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have i been a bad friend?

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:26 pm
by slbx
I really need a second opinon on this situation.... I have been friends with my mate for about four years, and she means a lot to me as she has been though a lot of things with me. A few weeks ago she asked me to go on a date with her and another guy as she was not sure about him. I did not really want to go but as her friend I went. We went to the pub for a drink and it was obvious that he wernt her type but it was a nice evening all the same. Before i left he told me that he thinks im his friends type and asked if he could pass my number onto him, i said it was fine

For the last week my phone kept ringing on a withheld number and iv been ignoring it, then finally i answered it and it was the guy that my friend went on a date with. I asked him if it was his friend that has been trying to call me and he said not excatly. then he went on to tell me he liked me etc and wanted to take me out for a drink. I told him straight NO as she is my best mate and i would never do that to her. He was a bit persistant but i knew nothing was going to happen so again i said NO.

i did not know whether to tell my mate or not.... at first i didnt see the point as i knew that nothing would happen and i knew she would be angry. But i thought about it and told her. She came round for lunch and i told her everything, even the fact that i thought about not telling her. As she was here the phone rang and it was the guy. I didnt answer it and told her hes an idiot and just to leave it. She wanted to answer the phone and have a right go at him but i just wanted to forget about the whole thing, i dont like confrontation. So i decided to give her the number he gave me and if she wanted to she could call him.

She left and soon after sent me a txt asking if i liked him and i said no, and she then said basically said that i must do since i didnt want to answer the phone infornt of her and didnt want to tell her in the first place. I told her if i had anything to hide i would of told her everything and would have taken up the guys offer. She made me feel like i betrayed her in some way but i havnt done anything and i really feel our friendship could be damaged by this. I dont want to loose her friendship but now im angry that she feels iv done something wrong. Have I ? she just seemed so angry Any advice?

Re: have i been a bad friend?

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:24 pm
by RagDoll
I think the nub of the matter is that your friend's ego has been understandably dented. I think she is insulted he obviously took such a shine to you, and not her when they were the ones on the date. However, she can't really take it out on him, so I think unfortunately you're getting the brunt of her paranoia about why she wasn't the one he liked.

My advice would be to just continue to ignore this guy and let things blow over. I don't think your friendship will suffer in the long term, she probably just needs a bit of time (and reassurance that you aren't interested in him) to get over her bruised ego.

Re: have i been a bad friend?

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:23 pm
by snail
I agree - she's understandably upset and jealous and feeling insecure, but although that's unfortunate it isn't your fault. You wouldn't have done anything wrong if you had agreed to date him, as it was over between him and her by then anyway. And you wouldn't have even been on the original date if it wasn't for your concern for her! I expect she'll get over it once her ego recovers, and she realises that you aren't to blame.

Re: have i been a bad friend?

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:35 pm
by Bel Bel
It's just typical the messenger always gets shot.

You were honest and did nothing wrong

I agree with Ragdoll let her lick her wounds and she'll come round. Also if it comes up again point out he is not worth losing a friend over.

Re: have i been a bad friend?

PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:20 pm
by highlandcow
The others are right, you haven't done anything wrong!
Give you friend time, she'll realise that herself.