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Feeling betrayed

PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:31 pm
by EPUSA93
I'm a smoker but my parents don't know. I haven't told them because they're the type of parents that would go mad if they found out. I asked my best friend not to tell my parents and now I feel she has betrayed me and I don't know what to do about it. She agreed not to tell them and said, 'If they ask me all I'll say is that I'm not getting involved.' Which is fair enough, I wouldn't want her to lie for me. But, after some rumours going around, my mum asked my friend behind my back, and my so-called friend said that I did! I know it was the right thing to do, and I didn't want her to lie for me but it feels like she sold me out! I would NEVER do that to her! And now, well my parents are going mental but I don't know what to do with our friendship. I still want to be friends with her, but how should I react? I feel like either ignoring her or having a go at her. I feel like it's partly her fault because if she'd just said what she said she was going to say, (what we agreed on) then none of this would have happened and I would have told my parents in my own time instead of having a massive argument. If I confront my friend I know that all she is going to say is that she didn't want to lie, like I said fair enough, but she shouldn't have grassed on me, I feel so betrayed and like I can't trust her now. What should I do about it? Help! :(

Re: Feeling betrayed

PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:36 pm
by Ticktock
Your friend said that if asked their would say they didn't want to be involved, in all honesty what assumption would you expect your parents to make? Did your friend tell you they told your mum, or has your mum worked it out herself, she really doesn't have to be a rocket scientist you know.

You put your friend in an awful situation because you are lying to your parents, you are the poor friend in this not them.

Since we can pretty much assume that you are probably way to young to be smoking how long was your friend meant to keep this secret, one year, two, three... so it was going to come out in the end and probably in a way which was always going to lead to a massive row.

Punish your friend if you want, but don't imagine you are in anyway in the right on this, you should in reality be apologising.

Re: Feeling betrayed

PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:23 pm
by highlandcow
I reckon your mum probably already knew about the smoking, you don't have to be a genius to work out if someone has been smoking.
My brother smokes on and off, and doesn't want our Dad to know, but despite trying every trick in the book to cover it up, you can still smell it off him when he's done. I also used to smoke a few cigars a week myself (years ago!) and ran into the same problems. Nothing masks the smell of cigarette smoke.

Chances are that you're parents knew about it and were concerned for your health, and your friend was in a horrible position, and was probably concerned for you too and with good reason, smoking is a nasty thing to do to yourself (not meaning to be patronising, it's just I have to have the conversation with my brother too :( ).

Don't be too hard on your friend, she hasn't betrayed you on purpose, she wasn't in a nice position keeping your secret and when someone asks you something like that to your face, a lot of people will have spilled the beans. I think my best friend would have said something as well, if she was concerned!

I would apologise to your friend for putting her in an awkward position and maybe take steps to reduce the amount you smoke or try to quit altogether, if you want to of course. Chances are you'll feel better for it as well!