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Drifting apart

PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:10 pm
by highlandcow
Evening all,

I'm feeling sad. It feels like me and my best pal have been drifting apart. We're still close but just not as much as we used to be.

In my last job, we used to send each other long rambling emails every couple of days detailing every matter of the day, or lives...we would tell each other everything and meet up at the weekends often as well.

Then I lost my job, and got a new one in a much smaller company which I don't want to risk by clogging up the server with huge emails. And she had a baby a year ago and has made the decision to not go back to work. I was even there at the birth (outside the room anyway! :o )

Obviously we've met up loads since the birth of her son (he's my godson) but because we don't talk as much it's harder to arrange meetings. She doesn't live far away, it's just every time we arrange to meet, something comes up, and invariably she will cancel at the last moment. Of course I understand that her son comes first and that with young children and babies something ALWAYS comes up. I get that totally and I've offered to come round and help out or keep her company, but so often nothing comes of it. I let it go all each time as I know it's got to be so hard with a young baby.

It' just this used to happen a lot before his arrival. So often I'd be looking forward to a night out and she will text at the last minute and give some excuse. To be fair, they are probably valid, but it still stings to arrange my whole evening/day around it and then get let down 9 times out of 10.

So it feels like we're not as close as we don't see each other enough. I miss the old days. I know it can never be the same again, because of the baby, but I really miss just dossing about with her, having a glass of wine and a laugh. When she came over last night, we did have a look at some pictures from a couple of years ago, but all it did was make me feel sad at how much has changed.

I miss her. :(

Re: Drifting apart

PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 8:14 pm
by highlandcow
Hmmm...yeah I guess there's no easy answer to this. :cry:

Re: Drifting apart

PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 4:37 pm
by Bel Bel
I did think about replying yesterday but it's so difficult to know what to do
I think it would be worth letting her know you missed the old days but don't be too harsh about it.
It really is hard with a baby about and not only do they get sick etc and muck up your plans but they knacker you out and she probably has good intentions to go out (and probably could do with it but sometimes) you just can't get enough energy together to be bothered and that's no reflection on you.
As the baby gets older it may geta little better.
You could always have a little notebook by your desk and write down all the things you would say to her if you were emailing like before then take it round and show her next time you visit.

Re: Drifting apart

PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:07 pm
by highlandcow
Thanks for your reply Bel Bel. You're right, it is a tough situation and I can't do much to change things.
I know she misses the old days as well, as she called me just yesterday and told me that she had been looking through some old pictures of us, but she was saying that although we've been through so much, we'll always be best friends. I think she was feeling a bit sentimental, and it was sweet to hear.

There's some good suggestions here. But I think the main things I need to do is suck it up. I always knew that things would change when she had the baby, and I was excited to share in the experience (still am), I guess it's just hard adjusting to it in practice. Obviously she's done the most adjusting though and I admit I need to remember that sometimes.

I hope when he gets older, it'll be easier. I'm looking forward to baking cupcakes with him.