How do I deal with this friend?

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How do I deal with this friend?

Postby sean83 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:59 am

Before I left to Australia from UK, I use to spend most my weekends with a close friend, we'd get completely drunk each weekend, until I realized I was completely depressed by the monotony of my life, going to work 9-5 in a crappy admin job unrelated to my degree, and then getting drunk on the weekend and looking to get laid. Then the same cycle all over again, thats when I decided to move to Australia a pursue my dreams, however my friend continues to do the same thing, he has two degrees, in media and history, yet has only worked sales jobs, we're both 27. And have graduated university for a years now.

He doesn't really consistently work, he'll take up these sales jobs now, and quit them after a few weeks, saying he hated the boss. He lives at home with his mother, who is a widow. He doesn't seem to have any real direction in life, when I ask what he wants to do, he'll come up with something vague saying I'm looking a career change, something out of the office, but never really follows through.

He distorts things, from what really happened, he fell out with one of his best friends a few year ago, and use to tell me how arrogant he is. Yet a few years after I mentioned it in a conversation how they've made now from when they fell out. But he denied it happened, and said they never fell out at all.

He'll boast about how much he can drink, and boasts about getting laid, saying he lost his virginity at 12 and has slept with over 70 women, and is amazing bed. He use to constantly try and preach to me when I was drunk and depressed, saying I shouldn't bear grudges against school bullies, and would try and help get me laid, he said seen himself as an older brother figure to me, even tho I'm a few months older than him.

Looking back on it, his preaching gets on my nerves considering he doesn't really have any direction within his own life other that to get drunk each weekend. He likes to make out he is a manipulator, and try pull of this whole, Charlie Sheen like, womanizing, basket image, and will brag about how he his sleeping with other women whilst he his dating a girl who thinks she is in a relationship with him. He validates himself through drinking and getting laid, and he'll sleep with really ugly women, and hang out at slutty bars. He preaches that I shouldn't care how good looking the girl is if I wanna get laid.

I'll be going back to UK next year to visit for my sisters wedding, even tho I'd like to see him, I know he won't have changed at all, and will want to invite me out to drunk with him, and he'll be preaching and bragging again.
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Re: How do I deal with this friend?

Postby snail » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:29 am

Poor guy! He sounds lost and desperately insecure.

Well, it's up to you, really. If you don't want to see him, then don't. If you feel the friendship is still worth something, then you could see him and just put up with him. At some point he may change and get his act together, but I doubt you can influence that, other than by possibly providing him with an example of an alternative way of life.
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Re: How do I deal with this friend?

Postby spacegirl » Sun Aug 29, 2010 3:11 pm

Sounds like he knows fine well that his life is going no-where and overcompensates by boasting but his drinking and partying to make it sound like his life is exciting. If you do decide to meet up with him, make it a drink or a meal or whatever and just remember that you've followed your dreams and made something of your life and he doesn't seem to have anything to say. Snail's right he does seem vey insecure but he doesn't seem to be doing anything to change things.

Although to be honest, you don't really seem to have anything in common, will you really bother trying to maintain this friendship?
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