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Friend and boyfriend

PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 12:44 pm
by smiler656
I would appreciate any help on this topic. I hope this post doesn't come across as all muddled up, but unfortunately that's how I feel and things are not quite clear and straight in my mind.

I recently got a job 2 hours from home and I travel home every weekend to see my family, friends and boyfriend. My boyfriend also travels home every weekend from college an hour and a half from home (in the opposite direction to me- typical!) I have found the weekends hectic with trying to fit everyone in but I work very hard during the week so that my weekends can be purely for socialising. I do feel sometimes that I'm split in 3 different directions but I've settled into this now and I have really enjoyed the past few weekends. However, this week my relationship with my best friend seems to be falling apart. She is barely speaking to me and all she has said is that she feels unhappy. The guilt I feel at not giving her my all is very strong. She is unhappy in her job but has no alternative at this stage. We have always relied on each other but I feel the pressure now at the weekends. I can't seem to make her happy but i do realise that this is about more than just me. My main problem is splitting my time between her and my boyfriend. I'm torn between the two of them now. She never asks me to do anything at the weekends because she doesn't want to disrupt my plans with him so I am always the one to organise things. this can be so disheartening for me and I feel like it makes relationship unequal. It's gotten to the stage where it has crossed my mind about ending it with him but I just can't do it. I realise that she is the one that will always be there for me and he probably won't but at the same time I love him and he makes me so happy. But I hate the idea that I'm the girl who puts her boyfriend before her friends.

I'm afraid to talk to my friend about this because I'm afraid of what will come out. I think she depends on me too much but it would make her very defensive if I said this because she knows it herself and the truth hurts. In the back of my mind I'm thinking too - if it wasn't for my boyfriend would I depend on her totally? I'm afraid of what she will say to me because I already feel so guilty about the time I spend with my boyfriend. She is not someone who opens up very easily and I find it hard to talk to people unless I have things straight in my head and I really don't at the moment.

I'm hoping this will blow over and we will settle into a better routine. I suppose it is early days yet. But I live for the weekends and now they are ruined. I would appreciate any advice people have.

Re: Friend and boyfriend

PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:53 pm
by Bel Bel
don't allow your weekends to be ruined
So what if your the one who has to organise, thats usually how it is with a b/f - lol
She doesn't wnat to push you away and is trying to be a good friend by not coming between you and your b/f's time.
Just make sure you see, perhaps have a set routine - everyother Saturday weither go out in the day of the evening.
As for your b/f sdoesn't he have friends he wants to do the same with.
Also can you do group things and have your b/f and your friend there together.
Is this a long term thing or do you think in time you can get a job nearer to home?

Re: Friend and boyfriend

PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:08 pm
by smiler656
Thank you for your reply Bel Bel.

Re-reading what I wrote I can see how caught up I was in the situation. A bit of time away from it was all I needed. We have arranged a girly weekend away this weekend so that's something to look forward to :D
Yes my boyfriend does his own thing with his friends too- we usually have one night at the weekend for each other and one for our friends.

Think the best solution would be a 4 day weekend :)

Re: Friend and boyfriend

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 4:15 pm
by Bel Bel
Quote: Think the best solution would be a 4 day weekend

Yes yes I agree :P