of it all now and he has brought on all this himself. To be honest the management are not really bothered about the whole thing as it has not affected my work one bit.
Still, he knows where I am.
Thanks again
discogreat
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Postby jasperlens » Wed Sep 17, 2003 10:15 pm

Hi discogreat,
Glad to see its no longer getting you down.
As for the phone incident well it shows him up. If he`s told this new man about the situation it shows he`s still affected by it.
As for you `feeling sorry` for him, its not worth it. I agree with everything that saz says and by showing you are not interested any more you have `broken the cycle`.
However the telephone incident and him telling this new man suggest to me that he wants to remind you he`s still there.
Take care mate, and as always let us know what happens.
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Postby saz » Thu Sep 18, 2003 11:12 am

Sorry but i really laughed when i read about the phone incident. I would not have been able to stop laughing at him while he was doing it and would probably have wet myself!
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby woodyyear » Thu Sep 18, 2003 11:08 pm

:lol: I too laughted when i read about the phone, seriously though it must hurt him to see you with all your mates whilst he is alone.
In his mind it`s you that has done him wrong and I`m sorry saz, but I must disagree with your earlier post, I think the `young man` is not sort of punishing `discogreat`, but is punishing himself.
As I said in my earlier posting the only person responsible for this mess is him.
But discogreat you really must leep us informed, I have visions of him surfing the net, coming across this site and ...........well !!!!
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