He wont get over her

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He wont get over her

Postby umistgirl » Tue Apr 20, 2004 5:12 pm

My friend from university had been going out with his girlfriend (who also was also my friend) for 2.5 years and they were very close. However in December she started changing and started going out clubbing ALL of the time, her attitude started to change and she wanted 'space' from her boyfriend. He then found out that she had been cheating on him with guys she met out clubbing etc.

I was shocked at her behaviour and her disrespect to my other friend and therefore i am no longer in touch with her. She split up with him saying that she wants to be single but he just cant let go, he still looks at her through rose tinted glasses. She has totally changed, when i last spoke to her she was like a different person, and he knows this but still hankers after the way she was.

My problem here is that I dont know how long i can bite my tongue with him. I am getting increasingly tempted to hit him with a wet sponge and say 'please get over her, its over' but he's still buying her 'thank you' presents for their time together etc. She lives upstairs from him, and she will ring him to tell him that she hungry and he'll go up and cook for her, or she'll tell him she's ill so he will go an dcare for her....ages after they split up they were still sleeping in the same bed as she wanted the company and affection. she makes me so mad and I cant hide this infront of my friend.

He comes to me for support and to listen to his problems with her, but - i know it sounds very uncaring and selfish- i just dont wanna hear it anymore cos he is just not helping himself...its been 4 months and he has done nothing to move on....i dont know how much more i can be 'nice' and sympathetic and not start telling him what i really think.

What should i do? Do you have to be cruel to be kind? or should i just carry on being impartial and ride out the storm. However i have started to avoid him and his messages because i dont know what more i can say without getting tough- and im scared that i will start a scathing attack about her (he still isnt prepared to here a bad word against her).

Sorry about the length.

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Postby saz » Tue Apr 20, 2004 9:06 pm

I think that you should pay her a visit and tell her that you want her to be honest with him and stop hurting him. She is being unfair but both of them might think it isn't your place to get involved. Try going to her before talking to him because he might not be very understanding and see that you are trying to help him, it might come across as a bit blunt and he might be hurt. She should talk to him it is her problem and up to her to sort out.

If she isn't willing to talk to him and this is possible because she has a very nice set up going on there, you might just have to let him find out for himself. Telling him is an option and you would only be doing it to spare him but it is likely that he wont listen.

You might have to bite your tongue but it is also easier to change the subject when it gets round to her. If you tell him she is taking advantage and he is unhappy about that, you dont have to be his sounding board if he doesn't like your opinion.

He may totally know that she is taking advantage but for some people, any attention is better than none and he might be happy to live like this. He might just need to find out on his own. Once she gets a new guy, he wont be needed anymore and then you can concerntrate on being a supportive mate in his hour of need.
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