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Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 7:46 pm
by JennaXXX
I posted the main details of this problem on the work section of the forum but will give a brief update here.
Basically, I have a friend at work who most of the time is very lovely and kind to me but at other times she can be inconsiderate and thoughtless. I feel at times like I make her angry and that I am in her way, although she has admitted to me in the past that she has no patience with anything so probably nothing personal when she is in a mood.
Anyway, the other day at work (she works in a different department to me) she said *I will come and see you at the end* However, I didn't think she really meant it and so I left early as I had no work left to do and I knew she was in a meeting. I texted her generally when I got outside about another issue and put my phone in my bag. 30 minutes later I checked again and she had left a voicemail wondering where I was. I was mortified and texted her back asap to explain that my phone was on silent and that I didn't know we had made concrete plans. She didn't reply. I then sent another text late that night and again got no response. By this point I was really upset.
I didn't hear from her until yesterday and she sent me a text about something completely unrelated to what happened and said that she has a lot of photos to show me and a gift from an event she went to. I replied normally to the texts but to be honest am angry. I am angry that she hasn't acknowledged my feelings and that she let me go through all the worry and upset. It was like she wanted to punish me for ages and I feel really hurt by that especially as she has done things before which have been inconsiderate and thoughtless (one of those times was when she left me waiting around without letting me know she wasn't able to make it in).
I am seeing her this week and want to tell her how I have felt about it all. However I get the impression that she wants to brush it all under the carpet and forget it all happened. Is she right to do that or am I? :-?

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:03 pm
by captainf
The next time you see her you could just apologise and say 'im sorry I didnt wait the other day, I didnt realise the plans were concrete and I knew you was in a meeting' Once she responds just say 'I did apologise in a text but im not sure if it sent, did you get it?' and then see what she says. Then you will know from her reaction as to how you feel about it.

Try not to worry too much about this. If she is the type of person to make you feel guilty and put you on guilt trips she isnt really a friend, however, this circumstance could all be a misinterpretation.

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:28 am
by everloney
Jenna i think she just wasn't that bothered, and thought oh ill reply later, then forgot due to going on holiday. She's now being normal because she doesnt think anything is up, I think you over analyze i am a victim of this too. She didn't think it was a big deal, she called to see if you were around you weren't but i doubt shes upset with you, you can talk to her about it if you like but don't get mad. I would kinda make a joke about it like, hey you didn't text me back, i was worried you were really mad at me. She says, i wasn't mad, then i would joke, next time text me back other wise i don't sleep worrying about it.... haha but my methods are not tested and the reaction for each person is different. It maybe better to leave it and move on......

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:35 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
She's brushed it under the carpet because it wasn't a big issue to her therefore she assumed it wasn't a big issue to you - like I said in your other post she probably hasn't realised that you were upset or worried because it wasn't a big deal.

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:43 am
by Skarlet
I have to say I agree with Dipsy, she had just gone on holiday, was busy getting ready to go, and just wanted to enjoy it. She probably thought nothing of the fact that she had asked to meet, but you didn't. She obviously thinks highly of you, she has bought you a gift, and wanted to show you her pictures.

You will end up pushing her away if you continue like this.

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:49 pm
by Bel Bel
I agree with Dipsy and Skarlet
How was your friend suppossed to know you wnated a reply, and she may have intended to but was very busy.
Why are you angry she didn't do anything wrong? Ther was no actual question in your text that needed a response. How would she have know you were worried, your text didn't indicate it.
I definately think you are over analysing as everlonely said and wouldn't make an issue out of nothing or your friend will be really confused

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 3:18 pm
by JennaXXX
I feel like a horrible friend and person now so it's probably better if I don't say anymore.
I don't think I am over-reacting on this. I may have over-analyzed it but I think my feelings are valid. She doesn't ever not answer my texts so that added to the worry especially as I said in my message that I was worried. I just hate knowing I might have upset or hurt her.

Not saying anymore on it as I feel like I am trying to justify myself. :-?

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 3:35 pm
by Skarlet
I don't think you are a horrible person Jenna, I think that you are putting too much into this friendship, and yes your feelings are valid, because you feel them. But you need to take a step back and really think about why you worry about hurting or upsetting her, you didn't do anything wrong when you didn't see her. And she probably had no idea that you would feel this way. Sometimes texts get forgotten, it happens, thats what we have been trying to say, we think you should enjoy the friendship, not keep analysing it in this way.

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:38 pm
by everloney
i agree with skarlet, you feelings are valid and your friend cares about you. I just think she has other things going on, shes got a kid and a husband or boyfriend?? they went on holiday together, so her thoughts were with them, she may of thought she replied or left it too long and figured it was forgotten. I think if you make a big deal out of this you will push her away and seeing as you care about her you don't want to do that. I'm pretty sure you didn't upset her, if you want to talk to her about it, by all means do, just don't get mad with her. I don't think she will see why you are upset as she has other things going on in her life that take priority ie the child. I sometimes get like this with friends, my friendships mean so much to me that when my friends don't reply because they are busy or forget i get upset about it. I often would say to people i'll see you later, then take off and they would call or text me and be like, you left where are you? i would reply i left to go home or whatever sorry!, and get no reply. I didn't worry about it as its not a big deal, its not like you had dinner plans and you didn't show up.... so please try to not be upset about it, your friend didn't mean to ignore you or make you feel bad.

Re: Annoyed with friend.

PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 7:47 pm
by captainf
Jenna, dont worry, you dont have to justify yourself to anyone, especially on here.
You're right that your feelings are valid and I can understand your concern when she didnt reply, especially as she normally does reply.
Thats the thing though, if you have a friend who normally always replies and then they dont you cant help but wonder if you might of upset them.
It could be that you just got your wires crossed and she may not of been too worried about the situation, meanwhile you thought she was ignoring you.