She's going to get married and has just had a baby to a 46yr

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

She's going to get married and has just had a baby to a 46yr

Postby Tinker » Fri Jan 16, 2004 12:06 pm

My best friend of all my life is just about to ruin hers or i suppose she has done already...

Well me and my mate have lived four doors away from each other all our lives, weve spent everyday of our lves together on holidays, with our horses, shopping, well everything.. even at school no one ever said wheres *** it was wheres *** and ****.

We even look alike, are the same height, weight, everything, that sometimes teachers got us confused and many peolpe thought we were sisters.
I treat her mum and dad like i treat mine and vice versa.

Anyway...

I went to college and **** went to work at a riding stables, she has never been intrested in men unlike me!
But one day i found out she was going out with a 46 yr old man and she was 18... also we knew the man and his wife well! through the horses.

to cut it short the relationship grew and he left his wife and bought a flat and she started to act strange because she was ashamed of the age difference, she didnt even tell me or her family till a few months ago.

also an important part of it is his wife couldnt have children the had spent £ on trying, and he is a manger so is quite well off.

People found out through gossip that she was with him her dad disowned her and many of her (few) friends. Also people said he will get her pregnant...

**** always said she would never get married to him Ever

Last year she got pregant and now that babys here, (bless her) and on xmas day he asked **** to marry him, she said ill wear the ring for a bit and think about it.(so she hasn't actualy said YES)

:-?

Well i feel that my best friend is ruining her life..
shes now 19, has a baby and i think is going to get married!!
OK there finacialy stable and he is a nice man, but the age gap.. can he really love her ( he is the same age as her mum) or has he used her as an incubator, cos' his clock was ticking away.

She has no life, no friends apart from me, sits in the house all day and well has lost her freedom. And thats not like her naturally she is cocky, gobby, very loud, fun, bubbly, a good laugh, and now she not.
Ive lost my friend.... to an old man.

i dont want this to sound like i resent him cos i do like him but cant he see what he's doing to her.
She never spends time with people her own age, over xmas period they spent it with his aunty (how old will she be)

IS IT ME OR IS SHE DOOMED..... I want to tell her but now theres a baby involved ( and i know she would snap at me!!)
Tinker
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 10:15 am
Location: s.yorkshire

Postby saz » Fri Jan 16, 2004 1:09 pm

I know you dont want to resent him... but you do. I know you and your friend are similar in some ways but she has chosen to go down this road - it is her choice as an adult and all you can do is support her.

I know you have lots going round in your mind about why they are really together but do you think that they could actually really love each other? I know there is a big age gap but there is obviously love between them and they seem to make things work.

Both of them have turned their whole lives upside down to be together. You have 'lost' your friend to motherhood rather than a man, because most of these changes are probably down to that. She wont always feel like going out, getting dressed up or being gobby she is a mother now and wants to do the right thing by her baby. You shouldn't think of it as losing her though she is still the same person just maybe a bit more grown up than people want her to be.

Be there for her if she does want to talk. It might be that things wont last and she will need you for support but if they do, you should just be the best friend you can be. It is so hard to watch people doing what you see as wrong but she is an independent adult free to make her own choices. She might not always agree with things you do. If she didn't want to do things then she wouldn't do them, but because people have reacted like they have she is distancing herself from them - which is not a good thing. If her family and friends make her feel isolated then she will go further into his family and their lives - because they make her feel welcome.

She is young to be a mum but that doesn't mean she wont be a good one. She might be feeling a bit low if she doesn't go out a lot, so try and get her out and about meeting other parents, going to groups and meeting old friends. When you are a mum life doesn't have to stop completely! She might need a bit of cheering up and keep telling her she is wrong is going to make her feel worse.

Good luck i hope things work out.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
saz
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2109
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2003 7:23 pm
Location: Essex

Postby Fidel » Fri Jan 16, 2004 1:49 pm

sounds like she's in it for the money if you ask me.
It's up to her who she's marries and it's not your problem you can only be supportive. She is a young mum ok. But many people cope with having children young if they are in a stable financial situaution
Things are going well for her in her eyes you mustn't sstop her.

Fidel
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
User avatar
Fidel
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2014
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:12 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male

Postby sovs » Fri Jan 16, 2004 3:07 pm

Why do men always think its for money :roll:

Anyway i really dont see a problem except for a dad being unkind.
There is nothing wrong with this relationship at all.
Before i met my partner i went out a lot with my friend and had a good time but when i met stew (who's 12 years older) and fell pregnant i stopped going out so much.
My friend being the type of girl she was got annoyed, she thinks its easy to get a baby up washed and dressed and can meet her in all of half an hour! I think not. More like in half a day, hehe.
Anyway, when you have kids life is more based on them not friends.
Your friend maybe unsure as this is how all of you have made her feel. When i met stew my elder brother didnt like it as they were the same age and disowned me. So i let him get on with it and havent spoken to him for over four years now.

If you want to be a good friend be there for her and dont make her feel bad for her choices. My friend made me feel insecure about it at first and i found out from her later that she was jealous.

Be the best friend you can be.
sovs
User avatar
sovs
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1590
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2003 2:10 am

Postby Fidel » Fri Jan 16, 2004 5:43 pm

Anything any body does is for money these days :(
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
User avatar
Fidel
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2014
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:12 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male

Postby sovs » Fri Jan 16, 2004 6:16 pm

I dont think so fidel :-?
If that was true then do you get paid for picking your nose? :lol:
User avatar
sovs
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1590
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2003 2:10 am

Postby Fidel » Fri Jan 16, 2004 6:21 pm

In germany probably
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
User avatar
Fidel
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2014
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:12 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male

Postby sovs » Fri Jan 16, 2004 6:30 pm

:roll:
User avatar
sovs
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1590
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2003 2:10 am

Postby Fidel » Fri Jan 16, 2004 6:45 pm

Belive me I once lived there
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
User avatar
Fidel
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2014
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:12 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male

Postby saz » Fri Jan 16, 2004 7:59 pm

Topic is veering violently off course.....
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
saz
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2109
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2003 7:23 pm
Location: Essex

Postby Fidel » Fri Jan 16, 2004 8:09 pm

yes let's get back..........
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
User avatar
Fidel
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2014
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:12 pm
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male


Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests