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How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:58 am
by Fragmented

I wasn't quite sure where to put this, but here goes anyway...

About six weeks ago, I was on a night out in a different city with some friends. We were all pretty drunk ( you are) and towards the end, before we left I met a girl who was straight (I'm not) and we got on alright so before I left we exchanged numbers. A couple of weeks after that, she hadn't contacted me and I wasn't that fussed either to be honest but I decided to send her one of those 'hey how are you? Remember me?' kind of texts. After that we pretty much text quite constantly for a couple of weeks. All day every day, with the odd phone call. They started off just trying to find out more about each other but then got a bit flirty, but nothing too complicated. In that time she told me a lot of personal things about her (like the death of her dad and about an abusive relationship she was in).

She started asking me a lot of hypothetical questions like 'what if someone liked me what would I say? etc etc' and I started getting the feeling she wanted more than friendship. I then made it quite clear in a very general context that I was happy being single, didn't want a relationship and wasn't looking for anyone - hoping she'd get the hint. Her questions then became more specific and I started getting a lot of 'what if we met up and I made a move on you etc.' so I then made it very clear that I don't see her in that way, I'd be happy for us to be friends and don't want anything more. Her questions persisted so then I decided I needed to take a few steps back from how much we were texting because maybe inadvertently I'd led her on. This then led to her asking me why 'I hadn't text her in the morning considering I'd been up for hours? Why was I not saying goodnight?' This got my back up and I had a stern conversation with her explaining that I just see her as a friend at best and I don't text my friends saying things like that every day.

She would text me every morning and night, regardless of me replying. I then retreated and started texting less often and minimising all contact. This in turn led to very long texts from her saying I had changed and this was upsetting her. I don't like upsetting anyone and even though I barely know her, I felt really bad. So I had a long chat with her and said that I got the feeling she wanted more than friendship and I didn't want that, I didn't see her like that and I had retreated because I didn't want to lead her on and upset her as she didn't deserve that and I wanted to be honest and direct. She point blank denied having any feelings for me, said she only wanted friendship and that I had got it wrong. I didn't know what else to say so I left it at that. The next morning it was like going back to square one. We've had several conversations since then and she keeps saying I was the only thing she had to look forward to in a day and that my texts made her happy and I'm making her unhappy by backing away, that I'm 'giving up' on our friendship. I've explained that if she needs a friend that I'll be there but we're not dating and I feel she's asking more from me emotionally that I feel I can give. Also every time we talk she makes crude and suggestive remarks which make me feel uneasy and uncomfortable.

I just don't know what else to say and do. It's like we're going round in circles and I feel really bad that I'm upsetting her but she keeps making me feel guilty for not giving her all my time, whilst denying she has feelings for me. Which is quite obvious by all the things she says and the way she behaves. And I've only know her six weeks!!!!

I'm all out of ideas. Short of cutting her off completely I don't know what else to do. Help??

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:39 pm
by StephEChick
I think you should cut her off completely!!! You've tried everything else, being direct, polite, backing off but obviously nothing has worked!

I think everytime you reply whether its to be polite or to tell her to back off your giving her something to cling onto...getting her hopes up because u care enough to reply!

I know u dont want to come across as mean but she'll never get the hint...........all this in just 6 weeks??

Sorry, cut her off!

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:50 pm
by Skarlet
I completely agree with Steph, the only way is to stop all contact.

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:49 am
by Fragmented
Hi guys,

Thanks for the replies.

I took your advice and haven't made any further contact at all, despite getting the regular odd text. Then last night I got two really really long texts from her basically just saying from when she met me (she quoted the date!) she's felt really close to me and since I've been cutting her off for the last 8 days (again she quoted the number of days) she feels really upset and miserable and is crying and all she ever wanted to do was be good friends and meet up and have a laugh and I've ruined that. She also went on to say a number of other things focussing on how her mum's been told she's really ill and she just needed someone to talk to about it and I've cut her off just when she needed me the most.

My friends are saying she's just emotionally blackmailing me into talking to her but I feel so bad. I just don't get why she's behaving like this when I barely know her. Should I reply to this text?

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:07 am
by ennis81
Oh God hun she really latched on didn't she? Listen don't feel bad, she sounds a bit too needy and being her friend would be a chore, random people you meet can cause you all sorts of trouble, I'm glad to hear you've cut the ties it was the only thing you could do really. Don't reply to the txt she'll find someone else to latch on to soon enough, take care :)

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:59 am
by snail
Sounds like she's a textbook case, Frag :( This isn't your fault.

No, you mustn't reply to the texts at all.

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:27 pm
by StephEChick
Definate emotional blackmail.................better to just ignore all texts still and she will get the hint! If u reply out of guilt she'll get what she wants......your attention! If u cant be that kinda full on friend (not sure many of us could be) then its kinda to ignore, however tough she'll try and make it!

Re: How do I make her see I'm not interested??

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:53 pm
by Fragmented
I had the same long texts sent to me again in the afternoon and a few withheld number calls which I'm a good 90% sure is her. But oh well, I'm not going to respond. God, that'll teach me to swap numbers with a random person I met on a night out lol.

Thanks for all your advice xx