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Im in love with a best friend

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2003 4:23 pm
by pd4life2000
Im Paul and i've been mates now for about a year with this girl called Amanda, we work together at a small club. Im 20 and she's 18. I've got closer with her since we first started being mates and we both respect each other greatly and can go out and have fun.

It wasn't until 5 months ago that she split up with her boyfriend after a 2 year relationship and ever since then she hasn't been thriving for another relationship.

I've asked her out about two months ago and she said she wasn't interested, which gutted me but we stayed really close mates and we began to get closer.

Last week we decided to go out for a drink with a few other work mates and we ended up in a pub for most of the night. She was rather drunk and when we were alone at the bar, we were discussing who we think is fit as you do, when she said to me i think youre fit, i've fancied you for ages, i just normally wait for people to make the first move.

Then she said it's up to you about us and then i thought that i was goin out with her. Then we went down town and all the way there she was holdin onto me and askin to hold my hand and in the taxi she kept rubbin my leg with hers. I walked her home and she went in.

Next night at work she didn't seem the same. She told me that she couldn't remember anything from the night before and when i told her about what she said to me, she said thats the last time she was gonna drink vodka.

Im all confused and depressed now because i thought she liked me and now when she's sober she said she didn't. I've had a crush on her since i first met her and now i don't know what to think. If i approach her and ask her again i fear that she might tell me to stop asking and fall out with me again.

What do i do?

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:31 pm
by Andy
havin been in this situation before all i will say is make sure it will work, i had a best mate, which turned into more than just friends at first we were both over the moon wiv each other but things change and she wanted things back as they were, were still friends but it will neva be the same


Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2003 8:41 am
by briz babe
Think to your self do you want to lose her friendship all togther It may sound good a first but nothing lasts forever best of luckxx Make sure your doing the right thing before you rush in to it. xxx

Im here if you wanna talk xx

Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2003 4:34 pm
by madbird
I know exactly how you're feeling, i feel the same way about my friend and he's always giving me mixed signals and it sounds to me that's exactly what you're getting. You'll either have to put up with things the way they are and see what happens, or decide if you can cope with just being friends, if it's all or nothing for you then maybe you should lay things on the line, tell her how you really feel and you're sick of being messed around. I know how hard it is so good luck.

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2003 8:05 pm
by saz
Have been in similar situation. My first boyfriend (from age 13!) became my best mate but over the years the problem was whenever we got drunk we would sleep together. We tried to stay mates but at one point he wanted to go out with me and i didn't. I really hurt his feelings and then realised a couple of years later that i did want him, when he didn't want me anymore and he went off to uni. We now dont really speak which guts me.

All of the mucking about is not good at all. You need to be honest and open. If she doesnt want a relationship with you now, that doesn't mean she wont in the future. Your best bet is to stay friends until you both feel ready. If it is meant to be then it will be. I can bet you that she really likes you but doesn't want it to be a one night stand and is making sure that she is doing the right thing. She has only just come out of a long term relationship and probably feels torn between her feelings for you and the need to be single for a while. Dont put your life on hold for her but make it clear that you are ready when she is!


Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2003 3:16 pm
by madbird
Thanks saz, i know this isn't my post but believe it or not you have just comforted me a great deal. It is a similar situation for me with my friend I was talking about, but the other way round - i want to go out with him but he's give reasons why it wouldn't work at the moment. He's going to uni soon and last night it all came to a head, i was really upset with him because i feel like he's not bothered about me, and he couldn't understand why i get so upset because we are still friends, he doesn't realise how much i feel for him - he said if i wanted us to fall out that was fine with him. In the end I came to my senses and said that I didn't and i was always there for him if he needed me. I'm glad i did now i think i've done the right thing.

Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2003 9:32 pm
by saz
Madbird i think you have done the right thing. The reason my friend wouldn't go out with me is because he didn't want a serious long distance relationship at the age of 19/20. We knew that neither of us would be faithful and it would be too hard. Also our friendship would be over if it all went wrong. I really respect him for trying not to hurt my feelings.

I wrote a text to him tonight believe it or not, and deleted it never sent. I am still missing his friendship badly. He came to see my baby a few months ago and i just looked at him and wanted to cry. He is everything i ever wanted in a man, caring, loving, good fun but he is not for me. He loves the good life and i would tie him down too much. Believe it or not, i love him too much to ruin his life because it would.

If it is meant to be then it will be. I really believe in that.