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I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 12:27 pm
by holz
Wasn't sure whether to put this in the siblings section but my sister is also my friend so here goes:

I have done a spiteful thing.

I used to work with a guy who I quite fancied but nothing ever happened. My sister knew about this crush.

Over the last year he has become quite friendly with my sister which I thought was just a friendship thing.

There’s quite a large age gap between and me and my sister, she’s 36 and I’m 21.

Anyway more recently they have been going out together a lot, still I thought they were just mates because my sister had only just split up with her boyfriend.

Apparently it has been evident on Facebook for quite a while and I met up with an ex- work colleague the other day and she was like “so what do you think about those two then?” I was very surprised at this as my sister hadn’t told me that they were now an item and we are usually quite close.

So I text her saying so when were you going to tell me, to which she replied it’s nothing serious – just a bit of fun. To be honest I was a little upset about it, more because I seemed to be last to know!

I text my friend about it and she thought she was well out of order for going with him because she knew how I felt and didn’t even think to tell me. This kind of added fuel to the fire really because I now felt like I was right to be upset.

Anyway, I was meant to be having a girlie night with my sister the following night but I ended up cancelling at the last minute to go out with my mates instead. I felt really bad for doing that but I just didn’t want to see her and have to talk about it with her.

I was out in town with my mates on Saturday – we got a taxi into town and the taxi driver is a local gossip that everyone knows. He also has the hots for my sister and always goes on about her to me when I see him. I was quite sozzled at this point and he was going on about how he’s lost his chance now that she is dating someone else. So I said oh don’t worry she’s had practically everyone in the town anyway. Which is a horrible I know but you do say stupid things in haste and after a few drinks. I completely forgot about it. Later on I saw my sister and HIM in one of the pubs. I was even more sozzled at this point and she got me to do karaoke with her – we have this song that we always do together. But my mate was still kinda going on about how out of order it was which wound me up. It was such an odd situation – I love my sister to bits and she’s had a run of bad luck with men so I should have been happy for her.

Well anyway, we all went off to the local club and my sister got a taxi home. You can guess what happened it was the same taxi driver who took me into town. He told her what I said, I got a text from her asking if I had really said that about her.

I didn’t reply until the morning and I apologised profusely and I truly meant it. In the cold light of day – I could see what a jealous cow I had been and I didn’t mean what I said and that I said it in haste and that I only want her to be happy.

She replied saying she was really upset when he told her that but said to forget about it. But I can’t – how on earth can I prove that I didn’t mean it and try and save our relationship/friendship.

I think part of the reason why I’m jealous is not because of who she’s with but because she seems to move on from one bloke to the next whereas I don’t do that. I haven’t had a serious relationship ever as I want to meet ‘the one’ and until I do – I don’t want to have to settle!

Has anyone else completely screwed up like this and if so how did you make it right?

Thanks in advance.

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:14 pm
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Just apologise to your sister, say you didn't mean it, you were upset because she didn't tell you about going out with this guy, and you'd had a bit too much to drink. Tell her you are happy for her.

Although I do think she's maybe blown it out of proportion a bit.

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:37 pm
by RagDoll
I think you need to speak to your sister in person, apologise and explain your motives for saying what you did - e.g. that you were just jealous. I think explaining yourself will make it easier for her to forgive you.

I lalso think it will all blow over eventually - I'm sure as sisters you've been through a lot of ups and downs and both done hurtful things to each other in the past.

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:20 am
by GirlInTheGreenScarf
I think we've all been there when you say something about someone then ammediatly regret it!!

I think the best thing to do is probably to sit down with your sister, just you and her and talk things through. Make her understand what made you say those things and tell her how you're concerned about the way she acts with guys...you guys have been close for a long time so I'm sure she'll be greatful you explaining yourself so you can both get over what happened and just get on with things!

Hope this helped honey x

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:18 pm
by holz
Thank you everyone for the advice.

She did accept my apology but I felt that I needed to do something more to make it up to her. I sent her some flowers which she got yesterday and we're off to our fave indian restaurant tomorrow night. Hopefully things will be back on track now and I can be happy for her and this bloke :)

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:14 pm
by RagDoll
Oh well, that was nice of you. Hope you have a nice meal :)

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:44 pm
by dipsydoodlenoodle
RagDoll wrote:Hope you have a nice meal


Me too.

Re: I have done a spiteful thing...

PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:00 pm
by Peanut1977
I think you just need to sit down with your sis and explain as you have here, everything you felt at the time. You sound genuinely upset and sorry and if this comes across on a forum to strangers I'm sure your sister who knows you better than anyone will see it a hundred times over! We've all said things about our siblings that are downright nasty but with siblings we can forgive and forget in ways we can't with our friends. Good luck with it, I'm sure you and your sis will be best friends again very soon! x