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Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:19 pm
by /X\kinglee/X\
Ok so I have this female friend we are both 20. I have known for 6 years now and she lives about 10 mins walk away from me.

I use to like her a lot I’ve asked he out a few times but she used the “if I lose u as a boy friend I lose you as a good friend” line so I thought ok if you say so I stopped asking her out. I stopped asking her out about 3 years ago and since I think I spoke to her at least saw her once a month. She would arrange to meet up with me a lot but 4/5 times she would cancel at v.shourt notice witch peed me off a lot.

then she got a boy friend who was 16 years old and hangs around with her lil brother and no job had a kid on the was with my co workers 15 year old sister (small town or what) so I had to keep things from my co worker and friend so I did not get involved in the he said she said thing.

So any way when she was going out him she would call and text me 10 times a day even when she was with him some times she would txt me intill 3am when I had work the next day.

He best friend (who just split up with her long term boy friend) thought she was wrong for going with a 16 y/o so they stopped talking to each other.
So any way after two months they hit problems and she asked me what I think she should do she also told me that he went to island with the girl across the road (who he sleep with on and off for two years) so she decided to dump him and in the past 6 years I have never spoke to her so much.

I fort to my self that this 16 y/o who managed to get a 20 y/o girl friend. And had no strings sex with a girl across the road and got another girl pregnant must be a super stud and must be the best looking guy around. So I asked my co worker to get a pic for me from bebo and he looked like the twins from x factor but 25 stone spotty and well a bit of a minger.

Then she started to hang around with her 17 year old brothers m8s and then the texts got to about 1 a week and I did not see her from February intill September

When I did finally see her she told me she spends the weekend taking her brother to Kent (80 miles away) because his mate had to move there so I fort awww she is a nice sister then she told me she likes one of his m8s and I fort hear we go again.

So any way I was thinking to my self WTF you can go 80 mils evey week to this boy but you cant go 0.8 mils to see me even though I have know you 6 years and you have known him 6 months

So the txt got less and less and 9/10 off my calls went to voice mail and then she called me two days ago to tell me she started a relationship with him on Tuesday and all ready he cheated on her and on Thursday she stopped talking to him and deleted him from facebook her phon. And so on

So any way she asked to see me next week but then she put the phone down on me as she had to speak to her other mate so any way I called her about 1 o’clock and as per use well no answer so I thought she is probly asleep but then I saw on her facebook she updated her status on her phone 2 mins after I called her I called again and still no answer.

So with her keep standing me up and not answering her phone to me should I just end the friendship?
:( ](*,)

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:57 pm
by Angel_Fairy
From what you've written- it sounds like she needs to be just asked outright whether she wants to say in contact or not. There is a tiny possibility she doesn't realise what she's doing to you.

She sounds like she's inconsiderate of your feelings, that doesn't make a good friend. Maybe you should try not replying to her messages so she becmes aware of the fact she may lose you as a friend.

Try to talk to her...if she doesn't reply, you know where you stand with her, and you may realise maybe she's not that good of friend.

Good luck xx

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:51 pm
by /X\kinglee/X\
Yea I spoke to her time and time again about it but I get the same answer
“You’re just being parodied” or “you call me at the wrong time”

Iv tried calling her at different times but it seems like when ever I call is the wrong time. I just don’t get it.

What makes it worse is that I know she has a contracted phone with 1100 mins and free texts so I know she has the ability to call me but she doesn’t.

Now when I call her 9/10 times I get her voice mail and if I text her I know she can easily text me back it will only take like 40 secs but she doesn’t.

Also when I do get to see her it is only for two hours and most of that time she is on the phone to her other mates and im like WTF is wrong with you.

I just don’t know whether to cut her out my life or not.

If I do then I won’t really have any one im proper close to at the moment.

But if I do then I won’t have to worry about getting rejected by some one who I care for and is supposed to care for me.

And I don’t want her to call me just because she feels she has to do it to “shut me up”

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:31 pm
by Bel Bel
I would stop wasting time oin her and start investing time on meeting new friends by joining clubs or taking up hobbies you like

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:19 pm
by ILoveChristmas

I know you say if you cut her out you won't have anyone you're properly close to, but if you're being honest you're not very close to her either.

What it sounds like to an outsider is that she really doesn't care much for your feelings, if at all, and that really she's quite nasty. We've all been in situations where we've let a call ring out for one reason or another, but to do it constantly is syptomatic of one thing only: she isn't interested in talking to you. She's sees you as the friend who's always there, ready to do anything for her and she'll keep you tagging along like that with nothing in return.

From what you've written, you seem to be a very nice person who's wasting themself by expending any more attention on this girl. She clearly gets herself in some mess and it's not something you want to be dragged in to.

Easier said than done, but move on and find another interest. If she calls you then great, have a chat and tell her you're about if she wants to chat, but I wouldn't go calling her off your own back.


Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 10:08 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
I think IloveChristmas hit the nail on the head there. Spot on.

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:19 pm
by /X\kinglee/X\
Hi all thanks for your suggestions I called her on Saturday and she said she will call me back when she had finished her apple but that must off been the biggest apple ever because she did not call me back.

So I texted her then deleted her number and all the texts she had sent me (so I was not tempted to call or text he) so not I don’t have a number for her. It has been like 5 days now and she still has not texted me back.

I think you are right about me not being close to her now but there was a time when I saw her once a week and she helped me out a lot when my mum was having a episode
And there is just some thing about her that just makes me hold on even though to be honest I have more un happy memories of when she called and text me to tell me I cant see her that night so on paper I should run in the other direction but in till now I just was not able to.

I have a small group of friends who im closet to but im not a Mr. popular.

At the moment I weight 23 stone and I am 6ft 7 I was close to 30 stone 3 months ago but then I decided to lose it all so I went to the gym and lose 7 stone in 3 months and I cut out all chocolate and crisps and coke (I only drink cock zero and diet now) so I think by the time I am 21 in June I will hopefully be 12-10 stone.

But at the moment I don’t feel comfortable to go clubbing and tbo I don’t have the money as I have to pay £250 rent £130 Lone £120 Credit card bus pass food gas….. So im luck to get £10 for my self (witch I will problem have to get some new close cos mine are falling down all the time lol) and im paid peanuts at the moment

I want to go and get an accounts qualification but I don’t have the £250 to pay for the course.

I think if I treat her like the junk food I use to eat and keep telling my self I need to stay away from her in till I can stop being so “dependent” on her acceptance

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:32 pm
by ILoveChristmas
Hi Kinglee,

Well you need a pat on the back for doing so well, particularly with your weight loss, that's nothing short of incredible. It also shows that you have the determination and will power to get through this.

Good on you for deleting her number. It removes the temptation to call or text her in times when you're feeling low, and I suppose that option not being there forces you to find other methods.

I think her not calling you back the other night is only confirmation that you're doing the right thing.

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:04 pm
by Bel Bel
I agree, well done for your weight lose =D>

Can you look at refinancing you loan so you pay less over a longer period?

Re: Don’t know what to do (bit long)

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:40 pm
by /X\kinglee/X\
TBO if i paid less then it will make it longer to pay off and i just want to get the black rain cloud off my back so i dont have to eat cuper soup so i save money lol but if i helps me lose weight faster then no probs but i cant eat if on and on for the next 12 months +

i want to be free so i can spend money on close and so on with out worrying about paying it back.

i found out my boss is leaving and this is a kick up the back side to look for a new job as tbo he was the only thing keeping me in this job lol

also there are the crack heads that get on my bus and so now i have desidid to ride my bike to work (12K from my house) so it will be like me being in the gym for and extra 7.5 hours and i think i will reach my gole of 12 stone in no time lol :lol: