University

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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University

Postby ChickenLicken » Mon Dec 29, 2003 1:10 am

Hi, I'm new to the site and hope its still OK to start a new topic. I've just been feeling down for about a month now and wondered if anyone had any advice.

The thing is, I started uni in september somewhere 3 hours away from home - it was a huge step and to be honest, I was really nervous, but I've never had a problem making friends and as I was in halls, thought it'd be fun. But when I got there, the corridor I was on was a lot bigger than I thought, meaning people grouped off really quickly, and I made friends with these three girls. For the first few weeks this was brilliant and I had a great time, but then a month before xmas it all went wrong. Two of the girls dropped out, meaning there was just me and my other mate. The thing is, she goes home every weekend to see her boyfriend and I've started to feel really lonely.

I've always had a big group of mates and I can't get used to just having one - it means I'm on my own a lot. I don't have the confidence to go out on my own, so when she's not in I spend a lot of time in my room on my own watching TV. The rest of the corridor are friendly enough but have become very close already and never ask me to go out with them, plus I sometimes hear them talking about me, saying I'm a loner. I've never had this problem before and its making me really miserable, I am dreading going back after xmas. I know my mate won't be back until two weeks after I will and I can't stand the thought of two weeks sitting in on my own. I just wondered if anyone had been in the same situation, or had any advice? Thanks
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Postby saz » Mon Dec 29, 2003 8:33 am

Hi chickenlicken I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling lately. This sort of situation isn't very nice and other people should be more understanding instead of talking about you behind your back.

I was going to suggest braving it and heading straight up to some of them starting up a conversation but if you feel they are being nasty to you, you may well not feel like doing this. If they are friendly and approachable then maybe you could just go along and sit with them for a while, get into a conversation about something let them know you want to be friends. They might be thinking that you dont like them!

Going to uni is a very big step and you should be proud of yourself but if you aren't happy then there is the worry that your work will suffer, which would be an awful shame.

Like you have said, everyone grouped off very quickly because they didn't want to be left out and you will find in time that these groups shift around as people realise they dont have much in common. When you start uni the one thing in common is not knowing anyone and making friends. I can guarrantee that there will be a few other people feeling lonely too, maybe the people you dont see when you are with your other friend, so try looking for them, start a conversation and take things from there. Not everyone else will be coming back at the same time.

Going along to some groups is a good way to meet others i am sure your uni have lots of different meetings for things, pick one that you might enjoy and go along. Dont worry about what others might think of you for going you might be surprised and enjoy something and meet loads of other people! Good luck.
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Postby ChickenLicken » Mon Dec 29, 2003 7:32 pm

Thanks, I know the only thing I can do really is just be brave and start talking to people. It just really helped getting it out in the open, its been a nightmare bottling it up. I do have mates on my course who live in the city itself and hopefully I can stay with them when I go back - it just surprised me how quickly people grouped off! It might be good to join a group or something, maybe a society, just for those extra people to go out with. Thanks again!
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Postby Enigma » Tue Dec 30, 2003 12:27 am

A good starting point would be the university itself, as they usually have a variety of societies and associations for you to join and participate in. There's a related topic here you might want to read through: University Blues.
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Postby umistgirl » Tue Jan 06, 2004 2:38 pm

Chicken (lol what a great name!) I'm a 2nd year at Uni and although i didnt quite have the same problem as you (i got put in a hall with 5 people per flat in my first year)- i totally understand what you are going through...

I have moved back into halls this year and got put with 4 other foreign students, and for whatever reasons they do not speak to each other or me and never ever socialise. I don't even know theyre names!!!! I have shed some tears over this situation but i worked it out. luckily (or unfortuately, whichever you think) i have a part time job so am hardly ever in my flat and have made friends from last year.

What i would suggest to you is, and it will sound corny and tired, but join a society- there are TRILLIONS at uni and even now you can still make friends there. I joined ANOTHER UNIVERSITIES horse riding one in January last year and i thought i'd never make any friends as they all go to this different uni , and will all have grouped off...i was sooooooooooooooooo wrong.

Your flat is somewhere you lay your head at night...there are so many things to be out doing in the daytime and the evening that you need not be best buds with your flatmates. University is full of people- and i bet you'd be viewed as 'the cool one' in your flat if you were always out doing different stuff with different people...where as they sit in the common room everynight huddled together in their little gangs.... You'd lead a much more interestng life etc etc not to mention the stuff societies do for your CV. It takes bravery at first to walk into a room full of strangers but it will only be awkward for 2 weeks maximum and then you will be waltzing in without a care in the world!

Hope this helps

Tracey x
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Postby ChickenLicken » Tue Jan 06, 2004 10:39 pm

I've been thinking of getting a part time job cause you're right - I'm good friends with a lot of the girls on my course but they either live at home or in different flats, so after dark I don't get to see much of them. Just out of interest, what would you recommend as a job - I dont have a big workload and get a four day weekend so I have plenty of time, but don't really know what to go for! Any ideas?!
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Postby saz » Wed Jan 07, 2004 7:14 am

Good for you on getting a job it is a good idea. You are right to do something that doesn't take up too much time but earns you extra cash and a few mates at the same time! I used to really enjoy working a few hours in a bakers shop when i was 6th form, after school and on saturdays.

Local supermarkets or shops are good ones, they often do shift work but dont feel pressured to take on lots of work. Hospitals are always looking for cleaners, clerical staff, filing clerks etc look in the local paper every week or call the personel dept. Look in the paper for jobs or ask about see what is going around, cafes and bars are also always looking for staff. I am sure at your uni there is a job's board somewhere seek it out and get ringing around.
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