Friend or boyfriend?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Friend or boyfriend?

Postby Loopy » Sun Apr 04, 2004 9:55 pm

Hi !
Ok my problem is my best friend - he's a boy and I'm a girl. We live together with a couple of other people at college and we've been best friends since we moved in together about 8 months ago.

When we first met I had a boyfriend but about 3 months ago that relationship ended. My best friend (let's call him "G") and I got closer, spent even more time together and the boundaries of friendship got a bit confused. One night we went out drinking with our friends and somehow ended up alone. G kept flirting with me - pulling me really close, being more touchy feely than normal and we ended up kissing and spending the night together (nothing happened tho - we kissed a bit more and then fell asleep)

The next day when we woke up we decided to go back to being friends again which was cool with me. However! More alcohol was consumed, and G and I ended up doing exactly the same thing three more times, each time waking up the next morning and deciding to be friends again. However, it got a bit tricky when I was being chatted up by some other guy in a bar about 2 weeks after the last night G and I spent "together". G got really angry and basically had a go, we had a massive row and didn't speak for ages. We've gone back to being friends now after a looooot of apologies and stuff, but now I am very, very confused.

Yes, he is one of the best friends I've ever had, and I would never want to jepordise that just because of some physical thing, but to tell the truth we act like we're boyfriend and girlfriend most of the time, I would be jealous if he met someone else, and when we fell out it felt like I'd split up with him. I don't know whether I should just throw caution to the wind, tell him that I think we should be more than just mates, or to forget about this and try to focus on friendship. I've had boy/girl friendships before and always ended up getting hurt when they've progressed onto the next level.
As a friend I love him to pieces but I dunno... I guess I'm just a little confused about it! Any advice/help/insight from someone who has done this would be great!
Thanx!
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Postby im here to help » Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:29 pm

personally never be more than friends with your best mate been there done that now we dont speak and he's got someone else and my name is dirt to him.

We also started out as really good friends but then he became flirty one thing lead to another over a period of months and bam it went wrong.

Sometimes its just best to call it quits and leave it as friends some blokes are naturally flirty. Maybe you should ask him what he wants and if he does say mates ask him to stick to that as its not fair on you messing your head up everytime you get drunk sppend the nite then he says lets be mates.
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Postby Loopy » Mon Apr 12, 2004 1:45 pm

I think we run deeper than that though, and I really think he wants to be more than friends but is just too shy or worried I'm going to reject him, I've always been the one with a boyfriend or something else hectic.

We literally spend all our time together and I pretty much feel like he's my boyfriend anyway. I dunno.. argh! I guess I'm just worried to get involved incase I get hurt again, as my last boyfriend was an absolute joker and messed my head up good an proper.
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Postby markh » Mon Apr 12, 2004 8:02 pm

I think you and G need to sit down and have a heart to heart and discuss your situation. It sounds like you both want to be together but perhaps there is a little fear of commitment. So just talk about it and see what happens.
:D
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And there's nothing you can do,
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His name is Jesus, He loves you.

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Postby loza » Mon Apr 12, 2004 8:03 pm

sounds like you want to go out with this boy-so it dont matter wot we say to you!

go for it!!
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Postby Loopy » Wed Apr 14, 2004 7:01 pm

Hi again sorry to keep bothering you all with the same problem but I'm starting to think that im here to help's advice was probably what I should have done, I went to visit my friend shortly after posting the problem and we went out drinking (suprise suprise)
anyway we ended up in bed, this time going the whole way, and the next morning he turned around to me and said he didn't want me as a girlfriend, could we just keep it how it was (including the getting drunk and ending up together part!)
Of course I'm not happy with this, I can't believe he would say this, especially because I thought he actually liked me and that we'd end up together, I don't know what to say or do and to be honest I'm not sure if I can even speak to him at the moment I'm so confused!! What bothers me most is that I feel used and I thought he'd be the last person to do that to me.
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