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Friend Vs Boyfriend

PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 8:40 pm
by Daisyduke
Hello everyone, this problem has nearly being going on a year now and I'm at my wits end! Basically last year I found out that my boyfriend of 9 years had cheated. He still says he didnt sleep with her but took her out and they kissed. Anyway at first I was upset but I'm over it and me and my boyfriend have worked things out.
Just after I found out (last year) I stupidly told one of my friends who I thought would help me through it, be there for me and just generally be a good friend. Anyway she has since done nothing but go on a one woman protest against my boyfriend even though it happened a year ago...and I'm well over it! She does nothing but slag him off and even falls out with me if I mention him. Last night she even said she wanted him to die and was slagging off his family which was a bit much!
I have tried to cut this friend out of my life by not contacting her but on the other hand I'm afraid she will tell people what went on between me and my boyfriend. She is constantly on Facebook and is friends with a number of my boyfriends friends. I suppose I'm scared that if I do anything to upset her she will blab all my business about on facebook (she has done this before to another friend of ours). My boyfriend has been understanding with the way she has been acting. He says he understnads why she's like that because she's trying to look out for me and that he hurt me so she naturally wants me to be happy. It's just getting plain ridiculous now and even though she has been upsetting me more lately I still kinda want her as a friend.

Any advice on what you would do?

Re: Friend Vs Boyfriend

PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 10:33 pm
by Skarlet
Hi Daisyduke,

Have you talked to her about her attitude towards your boyfriend, if I were you, I would ask her to go for coffee, and then tell her that her attitude towards your boyfriend is hurting and upsetting you. That although you know she has your best interests at heart, you have decided to give it ago, and he has promised that he won't do it again and you believe him and that should be enough for her. If she argues just say please, support me. You don't have to support him, and if it all goes to pot then she can say I told you so, but up til that point can she please support you.

Hopefully that would make her think a bit more, and then you can rest easy that she won't be telling everyone your secrets.


Re: Friend Vs Boyfriend

PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 10:45 pm
by Daisyduke
Thanks for your reply Skarlet.

I did try to talk to my friend yesterday about her attitude but she just went on a rant about how much she hates him, how much of an idiot he is etc. She also keeps dropping little insults to me in a 'round about' way. For example she was talking about how Cheryl Cole was sooooo weak to accept her husbands cheating and how she would still have self respect and not accept that of a man. Then she was saying how Ashley Cole cheated again and basically that was because Cheryl made it OK by forgiving him the first time. It's getting to the point where I'm scared to bring the whole situation up incase she falls out with me and then the Facebook rants begin.
I have deleted my Facebook account because I was paranoid and getting obsessed with seeing if she had mentioned it or been speaking to any of his friends. The thing that annoys me the most is that she is no saint herself. Every boyfriend she has had she has cheated on them, but has never been found out. It kind of ridicuous considering were 30 and I feel like she's acting like a school kid!

I think I do need to have a serious chat with her even if I have to shout over her rants about him. :(

Re: Friend Vs Boyfriend

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:14 pm
by Bel Bel
One more try and tell her you respect that her opinion but if you can't agree to disagreee about this then your friendship will suffer as you don't intend to leave him

I can't quite understand her pure venom, unless she knows something else she isn't telling you, perhasp you should ask her.

If all this is purely about what happened you have to tell her you just don't care anymore what he did and if that makes you weak so be it because you're happy

If she decides to rant it will be second hand news in a heartbeat and you tell people what happens between you and your b/f is no one elses business and tell people not to listen to gossip. If she is the way you say I doubt she will be believed anyway. Also his friends aren't going to care what she says and are likely to defend him

Life is too short to let people ruin it like this

Ultimately if she is becoming toxic you don't really want her around

Re: Friend Vs Boyfriend

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:15 pm
by Bel Bel
Also if she won't hear your point of view I would mention she is no angel and doesn't have the right to judge as she only knows your side of the story