The niece, the birthday boy, and a girl

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The niece, the birthday boy, and a girl

Postby KoRn_Freak » Mon Feb 23, 2004 11:00 pm

Yesterday my boyfriend and I had a major fall out with our now ex-mate Jay*.

*= pseudonym

On the Saturday night, we had a brilliant time. My boyfriend and I went to our friend's (Kyle) birthday party in the pub, having a laugh, being sociable with everyone and just basically enjoying ourselves. Since it was half term, my niece was staying with me. She's only 5 months younger than me, and ever since she met Jay a year or two ago, she's always had a thing for him, and we could all tell that either way they'd get together.
We all left at about 11:30 going to my place. My niece and I had to be back before 12, the others would go down to Kyle's for the rest of the night.

On the way back, lo and behold, Jay and my niece hit it off and you know, the french kissing comes into action and we're all dead excited for them. It was only the day after, when my niece had returned to Wales, that I found out about an hour after we got back to my place, Jay had got off with another of my mates, Alison, who was with us all night. Granted, she was fairly tipsy, but Jay was far from it. After arguing with him for over half an hour, he kept on denying it, saying he was plastered and stoned out of his head, but he'd only drank 2 pints of beer and hadn't even touched any weed.

It bothered Kyle, my boyfriend and myself the most because it's such whorish behaviour, and I personally don't find it acceptable especially when he swaps between one of my good friends and my own flesh and blood. My niece, after speaking to her, doesn't really care for the situation, but Kyle and my boyfriend both agree with me that it is a very slaggish thing to do, even if it is only kissing.

It's not as if he has a clean record anyway. When another one of our friends fancied a girl in year 11, he managed to get his tongue down her neck, following the pattern of "oh he fancies her, I think I will too". It stems into various other aspects of our former friendship which have been nagging all of us for months, but now, to be quite frank, we're sick of it, and I myself am tired of his lying, his denying and his whole attitude.

Phew! I feel much better for getting it out of my system!
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Postby saz » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:13 am

You have to accept that your friend chooses to behave this way, and isn't likely to change just because people want him to. His behaviour does hurt others but if he cant see this he might have deeper issues and problems than you realise.

Also, what you may see as morally wrong such as kissing lots of people on the same night, others dont see a problem. Lots of people are able to detach kissing from their own feelings perhaps because they like the challenge or feeling of acheivement more than the act itself. Women in particular attach feelings to intimacy, but many men do not.

He obviously doesn't see a problem and likes the way he lives his life and you have to decide whether you can see past this and stay friends because he also has other nice qualities, or end the friendship because you dont agree with his actions. I have ended friendships because i haven't agreed with their actions or morals such one of my friends taking pretty hard drugs when we were quite young which led to her getting into some horrible situations. I felt i couldn't support her any more and she wouldn't listen to me, in fact when out of her way to flaunt it, so we didn't speak for ages. She finally realised that she missed her friendships more than wanted to continue her lifestyle and we made up, but i stood my ground until that point and was glad i did.

If it really means a lot to you then stand your ground but he might not be like this forever and it doesn't sound like the other girls are taking it too seriously. He might just be looking for some fun and settle down at some point and you might really miss his friendship. It will be difficult to not be friends if you all go around together and he will feel like you are trying to tell him what he can and cant do, so think carefully. Perhaps talking to him alone would help maybe he would open up to you a bit.

Good luck i hope things work out for you.
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Postby cheese100 » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:48 pm

hi
Your friend should not have behaived that way but did you talk to him about your concerns first.Your neice and other friend dont mind so maybe you should just move on you cant do much else seeming as you have already disowned him.cheese xx
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