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hen do drama

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:08 pm
by rufio89
A friend of mine is getting married in the summer. It’s someone I used to work with and when she booked her wedding, we were friends but not that close, so I was invited to the reception, but not the wedding. However, over the last 6 months or so since we left work, we’ve got to be quite close friends and she keeps saying she wishes she’d got me to be a bridesmaid, but obviously since the wedding is costing them a fortune already and she wants to keep guests at the wedding itself to a minimum, which is fair enough.
However, now the wedding is approaching, the hen do chats have started. I said I didn’t mind helping to organise it, because Im the only one of the hen-do-goers that knows the chief bridesmaid. BUT, this bridesmaid doesn’t have internet at home and she’s crazy busy at work, so it’s basically all being left up to me. I don’t mind helping out, but I feel like it’s quite a lot to ask of me to organise her hen do when Im not even invited to her wedding.
But even then, I’d get over it if she hadn’t turned into such a control freak about it! Everyday, I get 3 or 4 emails/texts/facebook messages from her asking for updates, what people have said, what’s been booked, who’s going etc. We’re not going until June, so I understand the hurry in booking somewhere so we know it’s secured, but whats the hassle on everything else? She’s also being super negative about everything. She’s sending through new stuff everyday that she doesn’t want to do. The list now includes:
- A spa day
- Anything in fancy dress
- Karaoke
- Drinking Shots
- Strippers
- Hiring anyone for anything
- Being near any men
- Surprises
- Having anyone come to the house who isn’t in the hen-party
- Anything too active
So I’m sort of running out of ideas. The ‘hen-do’ things that jump to mind are either going out drinking (which is a no), pamper-y stuff (which is a no), or activity stuff like go-carting or paintballing or something (which, again, is a no). Does anyone have any ideas?
She’s being such a control freak about the whole thing that it’s making me not even want to go.
The only thing she’s said that she wants to do is go and rent a cottage or a villa in Brighton (why Brighton, I have no idea!) for the weekend, which is fine in theory, but the people going live all over the country so theyre going to have to fork out on petrol, plus all the places I can find that sleep 10(ish) people are about £1000 for the weekend, and people are pretty skint.
I don’t even want to go anymore!!

Re: hen do drama

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:33 pm
by highlandcow
Wow, Rufio I'm not surprised you don't want to go anymore! It is a bit inconsiderate to expect you to organise everything, especially since you don't even get to go to the wedding itself. :evil:

Can none of the other guests help with the organising? Are you close enough to her that you can gently tell her that although you'd love to help, you can't be expected to do everything (after all you do have a life of your own!)

To be honest, I think you could try to organise anything she wants but if she doesn't want to do most of the "traditional" things, it won't be much of a surprise if most people won't be able to make it. Brighton is quite a long way from Nottingham! :o

If all else fails, have a look at this which hopefully has a few ideas.

Re: hen do drama

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:10 pm
by dayle
Wow, I'm impressed you're sticking in there.

I had a similar issue with my hen do. A good friend (like you, I'd got to know her much better since I'd set the wedding date and would have had her as a bridesmaid) offered to organise it and as one bridesmaid had a brand-new baby and the other was getting divorced I was really happy. I didn't set any rules, but my friends were a nightmare. Nothing too heavy drinky / night-clubby, nothing that involved lots of money up front - or too much money at all - no strippers etc etc. She ended up quitting because she couldn't take it any more (quite understand).

Anyway, we went with a grown-up meal at a restuarant followed by a children's-style party, with jelly, cakes, silly games and a pinyata (sp?). Or if it's on the beach can you do something like a night-time seaside picnic?

I would seriously consider telling her how much it's upsetting you. It took ages for my friend to tell me, by which time she was so wound up that she didn't want to even see half my friends at the wedding and I had to rewrite the seating plan.

Re: hen do drama

PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:19 pm
by Bel Bel
Think it sounds like she already knows what she wants
Tell her your concerns and see what she has to say. Or ask he straight out what she wants to do and then tell her you'll organise her idea

Re: hen do drama

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:22 pm
by rufio89
ARGH! We finally got sorted for some stuff to do on the hen do (i think - I'll worry about that closer to the time).

NOW the latest issue is she's got noone to go to her wedding dress fitting with her - Im the only one of her 'good' friends that lives nearby, so I'm taking her. I dont mind doing this in itself, it'll be nice to have a girly day and I'd like to see her dress and stuff, but then it turned out her dress fitting is in Leicester, so I'm having to drive 30 miles EACH WAY to this, and she's just called me saying 'you dont mind picking me up from mine do you'?

I know she's really stressed out with the wedding planning, fiance is not helping so she's doing it all by herself and the last thing I want to do is stress her out even more, but I feel like she's really taking the PEE! I'm feeling really wound up right now and Im probably not actually wanting advice on this I just need to rant!

I wouldnt mind helping so much if I was INVOLVED IN THE BLEEPING WEDDING! argh!!

Re: hen do drama

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:00 pm
by highlandcow
I'm not surprised you're cross, she's got a bit of a cheek really. I hope she's grateful for all you're doing for her and putting in for your petrol! [-X