Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

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Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

Postby Sunshinesun82 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 4:43 pm

So I have a really close guy friend whose parents are here from abroad to visit him for two weeks. He asked me if I wanted to meet his parents. Well, his parents are here he told them that I am going to join them for a day trip next week. The thing is.... a lot of people assume that we are going out or like each other because we are so close. Apparently, guys and girls can't be friends. I am trying to see him as a brother that I never had, but it's been hard! We spoke 2 times about my feelings towards him but he responds saying that he is under depression and not ready now to start a relationship with anyone, it wouldn't work, but he never said I don't see you as a partner in the future, in fact a couple of times he did said how "deep" our friendship and the best couples usually come from best friends.... that he never had this with anyone in his life....
I am really puzzled because I really like him but assumed that when I declared my feelings (2 times) he would either take the next step or make very clear to me that he likes me just as a friend! He is a 42 yo adult, he shouldn't be playing with my feelings! He is a really nice person that I don't want out of my life, but I am struggling to move on with my personal life because I am in love with him and hopefully that he is also in love with me but taking his time due to his depression.
There are so many times when I think there's more than friendship from his side because of the way he acts towards me.
SO my question is -- do guys usually introduce a friend that is a girl to meet his parents and have an official trip with them?? Is this normal? I so not sure if it's no big deal but at the same time, I feel like it is because from what he has told me, he has never introduced a girl to his parents before. I'm kind of confused as to how he thinks of me enough to introduce me to his parents. I might be overthinking this, but I'm a woman so that's natural haha.
Any comments about his feelings towards me are very welcome!
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Re: Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

Postby David020549 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 7:14 pm

He is 42 I guess you are quite a lot younger, you seem to imply that it is a purely platonic relationship. If that is all you want out of life and see the future in that way there is no reason not to meet his parents, but if you are hoping to fall in love, have a relationship and have children I don't think he is a good prospect.

I don't think he is playing with your feelings, just enjoying your company without any commitment, but having a friend of the opposite sex is always going to cause jealousy with a boyfriend or husband and should be avoided if you want a quiet life. You need to decide how you see your future, do not let his depression influence that, he may be a nice guy but he won't commit and in ten years time that may not change.
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Re: Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

Postby Sunshinesun82 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 7:39 pm

Hi David,
Thank you for that.
I am 35, married for 10 years, divorced, had a couple of relationships after that including a very painful breakup. I want more, a family, love, etc.
What is going on is very complex ,
Please have a look at the thread I posted here https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthr ... 680&page=2
and please PLEASE share you thought,
I would really appreciate if you do.
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Re: Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

Postby reckoner » Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:57 pm

Hi Sunshine,

Just read through the posts on your link. Quite a lot there, so please forgive me if I've got my facts wrong.

Do I understand correctly that this friend is someone you met 7 months ago online? If so, I agree with one of the other posters that this is not really a friendship, because you want more than he does, nor is it any other form of relationship because he is refusing it. So you are friends for no better reason than you're not anything else.

If this were a person you'd known for years and part of a shared social circle, I'd accept that he were a genuine friend. But this sounds more like a stranger about whom you have learnt a lot about who is getting more out of this situation than you, being more satisfied with it than you. I'm not saying that he's doing this maliciously, just, in the words of one of the other posters, it is what it is, which isn't much, in my eyes, frankly.

If this had the potential of being a proper, loving relationship, you'd hope and reasonably expect this bit, the start, to be the fun bit, but it doesn't sound like any fun, even if it's deep, and the power balance between you is way off. I'm sure his depression has a lot to do with it, which is obviously not his fault, but continue further and, again as was already suggested, you'll end up playing a supporting role to someone else's lead in your own life.

I think he suggested you meet his folks to show a commitment of sorts to you, and I'm sure he has discussed you with them, but I doubt too much thought has gone into it beyond that so I don't think you should read too much into it.

Unless he says he wants to be with you because he loves you, I'm afraid he just doesn't.
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Re: Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

Postby David020549 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 7:07 am

Hi again I've read the first couple of pages of the link you sent and it fills in a lot of background. His depression sounds very deep seated and sounds work related rather than relationship issues, does he love you?, probably, is he " in love"?, no. I don't think he is playing with your feelings deliberately although your company is obviously helping him feel less depressed.

It is very clear you are head over heels in love with him and your goal is a family life, you need to resolve this friendship one way or the other before you are emotionally free to move on. In none of the posts is sex mentioned, it would be normal for an adult couple to be making love after a month or two, yet you are thinking of him as a brother and that is not good. Most women would want to progress to a proper relationship, faced with a reluctant man they would cuddle up close, kiss passionately and try to initiate sex themselves, if that was rejected they would loose interest quickly.

Back to your original post, should you meet his parents. Yes, if only to decide that there is no future together and it may help you understand him better, don't worry about being just friends, his mother will see it in your eyes that you are in love whatever he says. Mothers love to talk about their children a discrete chat with her will be a big help in making your choice


Best of luck
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