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Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:01 pm
by rufio89
My friend has a horrible boyfriend. He's not (usually) nasty to her (though he is sometimes), but he's generally uncaring and unsympathetic and self-centred.

She calls me up sobbing about him at least once a month, though lately it's been more like every couple of weeks.

I'm supportive and I dont grudge her doing it at ALL but he's just not good enough for her and she needs to get rid. They've been together for 5 years and he's been NO better the whole time they've been togehter, it's never been good, and they've broken up a few times, but now they live together.

She's had a lot of problems with her periods and period pain. This morning she woke up and she said she was literally screaming with pain and throwing up because it was so bad, and her boyfriend refused to get out of bed, saying "well what can I do", so she called her Mum and her Mum took her to the hospital. Her boyfriend hadnt called to see how she was.

She went back to their flat late morning and he didnt ask her if she was ok, he was just acting normal, and they had a big row and she stormed out saying she didnt want to be with himanymore.

'm talking to her now, on the internet (I called her but I think talking was a bit too much), and I think she's going to stay with him.

I know it's her life and I cant do anything but I cant stand seeing her get treated this way. She can do so much better than him. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get through to her that she's better than this?


Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:06 pm
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Ultimately it is her decision; the only thing you can do is maybe point out he was in the wrong for not doing something - but don't be too harsh otherwise she may get upset at you as well. Your friend has to make the decision herself and all you can do is be the friend she needs when it all goes wrong.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:22 pm
by mattmxl
Its for her to choose who she has as a boyfriend and who she doesn't unfortunately, thought I can't understand quite how she can be happy about the situation she finds herself in. Well, obviously she isn't if she's ringing you up crying. Stuff you could say to her would include things like "can he really care about you that much if he didn't get up to help you when you were ill?" "Why didn't he call to check on you and see how you were after you had been to the hospital?" If any of your friends are together and happy then use them as examples, "look at what he does for her, look how happy she is, you could be like that too" etc etc. As frustrating as it is to be the friend that has to hear her crying and pick up the pieces on a fortnightly basis, you can't really force her into decisions on wheter she stays with him or not, but you can try and pursuade her to look at other options she might have as she clearly isn't happy with the one she has now.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:36 pm
by rufio89

He's a waste of space, he doesn't deserve ANYONE let alone my friend, he makes me SO angry.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:46 pm
by rufio89
Yeah I suppose.

Or I could pay someone else to hit him.. then she'd never know it was me.

I know you're all right, but as Arsenic_Candy says, it's just so frustrating. You should see my friend, and then see this guy. Even LOOKING at them you can see he's not good enough for her.

She's better looking, kinder, cleverer, more interesting and generally just a better person.

He's just a doped-up loser and he needs to sort his life out.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 4:28 pm
by Bel Bel
my fiend has just broken up with a real loser after 15 years
He even got in a fight at my wedding as he was touching loads of girls up and one of the boyfirends took serious offence. i didn't care, it kinda made my day becasue he got punched by someone but my poor friend was in bits
The odd thing is it wasn't her that ended it, he finally moved a out and left her
Frustrating but all you can do is be there for her

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 1:39 pm
by littlemissmusic
I definitely agree with all these other people. When I was in a really horrible relationship it really helped to know that my friends were there if I did want to leave. Keep telling her that she's not alone and that you'll be there 24/7 if she was to leave him. Go out with her and show her how fun life can be and that she doesn't have to spend all her time being sad and arguing. It might not feel like you're making a massive difference, you don't have to scream and shout, just let her know that she's not on her own and there is a way out and a better life she could be having. Good luck with everything though, it's such a hard situation, but you sound like you're being a really good friend and that's all she needs.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 1:53 pm
by rufio89
Ugh she came to my house last night, he called her about 10 saying "where did you put my cigarettes" (she doesnt smoke, so why would she have touched his cigarettes), but no sorry, no how are you feeling, didnt even ask where she was.

She stopped at my house and he didnt call to ask where she was, or whether she was ok or when she was gonna be home.

I hope she gets rid :(

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 3:54 pm
by Sussexlady
My thoughts are with you because it is one of the most painful things to see a friend put up with an abusive partner when you cannot do anything about it because she thinks she "has" to put up with it.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 6:28 pm
by rufio89
Ah I'm glad someone posted on this because I'd forgotten about it!

Things came to a head with this about a month after I posted it I think, end of May time.

The two of them were at one of his friends houses and she wasnt feeling well so she decided to go home, so she left. She doesnt like walking on her own in the dark, so she called me to have someone to talk to on the way, and while we were talking he pulled up in his car and said he'd drive her home as it was raining so she said goodbye and said she'd call me when she got in.

So, the in-between of her ringing off and her calling me back:

- He asked who she'd been talking to. She said me (as she had been). He asked to see her messages, she said no (the two of us had been having a bit of a witch about him and she didnt want him to see it). He accused her of cheating. They got into a row because she said "why wouldnt he trust her" and she asked to pull over and let her out, he wouldnt.

They got back to their flat, and went inside. He again asked to see her phone, again she said no. He lunged at her, and so she went and sat in the bathroom and locked the door and said she'd open the door once he'd either gone back out or calmed down. While she was in there she wiped her messages. He started kicking the door so eventually she just opened it so as to avoid damage. They had a bit of a row, but nothing too bad apparently, he seemed to have calmed down, so she said she was going to go to her Mums for the night and let him calm down. He looked sad and apologised, and let her leave.

She got to the road, (they lived next to a dual carriageway), and he came storming out of the flat, shouting again and saying she was a liar and she was going to see *Mark* (Mark is a mutual friend of mine and hers, and a completely innocent one at that), and that she was cheating with him. She told him to calm down and he pushed her over. She got back up and pushed him back and told him to "F-Off until you've calmed down, and dont EVER do that again". He snatched the phone out of her hand, and pushed her again, this time into the road. She was crying a lot by this time, and she grazed her knee so she didnt get up right away, he looked at her messages and saw they were empty, and got even angrier so smashed her phone up and threw the remenants into oncoming traffic. He shouted at her and said "for fs-sake get out of the road", and come over and pulled her out of the road by her hair, and then got in his car and drove off.

Some girls were at the bus stop opposite and came over to see if she was ok, and called her Mum and got her to come and pick her up. She called me in the morning unsure of what to do, I told her to stay away, and report him. She was going on holiday with her parents 2 days later (without him), and so she said she was just gonna stay at her Mums and deal with it when she got back.

She went on holiday, and when they got back to her parents he had been round and dumped all her stuff in black bags on the back step.

So that was that!

This was in May, around July time she met a different guy, and spent a couple of months getting to know him before they got together. They're together now, and honestly, I've never met a more sickeningly happy couple. He's a really lovely guy, gentle, kind and intelligent and he absolutely adores her.

So a happy ending after all. Not the best way for them to split up, but she got lucky and got out before he did her some serious harm.

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 10:17 pm
by whoopsie
Aww, Yay. I'm glad she's happier now, but yeah, what an a hole!

Re: Horrible Boyfriend :(

PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:57 am
by ceilidh1990
That's really wonderful that she's happy now! :) I'm so glad :D