best friend.....prefers her other friends

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best friend.....prefers her other friends

Postby oceaniagirl » Tue Feb 03, 2004 5:19 pm

Me and my best mate have been friends for morethan ten years, we've been on holidays together and everything, but for the past few months she hardly spends any time with me, but prefers to hang around with her mates from her skool, and this bunch of pathetic lads. I can understand her wanting to be with them, but lately i've been making s much of an effort to c more of her, but she just doesnt make the effort back. It's starting to upset me cos we used to be so close, but now apparently she was heard trying to make an excuse not to meet up with me. That really hurt. should i ring her and have it out with her?cos i've been nothing but nice and i know i havent changed, whereas i think she has. help me anyone!
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Postby cheese100 » Tue Feb 03, 2004 8:29 pm

It is not fair the way she is treating you it is not just you that should have to do all the work I suggust that you confront her or move on which is hard but can be done with time.Try to find new friends at y9ur school that will appreciate you.good luck cheese xx
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Postby Llisa » Wed Feb 04, 2004 7:39 pm

It always happens.
Best friends...contrary to popular grow apart. No one intends or wants it to happen but they do.
The only thing you can do is let her know that you will always be there for her...but don't spend your time worrying about whether she is going to call you or not. If she wants to have other friends, then you're just going to have to let her.
Find other friends yourself. It's not as easy to make friends when you're older as it is when you're five ("Hi, I'm Lucy" "I'm Burnadet" "That's a nice name" "Thanks, wanna be my friend?" "OK!") but it is still possible.
Best of luck!
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The wait for that perfect someone may be long and painful, but the payoff lasts even longer, and is the most painless thing in the world.
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Postby Im_in_Chains » Fri Apr 09, 2004 1:01 pm

I understand how hurt you are feeling because I've been through the same thing myself.

Confronting your friend may not be the wisest idea. I tried to raise the issue with my friend but she became defensive. I did try to see her point of view but on the rare occasions I did hear from her, she'd tell me about the times she was spending with her other friends.

I know she'd moved out of the area and making new friends to help her settle there was one of her priorities, which I understood because I've moved out of the area (before moving back again four years later) so I know how important this is. Also, like myself she's a mother and was getting her family priorities right. Fair enough. But knowing that she was, in fact, too busy for me hurt so much.

I wrote three poems about the situation which you and others may very well relate to. The links are here...


What's Going On?

Just Say So!

What I found helped most was just to relax on her a bit. I concentrated on my friends who were more available to me and I've even made another couple of new friends who appreciate me.

Now I've found that my friend is more "switched on" with me and responsive. I suspect it's because she no longer feels the pressure from me: I tried, she didn't want to know, so I backed off and she no longer feels pressurised so she's more in touch with me now.

Why it's happened like this, I've no idea but all I can say for sure is that our friendship has changed and we won't get back what we had.

I hope what I've said has helped you.

Take care
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