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Disgusted with friends but I have to stay friendly

Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 7:16 pm
by lowopinionated
Im feeling rather out of place lately with my workmates. They say they want to be friendly with me, and I do with them but I'm feeling so out of place and I don't like what they do or have been doing.

Basically it all boils down to 3 workmates nearer my age (in their 30's, although I'm nearly 40) who have been having affairs and 2 timing. I won't go into too much detail but one girl (who has a partner) had a one night stand with another guy (who also has a partner although he works in a different office) and they still keep in touch by text and email. Their partners didn't know what was going on, but recently the fella involved, his girlfriend has found out as she found their steamy texts whe checking his mobile phone. So there's a lesson to be learnt there. Someone will find out. Thing is, they still want to stay in touch. Up to them I guess. But they're both reall silly and I'm very dissapointed in them as I like them both.

Other person, is another bloke. Ever since I've known him, I've found him a bit surly. A lot of the time I get on quite friendly with him, but I know he's got a problem with womanising. He was up until recently living with his last girlfriend for some years, but during this past year, I know he had been seeing another girl he met at a work course (who works at another office) who he chatted up and they started an affair. I thought that was bad, but didn't think too much more, but now things have gone messy with his "main" relationship, he has started another affair with another girl in my current office, while still seeing the other one!

You might remember another thread I started as I asked for advice on impressing a lady I liked (but hardly knew) from my office at the upcoming Xmas party. Well as I said on the thread, it all went pear shaped and I didn't get much of a chance to chat to her, and she seemed more bothered about being interested in him. This was because he kept rabbiting to her and texting her to come to other pub visits etc which he said was so I could meet her. But it backfired. She seems to have taken it as, him being interested in her. Don't get me wrong, I can handle the fact she wasn't interested in me, it's more the fact she likes him. I know him well, and he's nothing but trouble and has hurt women in the past. He also admitted he hasn't told either girl about each other. He brags about dozens of past women he's had and I would have thought that would put a lot of women off.

They of course have continued seeing each other, and sounds like the one in my office, is now trying to seduce him. I don't know her very well but I assumed she was a nice girl, and quite sensible and quiet, but last night I told a couple of other ladies in my office (who know the same people) that I was surprised she was interested in him, going by his baggage and past history, (Which she does know a bit of, as he's told her, when I've been sitting nearby e.g recent break up and child from another relationship before that one), but she seems to be one of these women who easily gets herself involved with the "bad boys". From what she told another girl, she's been hurt before. The way I see it, she's going to get hurt again! But one other workfriend (the girl mentioned in the 2nd papargraph above) said "yeah but you can't think like that, it's chemistry" when I expressed my surprise at the two of them getting together. :o Yeah there's chemistry - the wrong kind! They all seem to be sex maniacs in my office!! It's just lust! Am I the only sensible one there?? (Apart from older people).

I know, I know, it's none of my business, but I think she's too good for him, I feel like I'm the odd man out and all these workmates I know involved, I always liked and respected their good points. But is this just normal behaviour nowadays?? He says it is and "the worlds moved on". Utter bull I say! :evil:

Another thing, is that this bloke mentioned above, now just keeps rabbiting in the office about his nights with her, and their texts and last Monday, I'd had enough and told him, that the whole thing was making me sick with his bragging and can't he just button it! ](*,) He was surprised but as he regards me as a friend he said, "Look we are just friends, nothings happened, and I'm not forcing myself on her, she's only a bit lonely and has been single for a long time", as a poor excuse. But then I over heard him tell another girl that if this girl wants him too, he will sleep with her and thinks he probably will at some point! I wish I could tell both women he's seeing, what he's up to, but I know that won't be a good idea...........

On top of that, I'm supposed to be going on a long weekend trip with about 9 people from work, including the people I've mentioned and 5 other people, for my 40th next month. But all they seem to talk about down the pub is their ****ing relationships and sex acts as well as turning everything into dirty jokes like stupid teenagers. It's getting embarresing but if I complain to the bosses, they'll have a winge at me and about the bosses.

They probably think I'm jealous as I'm single, never had any long term girlfriend, but all I want to do is be honest, be a good loyal boyfriend, possibly husband to a decent honest woman with values, one day and I'm not driven by sex. I have standards which I want to stick by and would never 2 time. And when are some of these "nice girls" going to wake up about these love rats!!?? :o ](*,) They are just giving all us blokes a bad name, which is already difficult to shake off it seems, going by the way some hurt women talk!

The other awkward thing is that, this chap mentioned above,.............begrudgingly I have to say has been trying to be a good friend. Giving me clothing tips and advice, given me some of his old clothes when he had a clearout, (which workmates said looked good on me, but I think they're a bit tight on me really), and says he sympathises with me for being single for so long. They all want to try and help they say, but it seems like the wrong advice..................... Plus I'm supposed to be sharing a room with him on the trip! :roll:

I'm a bit worried that I my drink a bit too much one night on the trip and all my frustration will come out, and I'll tell people exactly what I think, one night and it'll ruin everything. But that will seem such a shame after I've built up a friendship with them.

I have got a bit of advice from some friends, who've said, I need to make them realise that I don't have a lifestyle like them but some other opinions would be welcome.

Re: Disgusted with friends but I have to stay friendly

Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:56 am
by RagDoll
I mean this in the nicest possible way - I think you need to start socialising more with people that aren't your colleagues and stop worrying about what everyone else is up to.

I can see why you think their carrying on is pretty shocking, but as you pointed out yourself, it is none of your business and there is nothing you can do about it. Just let these people get on with it - they will be the ones who have to face the consequences when it all goes wrong (which it usually does in the end).

It sounds like these people aren't on your wave length (thankfully!) so why do you chose to spend so much time with them? If it's because you don't have a large group of friends outside of work, then I would suggest you start taking up more hobbies etc. which will probably lead you to meet people that are more like minded than your work friends.

Re: Disgusted with friends but I have to stay friendly

Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:01 pm
by lowopinionated
You're right.

I was in a bit of of a fed up mood yesterday so I was sounding off, so sorry if it all sounded stupid. The thing is, I got to know these people and became friendly before I got to know much about them, and we can't always choose our workmates even if we can choose our friends. After all, you've got to try and make the effort to get on with people you're going to work with but you don't know what they're like till you get to know them.

Hopefully I may be moving to another department possibly soon, so I can make a fresh start and see less of them. :roll:

On the forthcoming trip, there ARE some more sensible people going as well, so I'll stick with them. I've made it quite clear I'm not interested in joining in with anything silly.

As for having friends outside of work, and taking up hobbies. I do have plenty of hobbies and interests but often the enthusiasts clubs I'm in, I don't see the people often enough so there's long periods of time which get a bit lonely, although its always good when I meet up with the people. Many also live too far away.

I'll try and see about joining hobby clubs nearby, to where I live but they've got to be something I'm interested in.