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Tricky Situation

PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:41 pm
by wonderwall
I have this female friend who I kind of fell out with about a year ago she broke up with her boyfriend at the time and I told her I liked her but she ended up getting back with him a few months later and things got akward between us. Her rejection kinda triggered a bout of me becoming depressed something that was coming for more reasons than just that.
I sorted myself out pretty quickly and am in the most positive place I have been in for years.

About 3/4 months back I made up with this friend and we put our differences aside and while we were not as close as once used to be I was just happy that there was no bad blood between us and we gradually improved our friendship.

Cue now and she has broken up with her ex again but she is heartbroken and I have been trying to keep my distance from this situation mindful of what happened before.
But I have noticed that she is drinking a lot, getting with different lads all the time and never really looking happy. I have been in this situation and I am pretty sure she is suffering from a mini bout of depression but what do I do I am the only one of her friends that is seeing this.
Should I ask her to meet up for a coffee and tell her I am worried about her and ask her to talk to someone? I cant just do nothing because some day/night she is just going to breakdown if someone doesn't do something.

I really don't want to get too involved because of what happened before but at the same time I am worried about this girl and would hate to see something bad happen her.

Re: Tricky Situation

PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 8:16 pm
by Ticktock
As you say in that situation you can't do nothing, however, with your previous experience with her there is a significant risk your message will be lost.

Does she know how you were effected after your expression of interest? Even if not does start from that tell her, how you felt, don't link it with her as you say there were other reasons and she doesn't need to be made to feel like a villain, and how it got better. Put it across as you unburdening yourself on her, not you trying to help her. Hopefully it gets through...

You are not neutral in this situation and you have to be careful that your feelings don't make you jump into a repeat of your previous rejection. All you can do is offer advice and hope she takes it.

Re: Tricky Situation

PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:57 pm
by wonderwall
Cheers for the reply ticktock,

She is aware that I was in a bad place last year and I have kept from here any role she played in it as well so as she would not feel guilty.

We have become friendly again in recent months and that friendship has grown in the past couple of weeks however as you mentioned about not letting feelings do what happened last year I am very aware of this and I know I cant let this get in the way at the moment and I trust myself not overstep the mark in that regard.

I think she kind of knows that she isn't in a great place she has let her gaurd down a couple of times and said that she is heartbroken and upset and this is where drinking and going out comes into play its become all too frequent and twice in the last couple of weeks I have had to look after her when she couldn't stand at the end of the night once even cutting open her leg. I also would rather not be the one in the situation having to help her at the end of the night given our history it probably makes me looks as If i still want to get with her but infact its more to do with so called friends who think she is just living life to the full.

I suppose I am just worried that someday it will all come to ahead and she will breakdown badly. I think you are right maybe if I explain how I felt last year and how I went about getting out of that rut maybe she might see some similarities with her situation and hopefully get back on track. Should I maybe try having a chat with some of her closer female friends also?

Re: Tricky Situation

PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:40 am
by Ticktock
I would probably avoid that, they are probably well aware of the history and will make assumptions as to your motives.

Look as it this way, a man you know was attracted to your friend asks you to talk about her behind her back, you could probably time the phone call in seconds and your friend wouldn't be talking to you for a long time.

Encourage her to talk to others about your perceptions of what is happening, her 'friends' are probably having a good laugh with her at the moment but they must recognise the change in personality...