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Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:17 am
by LME79
Hi everyone,

Has anyone experienced this before? I have a mate who I have known for about six years. We used to be close but within the last 9-12 months she, for some reason, has really started to irritate me. We don't see each other that often (every 2 to 3 months if that) but we're in contact on the mighty Facebook and occasional e-mails. But whenever I see her I feel really on edge and I can't explain why. I feel absolutely awful because she hasn't done anything majorly wrong ... yet I still feel uncomfortable. We've never had a fall out, we've never had a fight, we went on holiday together a while back and everything was genuinely good then so why is it that recently I feel uncomfortable? The ONLY thing that I can think of is that about a year ago she made a comment about my job: "I wish I had a superficial job like yours where you can sit on the internet" (I worked in publishing at the time and she's a teacher) which really stung but that was ages ago and I simply flinched and brushed it off at the time.

I feel really awful for not knowing why I don't feel like myself when I'm around her anymore and it's not like it's anything she's done. Has anyone else had this before?

Re: Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:19 pm
by RagDoll
Yes! I think sometimes you just grow apart - the way I see it, some friends are life-long friends, where others fit comfortably into your life at a certain point in time, when you probably have 'lifestyle' things in common, but you aren't going to be close forever.

I think it depends how much you really have in common, not in terms of where you live, work, whether you're single/in a relationship, but whether you see eye to eye. Not that you have to agree all the time or anything, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable around people that I know are on a totally different wave length to me. It makes it hard to have open conversations about the way you think/feel. I don't know if any of this is ringing true or if I'm just rambling on?! haha.

For example, I have a friend that is a lovely person at heart, but we are just so different. We became good friends when we were both single and would go out a fair bit together and support each other through all the ups and downs of being single etc. However, now I have a long-term relationship, I've come to realise that what was underpinning our friendship was a similar situation. Now I find it hard to make conversation with her and find common ground as we're nothing alike.

Re: Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:37 pm
by snail
That is all so true, Ragdoll!

Re: Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:24 am
by captainf
Maybe it was the comment she had made that kick started it. Did you react to it? If not, perhaps thats why the ill feeling started. Maybe you should of said something like 'well, id rather do this than teach a bunch of kids that dont really wanna be there' Of course that would of provoked a reaction, but it might of stopped you from mulling over it and wishing you had said something rather than accepting her arrogancy.

Mind you sometimes people do drift apart. I mean my best friend become a teacher last year and since hes become one we have drifted apart. Just a lack of time really to communicate.
I guess the reason why she irritates you though is because of the past comment and maybe that did hit you and so eventhough she may not do anything wrong now, things are different, you have both grown, changed and things are not what they were. You probably click with different people now and she isnt quite the friend she was previously.

Re: Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 9:25 pm
by LME79
Ragdoll, you've hit the nail on the head. But my problem is; what do I do? We have mutual friends so we see each other at joint gatherings from time to time but again, I don't have anything to say to her. Nothing that flows naturally, that is. Funny you mention the single part; I mean, we were friends beforehand but we grew closer when we were both unexpectedly single at the same time. We got each other through it and I kind of miss the closeness we had then ... but I just don't feel the same around her anymore. I'm in a long term relationship and she's very happy being single - she's not dating much but she's thrown herself into other projects.

C_F, I didn't react at the time, no. It was over the phone and I knew she wouldn't have meant anything maliciously so I just shrugged it off but feeling slightly hurt. But I know my job isn't superficial so I'm not affected by it - it was literally the only thing I could think of where she'd annoyed me.

Friendships are far more complex than relationships sometimes - at least if you're not happy in a relationship you can break up with the other person!

Re: Friend getting on my nerves for no apparent reason

PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 10:28 pm
by captainf
I guess as you have mutual friends you can all hang out but maybe you can just keep your distance from her as such? If that makes sense.