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Best Friend Trouble

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2003 1:00 am
by winnie3n
Hi there this is my first post.

I have a male best friend (lover) who I love so much. He owes me a considerable amount of money and has not paid me back yet. This has been going on for five years.

We have been seeing each other for 7 years, and I work for him. He has recently stopped coming to see me as often and is very unresponsive to me when I ask for help. Yet I always have to help him. He has just gone into a new business and I am helping with that, but the female who he is in business with has just told me that he slept with her once.

I lost it with her today and told her about his and my relationship - although this has been secret for the past seven years. I feel guilty now.

But I also feel lost, hurt, angry and very very used and abused by him over all of this.

He is on holiday for the next couple of weeks and I cant talk to him, and I need to let him know what has happened before she does.

I am depressed and on anti depressants.

Did I do right? Should I feel guilty, how the hell do I get over this?



PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2003 7:39 am
by jasperlens
Hi Winnie,
It sounds like he`s been using you. He owes you money, hasn`t paid you back and it`s been going on for 5 years!
You work for him, basically you`re sleeping with the boss.This relationship is on his terms and he doesn`t seem to care about you, but expects you to help and be there for him.If he has slept with this business partner you have every reason to feel `lost hurt, angry and used and abused`
When he returns from holiday, DON`T say a thing about the incident to him. See a citizens advice person for advice in getting some money back.
You`ve no need to feel depressed. You`ve done NOTHING wrong. You are the victim in all this.
If you can`t walk away, then walk tall.
best wishes

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2003 10:20 am
by winnie3n
Thanks for the response.

At the moment I am very very low. And I know I need to be strong about this. I know what I need to do but I am so hurt about it all. I feel like I am breaking in two.

On top of all this, my Mum has lung cancer and is slowly dying.

I do know it is not my fault, it is his and I have to hold onto that thought.

Speak soon


PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2003 11:07 am
by woodyyear
Hi winnie,
I`m so sorry to read about your situation and the news about your mum. You must be strong for her. It is not your fault, this man is a user and is not worth the time of day. We all go `blind` in love, just try to put him behind you, you deserve someone who`ll love you for you, not your money.
Be Strong

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 6:01 am
by winnie3n
Hi there

Just a quick update. Lost my temper good and proper with this 'best friend' of mind when he phoned me from his holiday.

He would not talk about it, but then phoned me the following day and had a real go at me, and basically told me that he had had enough and that I had pushed him too far.

Sorry, but what about me in all of this, where are my feelings, does he think that all this is is about him. For christ sake he was able to afford a £2,500 holiday this year, I cant and wont be able to for some years.

I know I was supposed to keep things secret but 5 years of being used and abused by him is really enough.

I am beginning to not care about him or his business and just feel like blowing the whole thing out from under him.

Really really depressed, angry, hurt, confused over this.

Enough ranting


PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:39 am
by jasperlens
HE`S HAD ENOUGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You`ve given this guy so much and he treats you like that, you say yourself 5 years of being used and abused by him.
Do whatever means possible ,Winnie, to get some respect from this man.
Take care

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 10:43 pm
by sovs
After the way he's treated you he should feel disgusted with himself.

If you can, get your money back make him suffer.
And i hate to say it but you basically paid for that holiday.
Ditch him and concentrate on the people that matter, spend time with your mum. My nan died of bowel cancer at the end of 2001 and i miss her a lot, but you know what, the memorys for being there for her while she was ill in hospital makes me feel better, as i was someone who was there for her and we enjoyed each others company, spend every precious minute you can with your mum, you wont regret it. :wink:

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2003 2:50 am
by winnie3n
Thank you for all your kind words.

I have basically decided that I am going to ditch him and his job, and try to get all my money back.

I dont really care if that hurts him, I have had enough and I dont know why I have protected him for all these years. I was stupid.

Still feel depressed about this, but I will get over it.



PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2003 9:09 am
by winnie3n
Hi all again.

Suppose I should tell you that the reason this has to be secret is that he is married with two children.


PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2003 2:15 pm
by jasperlens
If he was willing to cheat on his wife and family he is just a rat, but please winnie be careful as you will be painted bad by him and you don`t deserve him.
In this mess the childrens needs must come first and this could be a painful time.
take care

PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2003 9:24 pm
by winnie3n
Thanks Jasperlens

I know this is going to be a painful time, and I know the children's needs must come first.

I have no idea how this will turn out, and to be honest I am feeling very very low, I cant eat, sleep, or concentrate at the moment. And he wants to see me tomorrow to discuss it.

I not only lose him I lose my job as well in this situation. Judgement on me I suppose.

But in all this, I still feel used and abused by him, this is not all my fault. Although he says that it is.

Will let you know of the outcome, if I can tomorrow.

Thanks once again


PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2003 11:07 pm
by misatok11
It takes two to tango so he must take his share of the blame. These things are never easy to forget and can take time. 7 years is a long time to forget about. Hope this gets sorted soon and your life gets back on track soon. :D :)

PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2003 12:23 am
by winnie3n
Hi all

Just to let you know he hasn't been to see me, he texted me tonight to say that he had only just put his phone on.

Had a sh**ty email from him - which read that he is really angry at me. God do I feel lost, confused and bewildered about this.

Well little does he know just how angry I am at him.

Will keep you updated.

Take care


PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2003 12:16 am
by winnie3n
Hi all

Hope am not boring you.

He rang on Monday and we had a row over the phone that lasted all afternoon. Said it was my fault. But he had calmed down at the end of the call a little and so had I.

Saw him today and we talked things through, things seem to be a little better now and he has agreed to pay me. I dont know whether I trust him or not now, and certainly now we are no longer lovers.

He says that he will be speaking to the Business Partner on Monday and that as far as we are concerned, we have to move forward from this.

Will see how it goes, at least he did take the blame for putting me in a situation like this.

I will just have to wait and see what happens now.

Thanks for all your help and support


PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 7:01 am
by winnie3n
Hi all

Final update, I no longer work for him, he is no longer my friend and I am getting my money back.

I have had it with people lying to me totally and utterly and just will not stand for it.

Thanks for everything