What do i do?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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What do i do?

Postby PriscillaP » Fri Aug 01, 2014 5:22 pm

Hi really looking for impartial advice. My friend and i have been friends since school so we are talking 17 year friendship which is currently hanging by a thread. A bit of background-my friend has always been guy daft but unfortunately liking generally daft guys! she always put them first. Lasst year we had our biggest fall out to date as she did something pretty bad for a friend to do (which id rather not discuss but i suppose is part of this) . Eventually i accepted an apology let her back in which everyone called me a mug for. During this time she became friendly with another girl who she introduced me to on a night out. After a few too many we were having a conversation and out of nowhere this girl started becoming aggressive towards me and in the middle of the pub brought up the fight me and my friend had calling me the bad one (in no world was i in the wrong for what she did!)) my friend basically made herself out to be the victim as far as im concerned even though she denied it. whilst im annoyed she still takes to do with this other girl because of the way she spoke to me i let it go even after my friend phoned me up twice in recent weeks talking about how bad this girl is when drunk. Recently she started seeing this guy who i thinnk is a complete loser but i was nice when i met him. He doesnt like me either however two weeks ago online, unprovoked he called me an ar*****e on a social media site. Guess who liked the comment? the drunk friend. To say i was annoyed was a understatement. We are both turning 30 this year and this weekend is her day out to which after this i said i was not going. She phoned me saying she wasnt doing anything without me being there and that neither of them would be there cause they were in the wrong etc. Today this drunk friend msgs me (no apology) to say can i help talk my friend round because shes cancelling tomorrow ccause of the situation etc like shes the dutiful friend and im the bad one again!

I just feel at a loss what to do. Nothing has changed with her playing people off one another, not ever putting me first making herself out to be the victim. I know some of you wil read this and probably think its my fault with the fact thats two people in her life that ive had run ins with but genuinely in neither situation was i to blame. There used to be a group of 4 of us and because of the things she has done over the years the other two who im still friends with take nothing to do with her now. I just dont fancy sitting with people who have been so rude to me and im so angry my friend seems to have stirred this all up. Her family are going (its only a small gathering for a meal) and i dont feel the atmosphere which inevitably there will be is fair on them.
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Re: What do i do?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Fri Aug 01, 2014 7:18 pm

Based on what you've told us I don't think you should be spending any time in the company of either your friend's boyfriend or the drunk friend, it's a recipe for disaster, especially if there's going to be drink involved. Plus, why should you spend any time in the company of two people who treat you the way they have.

I suggest talking to your friend and telling her why you don't want to be involved so she's clear on your reasons, but stressing that you want to spend time with her either alone or with another group. She may be more understanding if you explain clearly what's gone on and make sure she realises it's not a snub against her. Maybe you two could arrange your own night out soon?
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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Re: What do i do?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:03 pm

This new friend took your friends side of the story and choose to believe her without checking what you had to say. It was none of her business anyway.
You say the old friend did something very bad and you forgave her.
How many times are you going to put yourself in these bad situations. You don't have to stay friends with someone because you have been friends a long time
This is a toxic mix of people and i agree with ILC can only end in disaster
It isn't your place to persuade your old friend so this new friend gets a day out especially after the way she has treated you
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