Page 1 of 1

I'm losing my best long distance friend, worth salvaging it?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:41 am
by The Annonymous Potato
Right now, I feel like I don't know one of my best friends anymore. (btw, this is a bit long)

I met him almost 4 years ago now. On an online forum. We just clicked right away. just by random chance really, i just replied to something he posted. He suprised me, I was ready to lock horns with another online a-hole. Far from it, we've never fought to date i don't think. We're both slow sensible people, we just stayed in touch through the site, but everyday. I'm not eternally glued to my computer, but we get on so well, or we did. Plus we were 13, and didn't want to be stupid and meet up straight away. We got each other's msn, eventually phone numbers, 2 years down the line, we were still talking and texting everyday, we decided to meet up, he lives not far from my step-grans and we go there every holiday and usually most half terms. the first time, with our parents, before we went off together. After that I'd see him everytime I went up there. Continued like that for another year perhaps. He'd text every other day, then every few days.

But now, I haven't seen him since last summer. The past few times, He's always been ill, or had something come up right at the last minute. We make these arrangements, I plan my holiday around them, then he breaks them literally like 20 minutes before.

I know a lot of you may think it's naive to say I'm losing one of my best friends, as yes, most people you meet online, don't last. But we're really close. I can't explain it really, because he is so unique, he is such a gentleman, a nice, kind, funny, guy. Someone I can always talk to, someone who will always listen, I can always trust. Well, he used to be all that. He was the first person I ever told I was gay, and after that I was the first person he ever came out to aswell. Bet you were thinking we were more than friends, haha. We don't even know why it needed saying, we know each other so well.

well anyway, I'm not just annoyed because I get the feeling he's not really ill and doesn't want to see me anymore, we rarely text anymore. It used to be all him, all the time, now it's like a week and a half before I find myself texting him. I know, things are supposed to be equal, but thats just the way we always were. And when he does text me, it's been getting later and later so we don't have to talk for hours like we used to. And it's not the same anymore. It's like someone else who's just changed, just some self obsessed prima donna trying to conform to everything. Thats how I feel sometimes.

MSN, he almost always ignores me. He used to pop up the second I logged in. And you know what makes it worse? One of my other best friends started talking to him. fine fair enough, if that were just it, no problem. I'm a lesbian, She (other best friend, real life) is incredibly homophobic (but therefore doesn't know i'm gay) and will throw herself at anything male. He is male. He SAYS he's bisexual NOW. I know that boy inside out. He's a chronic conformist. He only talks about guys now, in terms of deep meaningful relationships, but occasionally says stuff like cheryl cole's fit. because every guy does for reasons unknown to me.

She says he's good looking, funny, sweet, I really don't like where this is going. It's crazy, I don't sexually want him, I like girls, but I couldn't bare it if they got together like that. I don't know why, but I feel like maybe thats why we're slipping apart. Like he's not talking to me because he's talking to her. And he knows what she's like, He knows how homophobic she is, and I know thats hypocritical of me, but it bugs me that he knows that and still.

He used to always understand me, always know what to say, keep me going, cheer me up, put me straight, be honest with me, make me laugh, listen to me, and just be there for me. But I hit a really low point at the weekend, I got really really depressed (not about him, other stuff, but it may have been a small factor), I'd been drinking more insanely than ever, mixing spirits, drinking them straight in regular sized glasses, I lost count. If nobody had found me, or found me just 5, 10 minutes later, I'd have died on my back lying in a pool of stomach contents, choking on the next load. unable to move, I didn't want to feel. and I couldn't. I apparently screamed for hours about suicide after, I don't remember anything, but they want me to see a therapist now. I thought it would be best to talk to my best friends, and I was right it helped tremendously. With 2 out of 3, including the homophobic one, but when I tried talking to him, he simply said. "hmmm" followed by "i'm going to bed now"

I don't know who he is anymore. is it even worth trying to salvage this relationship?

Re: I'm losing my best long distance friend, worth salvaging it?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 1:18 pm
by Bel Bel
I don't think it's worth saving
People grow up and change so much as teenagers and for whatever reason he has grown apart from you
It is sad but it's just part of life

Re: I'm losing my best long distance friend, worth salvaging it?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 2:44 pm
by ceilidh1990
I can understand why you would want to cling onto and salvage this relationship, I would do the same.
I've been best friends with a girl since primary 3 and we were so close. During the summer holidays I'd stay at her house 3 of the 6 weeks. Her mum was like a second mum to me.
Then when we got to high school, even though we were in the same classes, she got new friends and I got new friends too. I tried so hard to cling onto her, and it seemed it wasn't working at all. It eventually got to the point where I just gave up on it. I didn't realise that she was still my best friend. As soon as she needed me, I was there and vice versa (I know it's different for you).
Later in high school, she did something I really didn't agree with and there was probably about a year where we didn't talk at all. I don't think I've ever missed someone the way I missed her. But one day, we just started talking again.. I don't even know how it happened, it just did. It was like we couldn't just give up on being friends because it had been so long. We've both changed tremendously, but we still appreciate each other.
These days, as she lives in a different city, I see her about once every 6 months and during the period that I see her we hang out every few days for about 2 weeks, then boom, we don't see each other. We don't even talk to each other really, on msn, text (she's terrible for replying:P) or anything.
The fact I hardly ever talk to her makes me appreciate when I see her, we have so much to talk about and we have such a laugh.
I know it hurts to lose a friend that you've talked to every single day, but that doesn't mean it's the end of the relationship, it can just grow into something more.
I would say not to give up on the relationship, but to leave things be for a bit. If you's are meant to be friends still, you's will be. He might come to you when he needs advice, and I know this seems one sided, but chances are he'll appreciate you still being there for him, and he'll be there for you in return.
At the moment, I would suggest filling the time you spent talking to him with something productive.
When things got bad for me at one point, I started a new club (body combat, it's awesome!) and made so many new friends. And as these are adult relationships, I believe they're more long lasting.
I hope this helps.

Ceilidh x