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Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:02 pm
by Raven
I was with a group of friends last night and one mentioned she wanted to go to Manchester with her uni mates to see a gig etc. I said "Ooh, I'd like to see that too" and she laughed and said "well whatever me and my mates don't see I'll go with you next time". I just felt a bit put out. Why can't I go with her and her uni mates? I've met them all before. I felt a bit sad as we have been friends for years. I already feel as if my friends have all moved on ( I didn't go to uni ) and aren't really bothered now they've got new lives. I have low view of myself anyway and always feel inadequate, so this obviously didnt help. I feel left out a lot of the time too. Am I just being oversensitive?

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:41 pm
by Bel Bel
Maybe it is a particular celebration, i.e leaving uni, or end of the year. If thats the case it would make sense it's just for those who go to uni together
If not then why don't you ask if you can come anyway as you know the friends and see what she says
If she has no good reason for it ask her if you have done somehting to offend her

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:52 pm
by spacegirl
that's a bit harsh, do u think she was kidding?

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:07 pm
by Fragmented
I don't think you're being over-sensitive, I'd feel pretty much the same.

In her defence though, when I was at uni, I found it hard to do things together with both my friends from "home" and those from uni in one big group. I found that both groups had a different dynamic and it was impossible trying to make everyone feel comfortable. It was just easier to keep the two separate, and spend time with them separately. This might be the case with your friend. Although I do think she shouldn't have said it quite how she did. If you do know her friends from uni though, like Bel Bel said, could be an idea to mention that you'd like to come too and see what she says. Otherwise you could suggest something else you guys could do together.

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:33 pm
by RagDoll
I agree with Fragmented re: keeping the two groups seperate. Sometimes that's easiest, as like she said, every group has different dynamics. Perhaps she's also worried that she'd have to 'look after you' all the time? I don't mean that in a patronising way (I can't think how else to put it!), but since she's the only person you know really well, she might feel she has to focus her attentions on you all the time to prevent you feeling left out?

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:41 pm
by Raven
Thanks for your views everyone. I understand about group dynamics. I was at uni briefly and I guess I would probably feel similar to however she does, although I would welcome her along if she wanted. I should just get over it!

Thanks for giving me some perspective.

:)

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:20 pm
by captainf
To be fair i'd feel like you do. Its never nice when a friend does that. I've never known about the whole group dynamics thing though, my best friend went to uni and I know some of his uni mates and we got on fine.

Your friend isnt one of them people that only talk to you when they want something is she? I know a few people like that, but I just keep my distance from them nowadays as no one needs friends like that.

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:03 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
My uni friends, my home friends and my work friends made it difficult to socialise together. They just stood in their groups and ignored everyone else.

Maybe your friends didn't mean it as harsh as she siad it BUT my one alternative might have been that the trip had already been organised rather than yet to be organised.

Re: Am I too sensitive?

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:58 am
by wiseone
Dear poster ,

Unfortunately Uni people are terribly cliquey who arent welcoming to people outside their group ! so i think she was trying to save you a dodgy night with people who honestly look down on you, my uni friends were terrible for this and i had to mix with each group individually as the uni lot just didnt want to know !

i wouldnt be tooput out by this tbh !

W1