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i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 10:18 am
by becky1234
i was unsure where to put this is friends or what.
but resently my best friend got a new boyfriend and she spends all her time with him.
he's older. hes left school and is working, and she is only in year 10
he has alot of money and he often buy her expensive presents.
she resently has gone from never having a boyfriend to having sex with him straight away. When she is with him she is either sleeping with him, or drunk, as he often buys her drink.
he is in with the wrong crowd and often treatens those that offened him or her with violence, and gets involed in business that isnt his problem.
he even went on about a 2 hour journey, at 2am in the morning, to treaten a guy that told my best friend that he liked her.
with him he took all the "hard boys" from around the local area, after this they spilt up and got back together within the hour.
me and my frirends have all tryed talking to her about it , as we are really worried, and she will not listen.
she is slowly loosing all her friends, as noboady will go out iwith her if her boyrfriend is present.
he has resently given her an chose between me and another good friend and him.
he dislikes us because i am fat ( size 16) and she is ginger.
please somboady help me.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 10:35 am
by Skarlet
Unfortunately there is not alot you can do. Tell her that you will always be there for her, if she needs anything, and support her. But she has to decide to break up with him, and stand up for herself. And if she doesn't do that, then its her choice, and you will have to stand back and let her make them.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:17 am
by RagDoll
I agree with Skarlet, I know it's hard when you can see that your friend is going out with such a loser, but there is nothing you can do. She's got to reach her own conclusions and make her own decisions about him. You've expressed your concerns about him to her and that's as much as you can do. Sorry there's nothing more useful I can add.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:45 pm
by becky1234
no its fine thanks for the help.
ive just left her to her own devices and i wanted to see if that was the tright thing to do.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:58 pm
by captainf
Yeah I agree really. If she wont listen to you then she has to learn the hard way.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 5:20 pm
by everloney
I agree with everyone else. The more you tell her to leave, the more she will resist and move away from you. She's going to need you when this blows up, so try and stick around. She's young and in love and we all sometimes fall for the wrong one. So i suggest to tell her, "I'm not leaving you, I'm still going to be here for you but i think you're making a mistake with this guy. This is your choice though, you know my feelings and i only feel this way because i care about you. I will say no more on the subject from now on." and then leave it.

This dude doesn't dislike you because you are "fat" which my darling is a terrible word. I am a size 16 and dare i say it, FAT! I really hate the stigma that goes with this word and i hope you are not a victim of it. Anyway i am getting off topic..... and he doesn't dislike your friend because she's ginger. This is not the reason he is telling her to choose between him and you guys. He's doing it because he knows you are objective and see him for what he is (although he may not realise thats why...). You are telling her to ditch him, she is telling him you are saying that, and he is telling her to ditch you because of it.....

He is trying to seperate her from you, because isolated people are easier to control and manipulate. Lets be honest thats what is happening, he gets a 15 year old girl drunk and is having sex with her? and you say hes older? I wonder how much older. Old enough to know better i am sure.

This makes me think of when a lion makes his kill, pick the weak one from the herd and separate it off from the herd to make the kill..... ummm i love metaphors...

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:27 am
by becky1234
thanks you for your help,
i would just like to reasure you that i do not think you are fat,and i hope i did not offend you, i was just quoting what he said.
and yes i do get caught up in all that stigma.
but i get by.
life moves on.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:47 am
by everloney
No I was not offended, i think I'm hot..... I know big headed right? There are penalty of big and attractive women. Thin doesn't equal hot. Its just the way you said it... I kinda felt your pain. I wanted to tell you, you are still attractive and size (you're not that big :)) doesn't matter. My friend is a size 20 and her bf is sooo hot....

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:27 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
everloney wrote:There are penalty of big and attractive women. Thin doesn't equal hot


No matter what your size...confidence is key. Just be happy and it will show to other people.

As for your problem, I pretty much agree with everyone else.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:55 am
by Bel Bel
everloney wrote:No I was not offended, i think I'm hot.....



:rofl: that comment made my day - good oh you for being confident

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:47 pm
by captainf
Dipsy is right, size isnt important. However, being comfortable within yourself and having confidence is key!

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 12:35 pm
by retrochav
Its really clear to me that her boyfriend is incredibly insecure. When a person gets aggressive just because his partner is complimented something is very wrong. And when a partner tries to seperate you from friends - its a danger sign. "fat" and "ginger" arent sound reasons to want anyone to abandon friends - she most know thats a load of rubbish, but jealousy is the real truth behind it. The likliehood is that pregnancy isnt going to be far off, as its a common thing these guys do to allienate and control a partner.

There isnt anything you can do, execept tell this girl that you will be there if she needs to talk.

It sems to me that this girl is on a one way ticket to troublesville - recognise this and try to avoid being caught in the charms of anyone with a similar personality.

Re: i just dont no what to do

PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:52 pm
by becky1234
they spilt up, but they got back togetehr.
hes consently lemonading my friend off over msn and facebook and text like calling her nasty nasty names.
and he even beat up our friend :/