No friends on course

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No friends on course

Postby Marie » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:36 am

Been putting off posting this in here as makes me have to face it & is quite depressing for me whenever i think about it so i try not to.

I'm at uni & everyone on my course seems to have grouped off from the start. Not quite sure how i missed out on this, it probably didn't help that i wasn't well at the start of uni so just wanted to get away from lectures etc as soon as they finished, rather than talking to people which could have been what they did. But that can't be the only reason. When i look back on it i can't remember how everyone else's groups formed, it just seemed to happen almost straight away.

People do talk to people other than those in their main group but they know they belong somewhere. It's not like i don't talk to anyone on my course, i do. I have good and bad days. If the main groups are more split then it's better for me as i don't feel like i don't fit in as much but when everyone from the course is altogether, everyone's in their main groups so i don't know where to be. I kind of feel like i don't fit in properly in any of the groups, and think they might not really want me hanging around. There are two main groups that i talk to people from, plus some other people aswell. There's one group especially that i think i would fit in with, they seem like my kind of people, but i don't know what to do about it. 3 of the people seem quite close, they live really near eachother, and the other is mainly in this group but also seems to fit in in the other i mentioned. I've been talking to her most recently. But when she's not there i don't feel like i know the others well enough to go over, like i'd be in the way.

I'm quite quiet so it takes me longer to be myself around people than it does others. I'm also not very confident and maybe i just think negatively which could come across to people. But i have tried so hard, and it's not always bad. I just want people to actually like me and not just think of me as noone or someone who's in the way. I want some friends on my course, especially as there is so much group work, like field trips etc.

I've even missed some things because i can't bare the thought that i'll be the only one on my own, which has happened before. Some practicals are the worst because everyone's there so in their groups.

At least it's easter soon so i can have a break from it all. Hopefully i can make a fresh start after & hopefully things will change. There is a 2 week field trip just before i start back in september, which could either be a complete disaster, especially if i'm forgotton with room sharing etc, but i'm hoping it will give me the chance to be myself and get closer to people, i really hope so.

I just don't know what to do to improve the situation. It makes me really unhappy sometimes. I just have to remember that i do have actually have some good friends, like from my corridor & at home. But does anyone have any suggestions because my course it a big part of my life here? Please?

Marie x

[quote]Why do bad things happen to good people?![/quote]
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Postby worstfriend » Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:57 am

It sounds like you are making friends slowly, so be patient and keep speaking to these people.

The field trip will be the turning point i garauntee it, you will all get to know each other that much better. Maybe you could pack some strange supplies - baby wipes, tweezers, nail clippers, chewing gum (for people who forget their toothpaste) etc. things people might need but will forget, that way you'll be useful and more people will remember you.

Likewise, back in classes, if someone has missed a class, offer them your notes, and soon they will always remember you as someone who's helped them out.

I made about 50 friends in the first 2 weeks of uni and about 6 weeks in i made friends with a girl i thought really didn't like me, - it turned out we were both just a little shy, and after we became friends uni was much more fun. We are still mates now 5 years later. Stick in there, it'll happen for you.

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Postby Flutegirl » Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:08 am

I think the first year of anythng is always the hardest my first year at high school was hell. Everyone formed little cliques and I was left floating around from group to group not knowing where I belonged.

But as a kind 3rd year pointed out to me, in the first year these friendships aren't set in stone. All these groups of people don't know each other very well compared to their friendships from school and it takes people a while to realise that perhaps the group they're in is not the right one for them

As people to get to know each other better and you better, friendships and groups might change around a lot and you will find some good mates. Why not join some university clubs or something you're interested in? Then you'll have stuff in common with the people you meet there and if some of them turn up in your lectures later on you'll have an ice-breaker eg "Hi didn't I see you at athletics club last week?" etc etc. Try to expand your horizions also to people outside your course but also in their first year at uni. There is prob loooads of people in your year who you don't know and you ould have loads of freindship opportunities. It may feel like you're the only one who doesn't fit in right now but there's bound to be someone else feeling like that. You just have to seek them out and find them.

Good luck let us know how u get on!!
After all you put me through you'd think I'd depise you but in the end I'm gonna thank you cause you made me that much stronger
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