they all get shocked

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they all get shocked

Postby froo » Fri Jan 09, 2004 8:55 pm

hi people

i'm new on here, so i'd like to say hello!

also i have a slight problem, it doesnt sound very major but it's bothering me a bit. 1'm 19 now and 2 yrs ago i went out with this guy wo was 35. he worked with me and i'd known him for about a yr before we got together. we were together for about 5 months and he was my first serious boyfriend, it broke up when i went to uni but we still keep in touch and see each other when i'm home from uni.
my mates at home are totallly cool with it but when i casually mentioned it to my uni mates, they were really quite shocked, one of the girls i live with said i should have reported him. why do they feel like this? it suprised me because i didn't think i'd done anything wrong, but now it's made me almost dirty and ashamned of it. they don't really speak about it anymore, oly in passing, but i hate the thought that they might be talking about us and disapproving.

what can i say to them?

thanx for listening guys xx
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Postby smile » Fri Jan 09, 2004 9:04 pm

Hi froo and welcome to!

I think you need to have a talk with your friends from uni and explain to them how you feel and ask them to tell you their thoughts about your relationship. It may be because the age gap is so large and they haven't experienced a relationship with someone who is much older than them. I do think though that the best thing you can do is talk to them

Good luck!
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Postby froo » Fri Jan 09, 2004 9:12 pm

thanx smile.

i realise it's difficult for them to relate to it, but i don't know why it's any of their business. i'm not even with him anymore. i made the mistake of telling one of them that he wanted me to have a baby with him instead of going to uni, and she was really shocked. but she still brings it up in front of people that don't know, even though obviously we didn't have a baby and i'm not even with him anymore. i've tried explaining to her that she shouldn't tell anyone my private business, but she just laughs and says that i should have thought of that before i do "weird things" like go out with an older guy. i know she's led a sheltered life before coming to uni but i don't see should embarrass me like that?
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Jan 10, 2004 12:08 am

Hi Froo,
Even though you no longer are with this man you have done nothing to be ashamed of. When 2 people click that is all that matters, there are so many people going through heartbreak because partners are thought of as going against the norm.
16 years is nothing these days as we all live in a certain `pop culture`, where the age gap has become a thing of the past.
If you love someone age does not come into it.
Never be ashamed as life is a series of choices......and at the end of the day its your choice and not your friends.
Take care.
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Postby depman » Sat Jan 10, 2004 1:40 am

You did nothing at all wrong so dont worry
Age difference is not an issue only to those who are ignorant
You dont have to go out with someone who is exactly the same age as you
The older guy for a woman most of the time works as they know how to treat a woman
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Postby saz » Sun Jan 11, 2004 7:49 pm

Everyone has different views of right and wrong - this girl obviously was brought up to think that this situation is wrong. Some people seem to think that young adults cant made decisions about relationships and are 'forced' into something they dont want to do, which you know isn't true!

There is such bad press about older men and younger women, sleazy tabloid stories or just like your situation, the totally wrong end of the story about what really happened. You notice you dont hear much about older women and younger men do you? And no one says the same for young men as they do women in these situations?

You know the truth and what happened and shouldn't be ashamed of anything you have done no wrong. Leave this girl to believe what she wants as the more your protest it seems the more she keeps things going. Try and forget about it it is her problem now and i am sure most people she tells dont care in the slightest! She is either jealous or genuinely naive due to her sheltered life.

I went to a school with girls who were sheltered it was awful sometimes. I would tell them about my life outside school - the council estate girl lol and they would be horrified. I just let it go over my head and those girls are the ones who went off the rails once they got let loose, and made all sorts of mistakes of their own.
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Postby Gipsy » Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:06 am

I don't think you did anything wrong, its just a bit out of the ordinary to date someone that much older than you. One of my mates dated someone who had recently become a grand father! but we didn't do anything other than support her. I think you should explain to your friends that you felt deeply for this person, if they are to shallow to see this then they can't really be friends.

I hope this helps just remember you have nothing to be ashamed of if you were over the leagal age limit for everything you did with him then he had no need to be reported.
My feelings never show anymore because I don't want them to. Every smile is a lie, every laugh is a fake, all because I am crying inside and don't want my tears to show
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