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ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 1:33 pm
by retrochav
I've always been level headed about things, and my life focuses around problem solving and "being there" for friends and family. I have just one achilles heel - if i fall for a bloke!

The situation is this. My nan chats on the internet to people all over the globe, and got friendly with a male escort. He needed a place to stay in London and she suggested he stay at my place. At first i was dead against it, as i have lived alone a long time, and like to escape the world when i get home from work. Nan said that it would only be for a week, and we could all meet in London for a chat and i should decide on meeting him - nan and me are physic so instinct usually protects us from trouble.

So we met, I knew i liked him straight away. He was so manly, yet gentle at the same time - just what i love in a bloke! I agreed to let him stay, and we had a great week together. I really enjoyed cooking and laundering for him, it reminded me of being in a relationship. I slept on the sofa and he had my bed at first. Then we would cuddle up and watch TV and one night he suggested we cuddle up in bed together, which we did, and it was fantastic to lay in his strong arms. He was so in demand from men and women alike, and struggled to fit them all in, but was alway home when i got in of an evening.

The problem? I know he doesnt fancy me, I'm just an "amazing person" in his eyes. I know i am lucky to get what he charges £300 for others to get - a night in his arms! Yet i wish i were able to be closer to him, I'm not the jealous type and i'm low maintainance. However, beyond amazingly blue eyes and a personality that keeps friends close, I havent got a great deal in the way of looks. Having a broken nose and two teeth missing doesnt make me a lottery prize and it really hurts to love someone who will never look at me as anything other than a mate.

I suppose my major fear is that one day he'll find the bloke who ticks all his boxes and i will never see him again. Its stirred up feelings that i havent felt for years, and it makes me feel so sad. I wear a smile and no-one but my nan knows what is really going on. Her belief is that we'll be together in time, but i cant hold onto that, as i usually work in logic and even my gut feeling says saddness is only one wrong move away.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with falling for a mate? I really dont want to loose this friendship if i can help it.

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:12 am
by captainf
Falling for a friend is one of them situations where it could be the best thing that ever happened, or could be the worst.
I am curious though, how do you know he doesnt like you back? I mean, he cuddled with you in bed, so surely he must like you?
I dont know what to suggest because of the potential that it could go badly. However, I guess you have 2 options, either tell him you like him, or dont say anything at all. If you dont say anything at all then you've got to stop the cuddling in bed and things like that because its all very relationship related stuff and you need to refrain from that in order to move on.

So to summarise - its up to you - either tell him, or dont, and if you choose not to then try not to get too involved.

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:28 am
by snail
Agreed, there isn't much you can do, except see him less often, and cut out physical contact, if you're sure he wouldn't have romantic feelings for you. You could take the attitude that if you were right for each other, these feelings would be mutual.

But it does seem like you might be a bit starry-eyed and taken in by a handsome charmer with not much substance. After all, what this person does for a living is dubious, to say the least (I'm assuming from the "night in his arms bit" that he sees to all his clients' needs!). And if he services both men and women rather than just one or the other, then I think that's downright icky (it would be alright if it was due to attraction, but there's something about doing both sexes for money that's very unpleasant). I certainly wouldn't want him as a boyfriend, purely on those grounds. What impact would that have on any relationship? You say you're not the jealous type, and you're low maintenance, but why should you have to be? Why sell yourself short and settle for less? And this thing of him suggesting you cuddle up in bed together - talk about leading you on! He didn't seem to care how it affected you. If you can get past this initial bit where you've been swept up in this guy, I think you might find he really isn't the great catch you think he is.

Nice to see you again, anyway :D

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 1:10 pm
by Bel Bel
I have the same questions as captain - how do you know he doesn't see you that way
I also have the same caution as Snail about his job.

If you feel your teeth and nose hold you back can you get anything done about them. You may not have to pay yourself if it's affecting your confidence, it would be worht a chat with the doctor. As for the teeth can you enquire at the dentist about getting replacements and what that would cost.

I definately agree you shouldn't sell yourself short. You always come accross as very caring and a decent guy and you deserve to be with someone who sees you as an equal not just someone to keep them warm

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 4:36 pm
by retrochav
Hi Guys,

Thanks for your replies which really help me get this into focus.

I cant be sure how he feels for me, but i know he has truck loads of admirers - we cant go in a pub without heads turning! I go outside for a smoke and its like twenty questions from men and women who want to get close to him. My instinct is that if he wanted me he would make it clearer, which he hasnt.

In answer to the questions, yes you would be suprised to find (I know i was!) that some people just pay to have someone cuddle them all night! £300 to listen to someone snore cant be bad can it!

I feel on reflection that i am lucky to have what i have and i'll just have to accept the warmth of friendship, and if he suprises me with deeper feelings that will be his call.

Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it.

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 9:27 pm
by captainf
Only just saw your reply.
I hope it turns out the way you want it to mate.

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2010 8:43 pm
by retrochav
Hi Captain,

Thanks for your post, I can only hope things may one day change. In the meantime i'll focus on friendship and take it from there.

Re: ever fallen for a friend?

PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2010 11:11 pm
by captainf
I hope it does change for you. Fingers crossed :)