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My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Thu May 27, 2010 8:13 pm
by caren
Hi all, I found myself in a horrible situation today and I'm feeling a bit upset about it.

I've been unemployed for the last few months and my best friends dad gave me a few hours work in his business just doing some office work. He doesnt have any employees so when I'm working I'm alone with him and the office is in quite an isolated location. He has in the past made a few pervy comments which have made me feel uncomfortable but I just tried to laugh them off thinking he's just a dirty old man.
This morning I had to call to his house to get my wages. My friend still lives at home but she was at work. His wife was also at work. Anyway, we were alone and just talking about work when he suddenly commented that I was looking very well. He asked if I was in a hurry to go anywhere, I felt nervous and said I was meeting a friend. He then suggested that we "have some fun" and "no one has to know" and started rubbing my leg. I was mortified and quickly stood up and trying to laugh it off I went to leave. He got up and grabbed me in a hug and started slobbering in my ear and trying to kiss me while thrusting up against me. I pulled away as quick as I could, it wasnt really a struggle but he was being persistant if you know what I mean. I quickly left, he followed me to the door, and said that he hoped he hadnt offended me and he wouldnt do it again.
I feel so horrible all day. I went home and was pretty upset so I told my boyfriend but just told him that the guy had propositioned me, cause I know if I told him the rest he would go straight over there and cause a massive scene. As it is he's really upset and wants to ring him and give him an earful about his behaviour. I had to beg him not to. I probably shouldnt have told him anything but I felt like I had to.
Obviously I dont want to work for him anymore, even if i did my boyfriend would make sure I didnt. I dont want to talk to my friend either, she called this evening and I didnt answer. She is my best friend and I spend a lot of time with her including with her family. Her mum is so lovely. I have no desire to tell her or anything like that but I feel really gross and horrible and embarrased. Even though I know this jerk is the one in the wrong I feel like I've done something to be ashamed of. My boyfriend is being weird with me now, he's pretty upset, he says that by not doing anything about it I'm letting him get away with his behaviour but I can just imagine how awful it would be if I told anyone. I just want to forget it. But i never want to see this man again and I dont know how to do that without my friend being suspicious. Sorry for the long post! And its probably in the wrong place but I needed to get it out!! Thanks.

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Fri May 28, 2010 11:48 am
by Bel Bel
God I totally understand why you're distressed, I'm so sorry

I understand why your boyfriend is upset but you are going to have to tell him your friend is too important to lose and you don't wANt to be responsible for a divorce. Tell him you see his point of view but this happened to you and he must respect what direction you want to take it

Don't ignore your friend she hasn't done anything wrong either. Try to just be normal with her. Try to forget her dad is the same man that did this to you when you are with her. I know there may be events that you are at togeher but there will be other people about. Next time you have a chance tell him very clearly you will tell your friend and his wife if he dares ever try anything liek that again. I am pretty sure he will be too scared to make another move especially as you didn't reciprocate.

If you can't be normal then you will have to say something as it's not fair that your friend will feel like you cut her off when she has done nothing. I know it will be difficult but soon enough you should be able to get back to normal

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:20 am
by PurePurple
This isn't the wrong place to get it out at all - And it's lucky you did let it out!

I've had something like this happen to me and I never told anyone, So i understand about your boyfriend wanting to go round and say something to him!

Just remember this isn't your fault at all, But you shouldn't tolerate any sort of thing like that towards you.

I absoloutely agree with Bel Bel that you shouldn't tell your friend unless he does it again - Saying something now could result in it going horribly wrong but understandly if he does it a second time there is a serious need to tell your friend and her mum, and you need to get out of that job if he does it again.

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:05 pm
by spacegirl
oh my goodness i just came across this how awful! I hope u r ok and that things have gone back to normal with you and your friend. i admire your restraint, i'd probably be up threatening legal action or something. *shakes head in disgust*

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:41 am
by blue sky
That's horrible! What an awkward situation to be in!
I can fully appreciate you not wanting to tell either your boyfriend or your best friend in a bid to spare their feelings but to be honest if this guy is brazen enough to try it on with his daughters best friend this probably isn't the first time this has happened and it probably won't be the last. I don't know what the situation with you now is but if this is still putting a strain on your relationship with your friend and your boyfriend then i would tell them, why should you suffer as a result.
Put yourself in your friends situation if your dad had done the same would you want to know? It's disrespectful, maybe the shock of having people find out what his really like will stop him in his tracks and make him think twice before he does anything like that again.

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:21 pm
by MissBlue
This isn't an easy case.
First you were shocked because of the actions of your bestfriend's dad and it's normal. I think it was a good idea to avoid any trouble by not telling your boyfriend the truth, it would have been horrible for everyone.

You said that the dad had told you he won't do it any more, so now you should weigh the pros and cons. If you explain the story to your best friend, she may be really shocked, and it could destroy her family. But if you keep it to yourself, i'm pretty sure one day you will burst.

For me, your best friend is the one who share everything with you. So you have to tell her. Or you will end by losing her. And you need her, as much as your boyfriend who has to know all the story. I really thing it would be the better solution.

Good luck! :)

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:07 pm
by lostshychild
thats disgusting you should tell ur friend he could end up doing it to someone else or evan worse raping someone how do you know hes not messing with kids if hes that much of a perve for a start that is sexual assault and should not be ignored

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 12:22 am
by Tarantula
Out of order!

You didn't do anything wrong, I think he deserves everyone to know, for his daughter and wife to look at him with disgust. Also if you did tell your friend, that doesn't make you responsible for a divorce! You're just speaking the truth, it's his slimy actions that would've caused it, if your friend told your mum and she decided to go down that route.

It's so good that you have a boyfriend who is protective about you. I dunno, it's your life, but by keeping quiet about it, it implies that you think you have something to be ashamed of?

I'd be guns blazing. But that's just me.

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:34 pm
by Liquidius
THAT is terrible. You poor thing! You have NOTHING to be ashamed of though, you didn't do anything wrong. Infact, you acted quite calmly considering. I would have gone nuts!!

I know that some people have said on here to keep it quiet, but I don't think I could!! I certainly couldn't act "normally" around my friend or any of her family, especially when I had to eventually explain to her why I've stopped working for her Dad.

If I were in your situation, I'd tell your friend. You wouldn't want her to find out any other way than via you. There is the possibility that she may not believe you and take her Dad's side, but I think that's a risk I'd be willing to take. If she does take your side, it'll expose her Dad for what he really is, and hopefully make him re-evaluate his actions, and perhaps help him to save his marriage (which must be in trouble if he's wondering around doing things like this!).

Re: My friends pervy dad

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:15 pm
by snail
Caren posted this nearly a year ago, guys.