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Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 5:35 pm
by highlandcow
As a few of you know, I've just split up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years (cue sobs, violins etc). It's left me uncomfortable in the house that we chose and decorated together (we didn't officially live together but he had a lot of input) and created memories in.

My close friend lives alone as of recently and has a space room that he's offered me. He says I'd have free reign of the house and the rent and bills are the same amount as I'm paying in rent alone on my current place. He says it makes sense that I take the room, as I'm not happy living alone and it saves him the bother of advertising and trying find someone that he may not even get on with in the end.

We've known eachother nearly 10 years, he's got a stable job as an accountant and we've never found eachother attractive in "that" way. He's got a rather complicated love life and I'd NEVER want to get involved with him.

He's a good friend, and it seems like a good offer as we do know each other so well but I've never lived with a friend before. I don't want things to go wrong and mess up our friendship over money or who left the cap off the toothpaste or something.

Does anyone have any advice?

Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:33 pm
by Skarlet
As long as you set house rules and get on I don't think you'll have issues. Just needs to be clear from the outset, so are you going to have a kitty for all incidentals (cleaning products, loo roll) are you going to pay him for bills and he sorts them all out.

I have to say I like living with just one guy. And you have a better chance of it working out as you are friends.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 8:20 pm
by snail
I think it's a good idea too. It'll take some adjustment but I think it would be worth it for the benefits. As Skarlet says, set ground rules on bills and housework before you start.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 9:30 am
by rufio89
I think it's a great idea HLC, it'll do you some good to have some company for a while and if youre just renting through him, it shouldnt be too rigid a contract so if it turns out it doesnt work, you can always move again. I much prefer living with men as well, so I wouldnt worry too much about that.

The only things I think you should consider (from my experience):

How tidy is he? Someone much messier OR tidier than you can be very annoying. I've lived with both, my current housemate leaves stuff everywhere and it drives me crazy, but one of my old housemates would be breathing down my neck for not doing my washing up while I was still eating my dinner.

Who pays for stuff like cleaning products/soap/toilet paper etc? I think my housemate thinks this stuff arrives from the magic-cleaning fairies.

Who does the cleaning of the communal areas? I have no objection to doing all this myself so long as my housemate keeps it tidy enough, but that part of the deal seems to have passed him by.

Finally, you say he's got a rather complicated love life. Is that likely to have any impact on you? Is some crazy girl going to turn up in the middle of the night? Are they going to be screaming at each other?

But overall, I think living with someone you get on with is great! I really miss it!!

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:02 pm
by highlandcow
Thanks guys, this is all good advice.

I'm still not sure yet, as it's a bit of a down-size really. I've got so much stuff that I'd have to put into storage, like fridge freezer, couch and all the big things.
And I've never lived with a friend, I'm worried that after being able to do my own thing all the time in my own place, I'll never be able to adjust.

Still, it's company and, let's face it, someone to come home to. Which I really need at the moment. I hate living alone.

I'm going to pop round and see the house in a "I'm planning to live here" way on Monday so hopefully we can iron out some issues then.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:37 am
by rufio89
How did it go last night HLC? What do you reckon?

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 7:25 pm
by highlandcow
It went OK, he briefly showed me round, but I'm not sure. I don't think I'm going to go for it to be honest. The house is nice enough but it's quite a walk from the station and there wasn't any buses nearby. With my bad hip, I don't want to have to walk miles every day.

There just seem to be a lot of reasons why I shouldn't move in there, like having to get rid of a lot of my furniture, and not having my own space. As well as practical issues like the only bathroom being downstairs etc.

When I told my Dad about the amount of rent I'd be paying, he said why pay that much for one room when I could spend a bit more and have my own place. Makes sense really. I viewed another flat yesterday which I really liked. I'm probably going to go for that one.

I've never moved "alone" before, it's always been with a boyfriend that I've lived with, or (like the last time) with someone (my ex) who was helping with a lot of the heavy stuff. It feels very strange to do all of this by myself.

I'm scared. :-?

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 7:36 pm
by Skarlet
Then it makes sense to go for the new place.

Just make sure you have some friends who can come and help you move.

You'll have your own space to put your mark on things, arrange things in your own way, be able to dance around and do what you want to. It will be scary and exciting. *hugs*

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:05 pm
by highlandcow
Thanks Skarlet. It is quite exciting to move in somewhere that has no memories of anyone else. And be able to put things where I want, like you say.
And have a really girlie bedroom. :)

I'll have to rope my friends in to help, of course and get a removal company or all the big things.

Eeek! I'm really scared, but I really need to do this, just to prove I can do things without him.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:15 am
by rufio89
You could always get a 2 bed place and then consider getting someone else to move in to the spare room in the future if you decide you want to try having a housemate. That's what I did. Although in all honesty, I HATE living with him and I want to punch him in the face almost all of the time (even though he's actually a really nice guy, he just winds me up!)

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 4:42 pm
by seahorsesally
I think it will be good for you to do this on your own, a bit like starting a new chapter by yourself. living alone may give you a better insight into the 'real' you (cheesy i know) but like others have said you can put your own stamp on things and have good quality me time. it will also be something productive to put your time and energy into which should help keep you busy. picking up bits n bobs or even browsing through ikea's website will get you excited for the future without dwelling too much on ur ex.

You've said he is a good friend so you should be able to explain to him your reasons without causing offence or anyhing.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 5:46 pm
by highlandcow
Yeah he says he's not going to mind either way, he just wanted to give me first dibs on the place.
I'm glad he's not going to take offence, I'd hate to have to force myself into a situation that I wasn't comfortable with just avoid giving offence.

I emailed the estate agents about the flat I saw on Monday but they came back and told me it had been taken by someone else. But then I got another email yesterday saying that this person had pulled out and was I still interested. So hopefully it will be mine and I will be moving next month.

It's exciting but very sad as well. I knew I wasn't going to stay in the place I am forever, but me and my ex did have some happy memories here. But now all I can think of is that this place is also where everything ended and I know I have to move on.

Re: Living with a friend?

PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:58 pm
by captainf
Good luck for the move. I'm sure it will be very positive for you. :)