Am I in love with someone I shouldn`t be in love with?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Postby saz » Mon Sep 22, 2003 10:24 pm

Hi discogreat would love to know how it is going at work.

I know what you mean Woodyyear when you say he is not punishing discogreat but really he is and he knows he is. He doesn't just sound sad and lonely, he has gone to great lengths to be nasty and spiteful. He has a lot of hatred for everyone else. He may well hate himself, but maybe part of the problem is that he cannot understand why people dont like him because he cant see what he has ever done wrong. I mean, it seems to me that he reported discogreat because he was trying to punish someone for not being his friend.

Anyway, i hope everything is ok and that he has calmed down a bit.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby discogreat » Sun Sep 28, 2003 3:37 pm

Hi Saz,
I understand what you are saying and I can see that nasty streak in him.
To be honest I only see him at work except when we are clocking off and he`s started nodding to acknowledge me and speaking when no one else is around....then the next day he`ll ignore me all together.
The strange part is I`m no longer bothered what he does it`s almost as if he`s doing it to remind me he`s still there.
The other person who worked with him has left saying he could no longer work with him !!!!!!!!!! The management have done nothing about it
.
Thank you for your advice and take care.
disogreat
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Postby jasperlens » Wed Oct 01, 2003 10:47 pm

Hi discogreat,
I said in my last post he was doing these things to let you know he was there, and I agree with saz that he is playing games.
As for the other person he worked with has left because of him...well that shows HE has the problem. I`m taking it that all these `workmates` are male. This man has a problem with men...pure and simple...make of that what you will.
You must be careful around him, the nodding and speaking are maybe his way of setting you up for another fall.
He sounds a nasty spiteful person and as for the management doing nothing about it.......they may well be doing and you don`t know about it.
Keep us posted.
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Postby discogreat » Sun Dec 07, 2003 9:11 pm

Hi jasperlens,
It`s been almost three months since i`ve visited this site so please forgive my rudeness in not replying sooner.
The situation at work with him is pretty much the same, we know for a fact the management have had a `serious talking to` with him about his attitude to another worker. He works with this older woman as well who has a reputation as a trouble maker and he always make a fuss of her when I`m around and he shows himself up.
I just let him get on with it now.
Again sorry for not replying sooner.
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Dec 20, 2003 3:19 pm

:o
Hi Discogreat,
I`m surprised this whole situation is still going on as it all kicked off in June half a year ago. It sounds like he`s still being foolish and if he makes a fuss of this woman when you`re around he`s still `upset`by you!
Maybe things will change in the new year but seriously would you trust him again? He needs to change and in a way so do you. Maybe you shouldn`t be so `trusting` with people and don`t let yourself to be walked over. You say management have given him a `serious talking to`. This shows that he is a troublemaker.
Take care
Happy Christmas
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Postby Llisa » Sat Dec 20, 2003 4:04 pm

I've don't remember seeing this topic before, otherwise I most definitly would have replied.
Why has no one suggested that the reason he is upset around is because he isn't gay? I've had a few lesbians hit on me, and being a straight person, I found it extremely uncomfortable. I personally don't think that he's being immature at all, but that he genuinely upset that this has happened. If anything, he is showing more maturity by staying away from you, and keeping confrontation down to a minimum.
I apologize if I've offended you, but really, I felt it needed to be said.
HE has all the answers

The wait for that perfect someone may be long and painful, but the payoff lasts even longer, and is the most painless thing in the world.
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Postby saz » Sat Dec 20, 2003 9:40 pm

I see your point llisa but then if it was me i would politely but firmly tell that person that i wasn't interested in them, not cause complete mayhem without ever actually telling anyone what the problem was. Even if it made me uncomfortable i dont think i would go so out of my way to behave like he has (not discogreat the man involved).

Also he was really friendly towards discogreat for ages, and at the start of this thread discogreat says he has never made a pass or discussed a relationship with this man.

The situation happened a bit sudden and he has never given a reason for his behaviour. If he felt uncomfortable why doesn't he say so, or leave?
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby discogreat » Sun Dec 21, 2003 11:53 pm

hi saz and hi llisa,
firstly llisa you say he is not being immature, only this last weekend he cancelled going to a christmas party because i would be there. he may well be upset at whats happened but no one seems to know what has happened. no one has asked him to be nasty to people...don`t forget 1 person left because of him. no one asked him to sit on his own for breaks, no one asked him to tell managemant lies about people (not just me..it`s coming out now hes`complained` about 3 other people)
he does not stay away from me but often makes remarks when no one else is around. these remarks are always about where i`ve been seen and which pubs i go in ext. he has also been freaking out my ex-girlfriend by telling her tales.
i have never discussed any sexuality topic with him, i have never made a pass at him. yet after all this i feel sory for him. he can not go on blaming me or holding me responsible for whatever his problems are, it must come to a head sometime
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE
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Postby woodyyear » Mon Dec 22, 2003 11:16 am

It sounds to me like he is some kind of attention seeker for some reason. He has been hurt by discogreat and is putting up this front so he won`t get hurt again.I don`t think it`s anything to do with any one being gay or anything.I can`t understand why the topic involves the word` love`!
if he knows where you go and is telling tales to ex girlfriends ext then it is serious, it`s ok you saying you feel sorry for him but really you have no responsibity towards him. its hard to `forget someone` when you see them at work, but i get the feeling you are ignoring him which probably makes him worst. As for this older woman trouble maker they`re probably `cut from the same cloth` as my gran would say.
looking at all the posts I get the impression and its been touched on before that this man has some problem with other men, MAYBE in the past his father has been "strict" with him or he has had someone `come onto him` and your actions, discogreat, whatever they were have pushed him to `cry for some help`.
if this is the case you must keep clear because as you say in your last post it must come to a head sometime.
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Dec 27, 2003 3:53 pm

I had to smile when i saw Llisa`s post saying this young man is not being immature at all. It`s obvious that this person has some problems......... the telephone conversation on a broken phone, his reaction to discogreat hugging someone, the christmas party incident...........and discogreat can not be held responsible. In fact I should imagine that quite a lot of people know about this tension between discogreat and this person and also the tensions between this person and the others and it must be uncomfortable at times.
I agree 100% with woodyyear that this person has been hurt by discogreat and I think that is the root of the whole problem.
At the end of the day, discogreat probably cares about whats happened and he(discogreat) is maybe getting these feelings mixed up.
Have a great new year.
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Postby discogreat » Sat Feb 21, 2004 12:19 am

We are now nearly 2 months into the new year and this whole thing is turning into a nightmare. The `young man` walks into me, insults me when no one else is around, and STILL sits alone and doesn`t seem to be moving on.
My manager found out about this, as another person came forward, and had a word with him. He agreed it had to stop, yet he told people who he works with that I`d been lying.
I really don`t know what to do. I get on with my workmates and am seen as someone who `has a laught and is fun to be with`.
This whole buisness is going really strange.
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Postby saz » Sat Feb 21, 2004 6:40 pm

I know just how you feel about your colleague lately, me and the girls i work with are all having problems with one person in particular, who is totally untouchable because the management love her. She is the nastiest rudest person we have ever met and she goes out of her way to humilate us and stir up bad feelings. We have told the management but they are convinced that this woman isn't capable of such nastiness whereas us as a collective are much more likely to have the 'problem'. I also get on with every other single person there really well and always have a laugh apart from this person. We all refuse to work with and speak to her, even girls call in sick just to not work with her.

As a result most of my friends have now left but why should people leave because of one person? I just see people like that as insecure people who get satisfaction out of seeing others unhappy because they are unhappy themselves. He might not be willing to move on because he is standing his ground seeing who will crack first or he doesn't have the confidence to go and work somewhere else.

You have done all the right things so far, reporting it, not rising to the bait and getting caught in the circle but it must be frustrating for you.

I think your last options are leaving - which you shouldn't have to, or transferring, getting everyone together and going to management or putting up with it. Keep a note of every time he does something so if things do come to a head you have a record and let your manager know you are doing this. If you refuse to rise to his baiting he might go that extra mile to do something extreme for attention and more than likely this would be picked up on by your superiors.

This is a very sad situation because i also feel that i dont want someone else to lose their job all i want is an end to the problems and i dont think that is too much to ask. Perhaps you could confront him personally and try to discuss this problem you might get further to the bottom of the real issues.

Good luck.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
saz
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Postby discogreat » Sun Feb 22, 2004 12:48 am

Hi Saz,
Sorry to hear of your troubles with this woman, she sounds just like the woman who works with the `young man.`It is frustrating really as I believe I`m being punished by him for things..
a. I didn`t do
b. have not been told off, or warned about by management
c. things that my work records show I COULDN`T have done.
I too don`t want him to lose his job and I`ve done mine for 19 years without any complaints so why should I leave. But I have told management it has to stop....they agree....he`s been told its time for it all to stop.....he agrees yet as you say he`s getting extreme.
He lives about 2 miles away from me yet the amount of times he`ll pass me in his car in a week whilst I`m out walking is getting too frequent to be coincidence. Other people in different departments at work have picked up on this too. He`s getting cocky, making remarks meant for me within hearsay. You will discover this too with this woman...one time she`ll slip up.
I don`t really think confronting him personally will help as he wouldn`t go for that and I would insist on a third party being there. But its been 8 months now and I really want it to stop.

Good Luck to you Saz
Best wishes
Discogreat

P.S Jasperlens, where are you when I need you. You always seem to get it right
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Postby woodyyear » Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:30 pm

Sorry to hear this trouble is still on going and sorry to hear of your trouble too Saz.
Looking back at all the posts I see this young man is 17 years younger than discogreat and maybe...JUST MAYBE... this young man is still growing and finding himself.
The whole driving past you thing could just be a coincident, the remarks he makes, well that just shows him up.
I think from reading all the posts he harbors alot of jealous feelings for you, he seems to have been hurt by you and has lost trust in you.
Management might know about these things, and i mean that in Saz`s case too, but at the end of the day they really can`t do anything unless something drastic happens.
I really would have though that after 8 months something would have had to give.
Take care.
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Postby jasperlens » Thu Feb 26, 2004 6:12 pm

Hi discogreat,
I think woodyyear touched on something in their recent post about this age gap. If you are 17 years older than him you are old enough to be his father !!!! Maybe the age-gap is a problem to him and you because he sounds like he is a little obsessed with either you or this situation.
From your first post I gather he`s worked at this place for a year now, and other people have seen he has these `difficulties`in fact you once wrote someone had left over him.
Woodyyear also writes about this man growing and finding himself, this is true for you too, we`re always learning from our experiences.
My advice for what its worth is the same as always. He has made this situation for himself.You can be there if he needs you but there is nothing you can do.The name calling, the passing you in his car, if they are cries for help or attension, let it be. RISE ABOVE IT.
At the end of the day if he`s done something to upset you, it is HIS weakness thats caused it. IT REALLY IS NOT WORTH EATING YOURSELF AWAY OVER HIM.
One day you may discover what has caused all this, but it has happened, you can`t change the past 8 months but you can learn from it.
You say in your posts you are seem as someone who

`has a laught and is fun to be with`.

and I sense from all your posts you care and are concerned about this person. Sometimes when we don`t understand things its time to let go.
Don`t worry yourself about him, he`s the one whos missing out.
Take care and let us know whats happening in a month or two.
Best wishes
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