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My good friend not speaking to me...

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:03 am
by topnotch84
Hi Guys,
I'm a newbie round here and just registered and found this forum really useful reading past posts, hope you can help with my story.
I met a friend at work about a year and a half ago now - a girl - and we clicked completely when we first met, I helped her with her work, her personal life (when she was upset she rang me if she needed me) and she helped me back in return if I needed her messaging her regularly just chatting on text or facebook for example. We even set up our own entertainment business and I sold her some of my stuff for dirt cheap, cheaper than what you'd usually buy in a shop.

We've been through rocky times in our friendship, like at one time I confessed that I liked her more than a friend, but we talked through all of that and forgot about it, last christmas we fell out again but it was because of something stupid but again we said sorry and said to each other 'you're a friend to me' and made up... chatting about it every time and sorting it all out... this time though I think I've ruined our friendship and our business relationship as well...

We went out two weeks ago over the weekend, she got drunk with another male who was with us and she was becoming really close to this male as well holding his hand and slowly cuddling him showing him affection, I could see how flirty she was with him, and when they were both drunk he was close to her as well - she just split from her boyfriend and he is single but much older than what she is. I helped her through the split of her boyfriend, through all the hurt that she was suffering. I thought that something was going to happen on that night with that male... I went home after 1am and text them both the morning after, and both were being sheepish about the events of the previous night? I messaged her on facebook on how I felt, but I also messaged her younger sister - who I was close to as well, and helped her in the past - and mentioned my concern that I thought 'something happened between them' - after those messages they both blocked me on Facebook.

The friend then said I made 'false accusations' and her younger sister said making accusations like this is 'wrong'. When talking to other friends about all the problems they said that I did right by voicing my concern, as you only cared about her and was looking out for her, but part of me feels wrong that I have made these accusations about my friend - some of my other friends saying also that she doesn't care about me at all, to forget about her, and that she's only after me for my money and my kindness, as I am one of those friends who are kind and would do anything for anyone.

The friend in question has text me occasionally but has come across blunt on the text - not saying 'how are you?' and stuff like that, she is going through a stressful time at work and with her ex-boyfriend at the moment as well, so both of us are going through it. I can't stop thinking and worrying about her though, and wondering whether we'd ever become friends again and make up like we've done so many times in the past... Is it true about friends, they have some fall outs then just make things up and become friends again? I don't know whether to text her and say 'fancy meeting up to chat?' or something like that to patch things up, another thing is should I trust her again as I know in the past she's talked about me behind my back to other people, but I can't stop caring about her and thinking 'is she ok?' and now I can't really catchup with her on facebook as she's blocked me on there... will it take time for it to sort out? Like take a break from it all or something? Really appreciate any help on this x

Re: My good friend not speaking to me...

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:43 am
by Bigmama85
I have recently had a similar problem with a close friend of mine. I had feelings for him & in the end they clouded my judgement & made me act in a way I'm not proud of. I think you need to respect her wishes for now. If she doesn't want to talk to you no amount of begging will change that & to be honest you'll end up making things a whole lot worse.

If she wants to forgive you she will but if not then you have to accept that & move on.

I hope this helps a little x

Re: My good friend not speaking to me...

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:55 am
by topnotch84
Thanks so much for the reply, those feelings I had for 'liking' her have well and truely gone, I just want to be a friend to her again, can't stop thinking how she is and stuff, I thought I was in the right by telling her how I saw the situation when we were out that night but I still just feel so guilty for doing it - both her and her sister said to 'keep those thoughts to yourself next time' and left it like that... :-?

She has text me but not chatty, just blunt to the point really not saying 'how are you' - I hope she will forgive me for what I did though, she wouldn't have text me if she didn't want to speak to me right?

They say time is a healer as well? Not sure next week or next month she will forgive or something? Really appreciate your help though x

Re: My good friend not speaking to me...

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 3:43 pm
by Ticktock
I have a friend in your sort of situation, he is friends with a glamorous rather self involved woman who enjoys the attention she gets from him.

He also swears that he is only friends, but in the years he has been friends with this woman he has never had another relationship, probably not a coincidence.

Your mistake of course was telling the sister, you forced her into lying, and probably cast doubt on your assurances you were just a friend, male friends don't get to play pick the boyfriend!

I would start making plans to disengage from the business so a full force fallout doesn't leave you out of pocket, sadly this may be the only reason you are being kept in contact with.

The other thing is to make a full apology to her for being an interfering idiot (even if you don't feel that way) and then concentrate on your other friends and leave her to it. Apart from the glory of her presence you don't appear to be getting a lot out of this friendship and maybe it is time to focus your concern and care on someone who won't get offended and maybe even appreciates it.

Re: My good friend not speaking to me...

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 4:07 pm
by topnotch84
Thanks ticktock for your reply, again much appreciated.

I'm not interested in a relationship with this friend, never really have been at all and was all supportive when she met someone, always said if you need someone to speak to I'm here for you. Yes it was a massive mistake telling her sister about it all, she was keeping things from her older sister as we were both concerned after the breakup with her boyfriend, so always chatted to each other to make sure she was ok. She is coping well now though, apart from this big mistake I've made - I actually felt sorry for her sister telling her all this, as she did say once the older sister forced her to show her our messages - I think I got too involved in it all, and really should have just been a friend to the older sister, and a mentor to her younger sister.

All three of us were close, infact one night talking until 2am at work about life, relationships and families, we bonded together and agreed to make a 'triangle pack' where we would all keep each other in the loop if we had any problems with any of us, we skyped once and had a laugh too, and I regularly talked with the older sister - and a friend. Something which did hurt me though a little was when she said last time we fell out - you were only a good friend, never a best friend to me. :(

I'm going to make a full apology but give it time, as I've already apologised when the event happened. I'd just love to sit down one day and talk about it all, bury the hatchet and draw a line, but I really do appreciate the advice mate x