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Friend and money

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:02 pm
by Brainfizz
I met a new person a few months ago, she is lovely and always encourages me and builds
My confidence and is friendly to my children, she offers to help too.
The only thing that seems weird is her and money; when we first met we went to get coffee, she said she didn't have any money to go but I said I'd pay, then I ended up paying a few times and bought her lunch a few times.
Then we went out to the pubs one night and I paid for that too, she offered to give me some money back when I said I was worried about how much I spent but when I said just give me what you can she said ok and never gave me anything.
Also we went out the other night and she literally didn't pay for any drinks the whole night, she only drunk soft drinks but she didn't even offer and asked for a drink when one of us was paying for a round :-/

What should I do? She's asked me to buy her something and then pay me back at the end of the month but I'm not going to because I can't afford to keep doing this.

Why do you think she does this? what should I do other than not pay for things anymore?
My husband says everyone has something 'wrong' about them and she's a good friend to me so I should just let it go, what do you think?
I don't particularly want to lose a friend over money but want to know if someone's just taking the pee

Re: Friend and money

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:34 pm
by Brainfizz

Re: Friend and money

PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2016 1:42 am
by Minna
Hi there,

I've just found your message, so I'm sorry to be a late replier.

When I read your message, I was immediately reminded of a work colleague from a while back. She was just like your would-be friend - a very friendly, chatty, person, full of compliments, always a big smile on her face for everyone and I believe that she did enjoy being with people but, importantly, she was also what you would call a "user".

In other words, she would think nothing of, for example, asking a favour from someone even though she must have realised that she would be putting them at an inconvenience if they agreed. She just relied on the "niceness" of people, who found it very difficult to refuse such a charming lady.

I think your "friend" is the same. She is a "user" and has latched on to the fact that you are a nice person and, whereas most people would feel embarrassed by continually not paying their way, she either won't, or can't, see there is a problem.

You ask whether she is taking the p**. I think she is.

It's almost like she has been "testing the water" during the "coffee, meal" situations and has come to believe that you are a push-over, so now she is "uping the anti" with the purchase request.

Unfortunately, this woman will never change because she has no shame about the way she uses people. She only thinks of herself and getting what she wants.

A nice person like you doesn't need her - let her go.

Re: Friend and money

PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2016 12:28 pm
by Mrconfused74
Instead of going out for coffee, why not invite her over to yours? Or instead of going out for drinks, have friends over and ask them to bring a bottle. Whilst it's great to go out socialising, clearly in this case it's not.
Then if she says why don't we go out for coffee, just say, you can't afford it, or you have to wait in for a delivery. If she is using you and you stop paying for things she will soon latch onto someone else. We often have people come into our lives that make us feel better, but there is a underlying reason they do. Be it to get people to buy things, or to make them feel good about themselves by complimenting them or just to help them with a problem they have. These people eventually move on. But if you don't want to just say it too her, then you need to try something else.

Re: Friend and money

PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2017 3:29 pm
by stephie2
I would actually say something to her. Just tell her that you don't mind occasionally buying her a drink but you cannot afford to be the only one that is paying when you go out. If she doesn't change things then let her go as she is not a friend.