Losing friends all over the show!!

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Losing friends all over the show!!

Postby Flutegirl » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:46 am

Hey everyone.
I have a bit of a problem which is really beginning to do my head in. See in school I used to be part of a group of 4 friends. There was me, my best friend Rebecca and then Karen and Kylie who are best friends ( not their real names by the way). The problem begins with Karen. She pretends to be a really good friend to me and Rebecca but secretly she just slags us off behind our backs. She slags Rebecca off to me and slags me off to Rebecca. Either that or we hear her in the toliets when she thinks she's alone with Kylie.

Rebecca has had a load of problems and gets very upset at all the mean things that Karen says about her. Karen is extremely jealous of Rebecca and tends to slag her off a whole lot more than she slags me off. Now Rebecca and me have put up with this for nearly two years without saying anything, trying to give Karen a chance to change. Then we tried talking to her, just saying " Is there a problem?" you know trying to sort things out without getting into a fight. But we just got slagged off for that as well.

I felt like a really horrible friend to Rebecca ( I know about all the problems she's had and none of the others know so I get upset when I see how much Karen is hurting her) so I decided I was going to stick up for her the next time I caught Karen saying anything nasty. I caught Karen in the toliets again slagging Rebecca off (for no other reason than Jealousy) , in stead of sneaking off I went up to Karen told her I'd heard everything and told her to stop it.

Karen has not spoken to me or Rebecca since. Kylie hasn't either.
I don't have any classes in school with Karen so I find it easy to ignore her but Rebecca has to sit beside her in Spanish and Karen goes out of her way to be even more nasty and has Rebecca in tears 9/10 times. Rebecca dreads spanish now and she says it's all my fault for confronting Karen.

I feel awful now I don't know what to do. I was only trying to help my friend and it's not my fault that Karen picks on her, it's Karen's problem but Rebecca doesn't see it that way.
I don't know how to sort it all out. We can't make friends with Karen because she wont be any nicer if we're her friend but school is turning into hell with all this aggro.
I feel like it's all my fault!! Help meee!!
love fluteg!
After all you put me through you'd think I'd depise you but in the end I'm gonna thank you cause you made me that much stronger
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Postby worstfriend » Tue Mar 16, 2004 12:35 pm


It sounds to me like Rebecca has had so many problems that she has come to think that you just have to put up with others putting you down....which is not true. When you have been put down for long enough, you begin to think there really IS something wrong with you, and stop seeing it as other people's problem. Rebecca feels that you have complicated her life as you have changed the dynamics of friendships in your group i.e. by having it out with Karen you have let her know that you will stand up for Rebecca, but Rebecca doesn't feel ready to make a similar stand.

I think the first thing you should do is have Rebecca or someone else who is involved with the situation (a parent or even you yourself) talk to the Spanish teacher and have Rebecca and Karen seated apart. Karen sounds like a spiteful piece of work and Rebecca's education shouldn't have to suffer for it. Something as simple as a note saying Rebecca doesn't hear/see so well and so needs to sit at the front might be enough, though honesty is probably the best policy where this is concerned.

Next you need to talk to Rebecca and point out that you love her as a friend and couldn't stand to see Karen running her down anymore. Let her know you did it for the best reasons and she'll come round. She's probably just not used to people sticking up for her.

Karen and Kylie aren't speaking to you anymore. Well i'm tempted to say BIG LOSS! I really think you're better off without Karen, and though it's almost certainly her own insecurities which make her act this way, you still shouldn't have to deal with it day in day out. I doubt Kylie knows the full story (unless she was there at the time) and if she does and still sticks by Karen she's either a) also a spiteful person, or b) scared that if she deserts Karen she'll be the next one to be talked about.

Stick together with Rebecca and stick to your guns with Karen. You are right, she is wrong.

Best of luck

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Postby Steve a » Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:19 pm

You were right to say something. You cant go on with people slagging you off. So what if those two aren't talking to you, they are not such a great loss and not friends if they slag you off.
Can you not talk to Rebecca and explain to her what was going on? Tell her you know what a hard time she is going through and was only trying to help and that you want to help her out. Just be a good friend to her and be supportive.
Hope that helps
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