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Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:17 pm
by wiseone
Dear all,

I recently fell out with a male friend,i made a joke about his anti socialness and he took offence to it stating its his personal issues that stop him living life to the full, and i should be more sensitive to it etc etc,

But i personally think he hasnt any real problems but he just sits at his home thinking of new problems that arent really there.
Hes been like this for 10 years and is big on the Victim and depression bandwagon which i dont really have any truck with.

I wont apologize as he needs to hear it and if i do he'll just do it again and again .

any thoughts ?

W1

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:15 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
If he's done it for 10 years and he's done it again and again I can't really see him changing.

He may actually have personal issues which he keeps hidden...

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:46 am
by snail
wiseone wrote:i personally think he hasnt any real problems but he just sits at his home thinking of new problems that arent really there.


If that's the case, then that is a problem in itself, isn't it? He has specifically told you that he doesn't want to be like this and that it stops him living life to the full. I know it's very easy and comfortable to take these sort of views - "everyone with depression is just lazy or self-pitying, all drug addicts are just wasters, any one with a phobia just needs to get a grip on themselves" etc etc, but this doesn't reflect the reality of human psychology. In practice, when someone does something that hurts themselves and stops them having the life they want, that in itself is a sign they have an emotional problem. We all instinctively want to look after ourselves and give ourselves pleasure, we can just get damaged and confused along the way. People who behave like your friend does - sitting at home when he would really rather be out - are usually afraid of something at a deep level. Staying at home is miserable, but at some level his mind must think it keeps him safe.

This is worth understanding and taking on board, because people who take this harsh, one-dimensional, attitude towards others usually take it towards themselves too, and as a result are not happy. Your posts do indicate that that is strongly the case with you.

As far as the friend goes, based on what you've said in your post, if you can't see things any differently to how you do now, then you are both better off without each other. You are not being understanding and supportive, in fact you appear to despise him, so he is better off without you. He annoys you and reminds you of your own vulnerabilities, so you will be happier without him in your life.

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:26 am
by wiseone
Dear all,

Well thanks for the replies , see we've been doing this dance for over 10 years now and to be honest its getting tiring and boring , we cant seem to do any thing or go any where without his issues coming to the fore and he'll pull out or make an excuse not to show,

Now he lives on his own hes become more and more self obsessed and narcissistic who is happy to wallow in self pity to justify his addiction to his PC. And also i dont want to hear the same old story when he complains thats hes going no where but will do not ANYTHING to help himself.

And if we scrutinise his problems which he wont as deep down he knows theyre not real,theyre just in place to justify his behavior,I work with disabled and elderly , people who are deserted by society and they seem to do or die and make the most of it , which has taught me that some people are basically baggage.

W1

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:07 pm
by Bel Bel
From what you have said I don't think you should keep this person in your life anymore

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:36 pm
by Tarantula
Yeah it's different horses for different courses. I'm in a simila situation with my old best friend.

Because it probably matters more to him than you, apologise for if you caused any offence, but after that, keep him at arm's length so you don't get dragged down by his issues.

'People are destined to their path WITH OR WITHOUT your opinion.'

:)

Re: Fallen out with a friend

PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:44 pm
by wiseone
This just in ,

hes got back from holiday and not mentioned our spat from last week, i personally have enough to contend with without his issues , and what makes it worse is that hes had counselling and medication for it and it hasnt seemed to work.

Worse thing is he caught me off guard with this one as i merely joked about his anti socialness (which he is ),thing is he hasnt got many friends or family but i cant babysit him any more .........

W1