Why can't I reach him?

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Why can't I reach him?

Postby loolake » Fri Apr 16, 2004 2:52 pm

I have a friend who i have known for 2 years now. He has been out with my best friend, but they split up after a couple of weeks, and now they practically hate each other. Im am still his friend.
He is a great person, its just we don't see ey to eye on things. For instance, he doesn't believe relationships can involve love (???) and I don't think he believesin love althogether. Also, he has told me being 18 is all about 'moving from bed to bed'. Obviously, I don't agrres with this and we have several discussions about this a week lol.
However, a few week ago me and him had an arguement because I had an arguement with a girl at college and he stood up for her, even though she was definetly in the wrong (long story, but trust me here). I did say some nasty things to him because i felt betrayed that he would stick up for her, even though he slags her off constantly behind her back. He pratically pushed me away from her.
Anyway, we are talking now and he is back to his usual self. He is going out with one of my friends, and he is horrible to her. He is also horrible to all my other friends behind their backs. When i try to talk to him about this, he just dismisses what i say by 'fair enough' and 'it happens'. Then he doesn't stop.
I can't reach him, and he's wrecking everything with his girlfriend, and if he slags everyone of to me, then whats to say he's not slagging me off behind my back? This is worrying as he's knows many of my secrets and I doubt whether I trust him.
How do I handle this situation?
Thanks x
" So long as there is breath in me, that long I will persist. For now I know one of the greatest principles on success; if I persist long enough I will win."
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Postby saz » Fri Apr 16, 2004 3:08 pm

I dont think this guy wants to be reached. He might be unhappy with himself, feeling low and insecure and this is why he pushes away all the help and support, plus takes his anger out on everyone. If you do value his friendship then stick by him but you might have to accept him for who is and what his beliefs are rather than trying to get him to see what you believe as right.

Maybe take a step back from getting so involved in his problems - that he creates i must add. The girl he is with is your friend too so try and stay neutral. You can't change his behaviour towards her but she shouldn't put up with him being nasty either. Leave them to sort their relationship out because then if it does go wrong you wont get the blame from either party.

Like i said it doesn't sound like he is happy but he has to want to get help or support himself. You can either stick around and at some point he might start to appreciate what a good friend you are, tell him you are no longer going to tolerate him being horrible to you and your friends. If you feel you just can't take this anymore then perhaps having a break or seeing less of him would be a good idea. He might then realise quite how his behaviour upsets you.

Good luck.
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