my best friend told me a BIG secret

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my best friend told me a BIG secret

Postby blondie17 » Fri Jul 18, 2003 11:14 am

my best friend and i r cool but we never really talk about anything important, unless we r drunk and then it all comes out.
we were drinking alot the other day and i got upset with her 4 confiding in another friend all the time and not me.
we had a big talk about this and she told me that she thought she was a lesbian.
it kinda freaked me out but im there 4 her but since then its still the same, she doesnt tell me anything.
i think she wants 2 but doesnt no what 2 say. i tried 2 get her talking by making a joke about what was said but i dont no what 2 do.
the problem is that however reserved she is on being honest with each other im worse.
any ideas on what i can say 2 get her talking?
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Postby mixed up chick » Fri Jul 18, 2003 6:11 pm

Hey
I think you just have to reassure your friend that anything she tells you wont be passed on to anyone else. Tell her as well that if she has any problems you'd really like to know about them so you could help her work her way through them and (it sounds kinda sad) but a problem shared is a problem halved. I dont know know how me and my best friend started doing it but we tell each other mainly everything. I think it's because i know that she isnt going to laugh or tell anyone what i've told her. Make sure your friend knows this and hopefully once she knows that she can fully trust you she may open up about her problems.
Goodluck
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Postby missperfect » Fri Jul 18, 2003 8:56 pm

Hello
I can understand how frustrated u must be, u want to be able to help or support her but it isnt really possible if she hides under the covers everytime u mention the topic. However try and imagine how hard she must find confiding something she probably isnt as comfortable with either. It must be REALLY awkward! Dont take it personally its not that she cant trust u, shes probably too embarassed and afraid of what you may think which explains why she opens up when she is abit out of it.
Id suggest you hint to her that you aren't there to judge and want to be a friend, and friends stand up for each other (unless its the last day off skul b4 summer n the guys all have water bombs flour food dye and eggs).....sorry went off track then....... and also, try and share something with her so she feels encouraged to share with you.

im new at the advice thing so feel free to fo :o :-? :x abt anythin.

Good Luck
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Postby blondie17 » Sat Jul 19, 2003 9:37 pm

thanks
i think ur right, i think she trusts me but its also like me 2 make a big joke out of everything
im gonna try and let her no that not everythings a joke 2 me
i tried by telling her a secret of mine which isnt like me
i guess it will take some time buy i think i'll just hint and hint or maybe openly confront her
if i confront her it might show her how serious i am
i should hav done it at the time but i was drunk and shocked as i never expected it
i just told her its natural made a joke about her fancying me
i'll let u no what happens but thanks 4 the interest :D
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Re: my best friend told me a BIG secret

Postby kinky_kylie_aka_babes » Mon Oct 13, 2003 8:26 am

blondie17 wrote:my best friend and i r cool but we never really talk about anything important, unless we r drunk and then it all comes out.
we were drinking alot the other day and i got upset with her 4 confiding in another friend all the time and not me.
we had a big talk about this and she told me that she thought she was a lesbian.
it kinda freaked me out but im there 4 her but since then its still the same, she doesnt tell me anything.
i think she wants 2 but doesnt no what 2 say. i tried 2 get her talking by making a joke about what was said but i dont no what 2 do.
the problem is that however reserved she is on being honest with each other im worse.
any ideas on what i can say 2 get her talking?


has your friend ever had a lesbian expeirance if not how an she tell that she is a lezbian. kinky kyliexxxxx
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Postby Enigma » Mon Oct 13, 2003 8:33 am

Well kinky_kylie_aka_babes, how does a straight person know they are straight? People just know. You don't necessarily have to have experience to know, experience just reinforces it.
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Postby blondie17 » Mon Oct 13, 2003 3:43 pm

not really 100% sure, she says she doesnt say much bout it but shes pretty tight with this girl who i know has (was at my house and everything) and it wouldnt surprise me. i dont think she is, just think shes curious and confused but a good point anyway
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hopefully

Postby kinky_kylie_aka_babes » Wed Oct 29, 2003 9:13 pm

well ive tried to tell my mate that im bisexual and well she makes jokes i think she knows wat im gettin at but she dont let on i think it scares her so i dont mention it no more. i can understand that u dont wat to say did u think she was tryin it on with u???? good luck with life

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Postby cheese100 » Sat Nov 08, 2003 8:48 pm

A friendship works two ways so it not suprising that she hasnt told you anything if you havent in return .as for the not talking it is probably because you made that joke.She probably thinks that you dislike her and think that being a lesbian is wrong.you must let her know you dont feel this way and that you want to share things.She will need support when telling people so be there for her.cheese xx (by z way i am not just incase you were wondering)
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Postby one4thelads » Sun Nov 16, 2003 10:36 pm

how old is your friend? because people sometimes develop crushes on people in certain times of their lives. A few of my friends use to kiss eachother etc, n tell people that they thought they were bisexual/gay. It turned out to just be a phase.

Remember through all of this, that she still is your best friend and nothing should change that between you.
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Postby Enigma » Mon Nov 17, 2003 2:24 am

IMO, if a friend confides in you about their sexuality, telling them you think it is just a phase is guaranteed to really annoy them. They would not have confided in you if they thought it was just a phase.
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Postby Smiler_Princess » Mon Nov 17, 2003 10:22 am

Hiya blondie17,

I just think you should be there for your friend when she wants to talk. Tell her you'll tell nobody & she can trust you. It really does help and she will be pleased you don't take it badly.

About 6 months ago a friend told me they were bi, at first I was just a bit shocked and didn't know what to say to them, and then they told me another situation about them and somebody of the same sex in my year. It's a big secret as you say, and all i could do was talk do them about it. But it does help.

Try and be very open with her about it and don't make any jokes. Just remember she is still the same girl, they don't change, only their sexualty does.


T :roll:

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Postby one4thelads » Mon Nov 17, 2003 8:34 pm

I'm not saying she should neccessarily tell her friend that she thinks it is just a phase, just that that may be the case. I'm only talking from my experience
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Postby UniBum » Sat Nov 22, 2003 2:58 pm

me & my best mate are like that, we get on really well & we know we can tell each other anything, but we just dont! I kinda had a 'thing' with a girl i met but i havent told my best mate yet, i havent told anyone, i guess i'm worried what people will think. But the thing is i know that if i tell her about it, she will support me, but i just dont want to tell her, im not sure why.

Some people just dont like talking about their private/personal stuff with people, i think its easier talking to a stranger about it rather than ur best mate.
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Postby chris_adelaide » Fri Nov 28, 2003 11:18 pm

Hi there,
I think that it is really good that you are trying to open her up about this revelation. I recently told one of my best friends that i am bi and she has really been there for me. She keeps the secret and is careful of what she says around others, and i just want to say that what you are doing is really nice. Some people just do not like to open up to friends that much, perhaps because they have either had not much experience of this in the past or have had a bad experience of this in the past. Either she will talk when she feels she is ready or you should take her aside and not make too much of a deal of it as if you are forcing something out of her, but just tell her that if she ever wants to talk or confide in someone that you are here and that you always will be. This may reassure her and her confidence in talking on such topics will be boosted.
Good luck
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