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I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 6:21 pm
by JennaXXX
I have been going through a tough time at work lately. I don't trust anyone there and they have acted very badly towards me.
However, there is this one lady who has been incredible towards me. I look after her little boy and as I have been doing so for some time, I feel like we have gotten to know each other quite well and have formed something of a bond.
The problem is, I don't think that I deserve her and all her help. She really tries to make things better for me at work but I always feel guilty and like she shouldn't be bothering with me. Personality wise, she is so much better then me. She is confident, sweet, caring and very thoughtful.
I was upset the other day as I thought I was going to be made redundent and she cuddled me for ages telling me that everything was going to be ok and that her and her family loved me. She also has got in touch with someone who she thinks could help me and was really angry and upset on my behalf.
Without her, I would have walked out of my job. It is only her utter kindness towards me that has made me feel like I can continue to do this job.

I don't trust easily but somehow I feel like I can trust her. This terrifies me in some way as I find it so hard to let my guard down around people. She is really popular at work and I am not. I worry that she will soon see how pathetic I am. I really cannot understand why she likes me so much but I am terrified that she will take it all away in an instant. :-?

Don't know what the point of this post is, but hope someone can help.

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 6:53 pm
by peecee
Ok, Jenna, I do understand where you're coming from.

But look at it from the other side; imagine someone on PP has a problem you KNOW you can help with, you've been there, eaten the t shirt, sorted it out, can tell the stories about it over a camp fire while toasting marshmallows.

You give them your take on things, confident that it will help them. They say "thanks, Jen, I khow we get on really well, but I'm too horrible for you to help, so don't bother. btw, I sort of trust you, but not really".

Now how do you, the helper, feel? Rejected? Frustrated that they still feel so bad about themselves when you thought you had shown them you had their best interests at heart? Look at it from their point of view, me dear.

This is the lady who confused you because she wasn't well earlier this year? I think the lesson there is that people, however loving and helpful they are, can get ill or let their own problems take over their lives for a while; it's not a reflection on YOU, it's about THEIR problems. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. But this lady has gone the extra mile to help you, she's not going to leave you to fend for yourself until she thinks you're capable of it.

Now for your own sake, you need to sort out why your self-esteem is so low, that your happiness seems to revolve around the kindness of one person. Think about it, petal; this could be the start of a big change in your life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
pee

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:20 pm
by Liquid Virus
Sounds to me like the only person who can help you is you. Why do you have such low self esteem? Why do you beat yourself up so much? Its absolutely futile.

Don't take this the wrong way but your thought processes are all wrong, you need to learn how to interrupt the cycle of negative thinking and try and adopt a different view point on life.

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:31 am
by lidopig
Liquid Virus wrote:
Don't take this the wrong way but your thought processes are all wrong, you need to learn how to interrupt the cycle of negative thinking and try and adopt a different view point on life.


Are you the same person who wants revenge on someone for something that happened two years ago? [-X A little inconsistent in your attitudes I'm afraid :-"

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:56 pm
by Liquid Virus
lidopig wrote:
Liquid Virus wrote:
Don't take this the wrong way but your thought processes are all wrong, you need to learn how to interrupt the cycle of negative thinking and try and adopt a different view point on life.


Are you the same person who wants revenge on someone for something that happened two years ago? [-X A little inconsistent in your attitudes I'm afraid :-"


I would disagree. Wanting pay back or in my case setting the record straight can be quite a empowering emotion/desire. Wanting to set the record straight, for the truth to be known isn't negative. Considering your not worthy is negative however.

And just for the record lidopig - I never actually asked for your judgement on this thread.

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:03 pm
by Jess1234
Jenna I think she sounds like a lovely woman and I'm glad that you have such a good friend in your life. As peecee said, you need to look at it from a different perspective. Instead of thinking that you aren't worthy of her attention, be greatful that you have a friend who you can trust and who supports you because you do deserve to have such a person in your life. The bottom of this is your low self-esteem and that is affecting how you view the situation, so I think it's important to get your self-esteen issues sorted out so that you are able to just be thankful to have a friend instead of viewing yourself as unworthy.

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:08 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
I agree with Peecee and Jess1234.

Maybe this woman thinks she isn't good enough for you? Just cherish her friendship and help and enjoy it rather than always thinking "what if".

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:29 am
by Bel Bel
I agree with dipsy and jess.

Perhaps you need to get some cognitive therapy to help build confidence and banish those self doubts that constantly hinder you

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:57 am
by babydee86
jenna, why oh why do you think so little of your self??
we all feel insucure and unworthy from time to time but to question a compleatly natural, human relationship, such as friendship is a real hang up
darling i can asure you, you deserve a friend (a real friend) as much as ANYONE
other people will find it hard to love you if you don't have love for yourself....... would you be friends with you?? i bet you would!! because your special and your work friend can see that...time for you to see it too

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:40 pm
by Weasley
I think she just sounds like a really nice person who genuinely wants to help. If only we all had friends like this!

Re: I don't deserve her.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 2:36 am
by captainf
This lady sounds like a very friendly and caring woman and you deserve her. I think you've posted before about the poor treatment you've had in the work place and I think its about time someone stuck by you and helped you through this. You've needed the support and now you have someone there giving you the support you've needed. You definitely deserve it.

Its really sad that your work colleagues have chipped away at your confidence and made you feel like this. I think it would be in your best interests to continue working there but at the same time continue to look for work else where if things cannot be resolved at your current work place.