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Cant be myself

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:49 am
by rebekah
i dunno why, but i cant be myself around all my friends like not even my best friend?
is this down to confidence?
im my complete self when im with my sister and family and cousins and especially my boyfriend but just not around friends?

i have told my best friend and she felt really upset cos she felt she was a really bad friend but i think its down to me?

please help...

Re: Cant be myself

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:27 pm
by ILoveChristmas
Are you concerned that your friends won't like the 'real you'?

There's often a temptation when we're with friends, and particularly when we're young, to be who we think they want us to be. In some cases that might mean we're far more outgoing and always trying to be the life and soul of the party, and other times it might mean we're quieter and more reserved.

Lots of times that stems from a desire to make sure we're liked and makes us conscious of not exposing parts of our personality that we're scared others will disapprove of.

Ultimately, friends are the people who know us best. Especially as we go through our teenage years it's likely that our friends are closer to us than our own family at times because they're going through the same experiences as us at the same time.

With you particularly it could be a self-confidence issue. With your family and your boyfriend you have a certain amount of security that they're not going anywhere. Your friends, while in reality are exactly the same, might feel slightly different because you see them less and witness them forming their own inter-friendships.

Easier said than done, but ultimately I think you need to be yourself and chill out. For your friend to get upset it shows how much you mean to her.

Re: Cant be myself

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:07 pm
by rebekah
i agree that it could be my friends that were not that compatible because there is some random people who i can be my complete self around and be me yet when it comes to these people i think should be really close to, im not! i want to be able to just be me around everybody and not feel uncomfotable or embarrssed if i say something....

i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 1 year and i can by my full self with him and then i compare this to my friends who i have kown for so long like since i was about 7 ?

it doesn't make any sense i feel that there is a group of people i will find evebtually, im jus about to start college and i really feel that there i will find my true self plus people who will accept that?

i like who i am, but i also annoy myself cos i know i can be stubborn angry and my frineds dont know this side to me, where as my family and my boyfriend know me exactyl and i could shout at them in a fight and then sort things out and it would be fine... i have neevr fighted with any of my friends face to face and with my family and boyfriend i can be all moody and dont care?

thanks for helping me :)

Re: Cant be myself

PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:46 pm
by Craig Alexander
They sound like the sort of so-called friends that want you to be who THEY want you to be.

If you feel like that you can't be yourself when you're around your friends, then frankly they are not true friends.

I know it's easier said than done, but it would then be best to make new friends who accept you for who you truly are.

Craig Alexander


Re: Cant be myself

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:21 pm
by elouisa
I'm having the same problem, and I'm 26.

I love my friends, but there are so many differences in personality between us (for example, all my female friends of this group are thinking types, whereas I am a feeling type). They seem to see the world in a different way from me, and although we are very good friends, and have been since we were 16, I don't feel like they know the happy, confident me. They only see the 'want to please' me. During university I met people who I felt more comfortable around, but I also just thought they were kind of boring, and far too career orientated. Needless to say, I still have barely begun my career as I have spent the last four years of my life (following university) trying to become something I'm not. This seems like an incredible waste of time now that I think about it. We have so many shared experiences, but I lack a real understanding from them, and I've completely neglected to include people in my life who think and feel like myself, which had left me deeply unhappy, lonely, and almost to breaking point. They don't understand me, and I haven't even tried to make them because I'm so afraid of their reaction. I don't even know how I would do it. I feel in some ways that we do understand each other, but that it doesn't necessarily make ME happy, and that worries me. I'm about to go away and start university again soon, and I can feel us all drifting apart, which makes me incredibly sad, and so hard to come to terms with, because we've been friends for so long. And I feel entirely responsible because its me doing the 'moving on'. I also feel like I can be 'myself' around my family- and my 'boyfriend'. There seems to be such a stark difference between the people that I am between people. Situations where groups of my friends/family all meet up terrifies me. I can't handle it.

Another part of me thinks, this is just what happens when you're in your twenties, and people move on etc etc. And another part of me thinks, this is your mental illness cropping up. Depression seems to be what defines me in the eyes of my friends. And yet they have helped me so much.
Any comments welcome.