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should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:27 pm
by madbird
i am in love with my mate and dont know what to do, whether to tell him or not.

we got in touch again after 20 odd years, after being at school together. i have had a lot of bad relationships with men and been treated like rubbish. we started talking on line a lot. he is just so wonderful everything i could want in a man the main problem is that hes with someone else and has been for many years.

we have been flirting and a lot of stuff i have thought does he actually fancy me or he is messing about.

anyway we went out for a drink and everything was great. his best mate had a word after he'd gone and said she could tell i was in love with him. i was shocked she could tell when i thought i wasnt being obvious, i wondered if he could tell but i know men dont always pick up on these things (no offence intended lol).

since then he has gone off line and fb. there was rumours going round that we were seeing each other, although he swears this is not the reason, that he just needs a break and will be back some day. he is still texting me and says we will see each other again.

i am going CRAZY i miss him so much, talking to him every night like we did and feel like i think about him 24/7 i have tried not to contact him too much and give him some space but its so hard. sometimes he answers my texts sometimes he doesnt.

should i tell him how i feel or not???

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:52 pm
by RagDoll
In short, no, I don't think you should tell him - what are you hoping to achieve??? You said yourself he is with someone else, and has been for many years.

Surely you don't want to start (another) affair? (if remember rightly, you were involved with someone before that already had a wife/partner)? And to me, it sounds like he is trying to distance himself from you by being off-line etc. anyway, so I think you should respect that and leave well alone. To be honest, I suspect he knows how you feel anyhow and that's the reason he is backing-off. It's too much of a coincidence that his best mate and you discussed your feelings for him, and now he's suddenly not on Facebook etc.

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 7:15 pm
by madbird
she is also my mate too and he hasnt said anything to her.

he was the one who started it not me so i wasnt trying to achieve anything

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:10 pm
by RagDoll
madbird wrote:she is also my mate too and he hasnt said anything to her.


Either way, he's probably picked up on signals. You said there had been some flirtations etc. Meeting up has possibly made him feel guilty hence he's distanced himself.

madbird wrote:he was the one who started it not me so i wasnt trying to achieve anything


I meant what would you be trying to achieve from telling him how you feel?

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:15 pm
by madbird
dont know really, its going to be hard just being a friend :(

maybe that he would feel the same :roll:

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:51 am
by Skarlet
He isn't free to feel the same.

You should let him back away, and you should stop contacting him. He is backing away because he knows he was getting too close. You need to respect that.

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:00 pm
by Bel Bel
i think he may have started it as an innocnet flirt but then it got out of hand and he lead you on a bit so it's his own fault but he also realised that he couldn't keep in touch as it isn't fair on you or his g/f
Leave well alone and find someone unattached

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:02 pm
by Bel Bel
oh and he isn't everything you wnat just appeared that way

would you really want someone who would go behind his g/f back to flirt with someone else - he could do the sameto you as her if it had lead anywhere

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:58 pm
by jen
I agree with the others.

This man is your friend and a bit of harmless flirting between friends occurs all the time but when feelings begin to develop, someone needs to take charge and stop it befor something happens. Your friend has done this. He has realised that he has let things go too far and has probably been feeling guilty about going behind his girlfriends back as well as feeling bad about leading you on. My guess is, his friend who was out with the two of you has probably mentioned to him that she thinks you have feelings for him. He's then probably noticed it himself and has decided to distance himself from you.

From the way you've explained it, it does sound as though he's trying to get some space between you both.

I would leave it well alone. No-one likes a cheat and even if the two of you did get together, you'd be constantly wondering what he was up to and who else he was flirting with.

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:24 pm
by madbird
he has cheated before

wish he would just tell me whats goin on in his head, then i wouldnt have to wonder!!

we always said we could tell each other anything i dont understand ](*,)

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:09 pm
by RagDoll
madbird wrote:he has cheated before


Well, he doesn't sound like the best of catches - even if he does like you back, where could this possibly lead? He's a cheat, he's with someone else... do you want to be someone's piece of fluff?!

madbird wrote:wish he would just tell me whats goin on in his head, then i wouldnt have to wonder!!


Nothing good is going to come from knowing what's going on in his head though - if he likes you, so what??? Unless he's prepared to leave his partner for you (which I very much doubt from what you've said) it wouldn't lead anywhere good anyhow...

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:11 pm
by madbird
i mean from a friend point of view, i thought he could at least tell me ](*,)

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:28 pm
by HappyGoLucky
I may sound silly here but what do you mean by a friend point of view? Him telling you whether he likes you or not as a friend? :S

It still won't do much good if you find out whether he likes you or not. He's probably not going to leave his partner, he's cheated before. Also, like someone else has pointed out, if you do end up with him you'd be constantly wondering if he was flirting with someone else. I think it's best you let him back away and forget it.

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:59 pm
by madbird
what i mean is we've always talked about everything, if he has a problem he could tell me, not knowing drives me mad we r only assuming this is what he is thinking, ive spoken to another of his friends, they said he needed a break and it wasnt what i thought ??

Re: should i tell my mate im in love with him

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:12 pm
by snail
Does it matter what's going on in his head? Romantically, your relationship is a non-starter, regardless. Maybe after a while you can be friends again, but at the moment I'd try your best to forget him.