Friend too involved.

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Friend too involved.

Postby X_Smiler_X » Thu Oct 16, 2003 6:22 pm

My best friend, we'll call her Jade, is driving me up the wall.
She's been with her boyfriend Mark for a year now, and they love eachother to pieces. The only thing that is bothering me is the fact she never has time for me or any other friends.
We get Friday's off College, but she will go in, just to sit around and wait for her boyfriend to come out of lesson, and she will ask me to go in with her, so she's not bored while she's waiting for him.

This really gets to me, as it feels like she is using me for alot of things. This includes ciggeretes..I know they aren't something to get upset over, but she will smoke half the packet of my ciggeretes, and leave a few for me...she has never bought a packet for herself, she just expects everyone else to provide them for her.

I'm just a bit hacked off with her, I love her to bits, but she's trying my patience now. I feel like a spare part to be honest.
Any advice? xx
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Postby Llisa » Fri Oct 17, 2003 4:39 am

Feeling like a third wheel is never any fun. Especially when you're a being used.
You need to be blunt with her. If she asks for a cigarette, say, "No, I'm sorry, but I can't afford to be handing out my cigarettes right now." or something to that affect.
You also have to tell her how you feel about the whole boyfriend situation. She may not even realize what she's doing. My boyfriends never lived close to me at all, but whenever one would visit me, I would completely cut myself off from my friends. It wasn't until my best friend told me what I was doing did I realize...and I worked harder to not let that happen. So, just let her know how you feel, but make sure she realizes that you still love her and want to keep being her friend!
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Fri Oct 17, 2003 2:16 pm

Thanks for your advice Llisa.
It's all easy saying that, but she is quite a stroppy girl - you have to be so careful what you say to her. I feel I have to constantly be nice to her to keep her happy.
Dont get me wrong, I dont mind handing out my ciggies to her, but if she's smoking more of the packet than I am, the cost comes to quite alot.

I will try and talk to her, but I know her response is going to be bad.

K xx
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WELL

Postby kinky_kylie_aka_babes » Tue Oct 28, 2003 6:58 pm

hiya,
your friend is really takin u for a ride i hate to be the one to break the news to you but she is usin you and i bet u when her bf is off doin something without her then she asks u too come out and hang with her thats mates for u. You should just get a bf and tell her your busy all the time when she asks u to go out with her.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:00 pm

I dont really want to lower myself to her level if you know what I mean - I like to be a good friend to everyone, and make time for each of them.

Trust me, I have gone down that road - Told her I'm busy, Made excuses up...but she always clicks on.
And when I ask her why she never has time for me or any of her other friends, she goes off on one.

And yes, Kylie, you are right - she does ask me to come out with her when her boyfriend isn't around.
But I'm not silly, I see what game she is playing.

xx
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Postby Mr.L » Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:30 pm

They are in love, make sure nothing that you say effects how she acts towards him.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:34 pm

I know, but aren't friends more important when your young? She's only 17. xx
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Postby Llisa » Thu Oct 30, 2003 12:30 am

People sometimes have their priorities in a different order then others. While most people may think that friends is more important at your age...some people are wanting to find their partner for life.
Two friends of mine who are both married completely turned off their friends when they started dating their now-husbands. It is really sad, because some people don't realize that you STILL need friends...even if you do have a significant other. Those two friends of mine, even though I've remain true, have lost a great deal of respect and friendship from numerous people and are feeling the affects of it now.
Just let her know that you're there for her, but don't let her use you. You can't change the way she acts, but you change how you act around her.
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Postby saz » Thu Oct 30, 2003 9:11 am

Hi Smiler!

My mates have done this to me loads of times but i have actually done it to them too. I had a really possesive boyfriend who didnt like me seeing my mates and i was only 15/16 and i did what he said. It took me a while to get friends with them again after i finished with him.

One of my friends used to do this to me a lot and i got really fed up with her. I know she can be stroppy but what i did was tell her how much it upset me. I didn't shout or get angry i got upset and told her i didn't want to lose her.

Your friend sounds like she is getting best of both worlds at the moment, you are like a standby friend when the bf isnt around. You dont have to be horrible but whenever she wants to see you when he isn't about, tell her you are doing something else and if she gets stroppy about it just dont rise to the bait and get in a row about it.

I would start seeing other friends, she might then realise what she is missing out on if you lot are having fun without her!!
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Thu Oct 30, 2003 10:24 am

Thank you, very good advice there. I'm just worried about her in a way - if anything was to happen between them two, she wont have nobody to fall back on - I'm always there for her, but it comes to a certain extent where you feel used and can't be bothered.
Thanks again xxx
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well then

Postby kinky_kylie_aka_babes » Thu Oct 30, 2003 10:03 pm

well then if u know wat game she is playin then confront her thats wat i did with my mate and she actually took it better than i thought she apologised and that was it we really dont bother ive moved on and shes moved on to a new bloke but believe me when she broke up with her man that was it she missed me like mad so i think ull mate will do that to.
good luck remember the good people always win and the bad come back groveling.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Sat Nov 01, 2003 3:42 pm

Yeah I know, I have told her that and she can't see she's doing anything wrong, thats why it's so hard. And when she asks me to go see her I dont because I feel as though she's using me for when her other half isn't around.
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