Friend making me feel unwanted

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Friend making me feel unwanted

Postby Barr6789 » Mon Dec 10, 2012 3:55 pm

Hi, so I'm new to this forum I've been struggling to cope myself for a while and need people's advice who are out with my circle of friends.

So basically, I have this friend whom I have been friends with since I was 5 years old (I'm now 21). Lets call her Stacey. We were best friends in childhood, drifted apart for a couple of years and started becoming friendly again around 4 years ago. We have been through a lot together and she was always nice and genuine to me. I introduced her to my other best friend (Claire) and the 3 of us became really close really quick. There was no secrets between us 3, no one felt left out and we were all equally nice to each other. However recently my friend Stacey has been making me feel like a piece of rubbish. She and Claire have become more close than I am with either of them. We don't all do things together anymore and I started feeling left out. I spoke with them about this and Stacey just brushes it off all the time. Stacey speaks down to me all the time, she is so nice to Claire and always happy and bubbly yet with me it's like she doesn't make an effort, she doesn't ask how I'm doing, she Never asks me to do anything. Recently I needed a friend and even though Stacey and I have had our difficulties, I went to her, she didn't see the big deal and again just brushed it off, I tried to talk to her about it and she said "just leave it". Once again making me feel absolutely rubbish. I make so much effort with her and get nothing in return. I feel hopeless, I've tried and tried but nothing makes her be nice to me. I've not done anything for her to be like this. I don't know what to do because I just want it all to return to normal but Stacey won't allow it, I've cried, I've spoke with them and I've tried ignoring it and getting past it. Now I've just had enough, if I stop being friends with Stacey that will mean I won't be friends with Claire anymore and they 2 will love that. They are so close with one another it wouldn't really matter if I was out the picture. Can someone advise me on what to do ? I feel like crying all the time, I don't deserve this and have tried everything to fix it. :(
Barr6789
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:56 am
Gender: Female

Re: Friend making me feel unwanted

Postby highlandcow » Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:32 am

Poor you, that's so horrible. I went through this sort of thing myself when I was about 15, and it sucks!

It sounds like you've tried everything though s I'm not sure what to suggest. You say you don't all do things together anymore.....can you suggest things to do to bring you closer again?

Does Claire have any idea what's going on in Stacey's head?
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

- Billy Connolly
User avatar
highlandcow
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:22 pm
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Gender: Female

Re: Friend making me feel unwanted

Postby ILoveChristmas » Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:42 am

It might not be the advice you were hoping for, but unfortunately you can't make people be your friends and ultimately friendships come and friendships fade. Stacey and Claire's actions are their responsibility and you've done what you can by making them aware of how much it hurts you. Beyond that, it's their choice whether they take action and bring you back into the friendship or whether they feel like the friendship has had its day.

I guess the point I'm making is that when 3 people are involved in a group there will always be a tendency for two members of the group to grow slightly closer together. The extent to which it happens varies of course and sometimes groups of three can exist perfectly well but it'll always happen to some extent. In your case it seems like Claire and Stacey feel like they have a lot in common these days, and I guess this is the result. The past few years have been those which have shaped who you are in your adult life and it seems to me like as that's happened Claire and Stacey have grown closer and you've gone in a different direction. It's not a bad thing in itself, it happens and it's natural, but changing friendships is often the result. I don't think there will be many people who reach adulthood with exactly the same group of friends as they had in their school years. I know I don't.

You don't mention in your original post what Claire said when you spoke to her about it. Did you speak to her on her own? What was her feeling?

Ultimately, however hard, you may need to accept that the friendship has run its course and move on. You never know, you may drift apart and grow close again later. If it's happened before it can happen again.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
User avatar
ILoveChristmas
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 676
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: Ayrshire, Scotland.
Gender: Male

Re: Friend making me feel unwanted

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:50 am

I completely agree with ILC.
I too would like to know what Claire has to say?
I think if Stacey is being horrible to you she may well turn that on Claire once you aren't around.
I would concentrate on building friendships away from these two.
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: Friend making me feel unwanted

Postby Barr6789 » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:56 pm

Thankyou all for your advice, it helps a lot!

Claire doesn't really have much to say about it guys, basically the problem is with me and Stacey, as she makes me feel unwanted and like I am no longer her friend. I just can't discuss it with Claire, (despite the fact Claire was my friend first) as she will only stick up for Stacey as they are so close.

I'm going to lay low, Stacey can contact me from now on I am making minimal effort as I feel like a fool being the one trying to keep us friends when maybe she doesn't want that. I will not change how I am to Claire as she hasn't really done anything to deserve it.

I hope in the future I can find a friend who appreciates me as much as I do them, you would have thought that at 21 my friends would be capable of appreciation. Hopefully there's someone out there who is.

Thanks again guys :)
Barr6789
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:56 am
Gender: Female


Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests