Repeat Yellow Card Offender. Should I give the Red Card?

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Repeat Yellow Card Offender. Should I give the Red Card?

Postby Still_in_Chains » Mon Jan 03, 2005 4:46 pm

I have this "friend". Well, I thought she was until about four years ago when she moved in with the bloke she left her husband for.

Since then, I've been ignored for my effort of keeping in touch, ooh, I'd say, 98% of the time. When I raised the issue, she denied anything was wrong, yet her subsequent behaviours supported my original suspicion: that she wanted out of the friendship but didn't have the guts to say so.

I learned in late 2002 that my eldest son, who is disabled was to have surgery to realign his hip that was almost out of its socket. It was a risky and complicated operation and he could have ended up in a hip cast for a few months, which would have been a complete nightmare. Naturally, I was worried sick. I told my friend via email, sms and letter about this but she ignored them. When she did get in touch (a rareity, she completely disregarded the subject of my son's surgery). I learned early on that web contact was better via e-cards since you get a read receipt so I knew she'd been reading them and choosing to ignore them. I must have told her a dozen times to which she completely ignored. In addition to my suspicions that she wanted out of the friendship, I felt very, very hurt because, as far I was aware, I hadn't done/said anything to have caused her to distance herself from me.

So, the months passed without any indication of when the surgery would take place and, in summer 2003, my friend sent me an sms telling me she'd had a miscarriage. I immediately replied to console her; basically giving her the kind of friendly words I would have expected from her regarding my son's surgery. Since then, her response rate picked up a little which was pleasing but, at the back of my mind, I didn't trust her. A few months later when we got the first date of surgery through, she was very supportive! It was the first time she'd responded regarding this surgery. As it happens, it was cancelled a few days beforehand and didn't take place until March 2004. The operation, fortunately, wasn't as bad it could have been as the first thing the surgeon tried had succeeded so my son didn't need to wear a hip cast and recovery was faster.

We knew my son was to have further surgery on his hamstring tendons so we waited again. The hospital contacted us day before New Year's Eve with a cancellation on 5th January. I notified my friends including the distant one but, once again, she didn't reply. The following evening, I sent her a Happy New Year message. She replied to that some 28 hours later but completely ignored the message regarding my son. I know she got it because I got a delivery report. Ok, I understand she could have been busy but why reply to the 2nd message and not the 1st? So, I sent her another message today about the surgery but... silence.

I did promise myself that if she ignored me again without explanation or did something equally unnerving, I'd let the friendship go. For good.

What I'm asking is, should I give her the Red Card now or wait for God knows how long for her to get in touch and completely disregard the subject as she has in the past?

Thanks for reading.
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Postby umistgirl » Tue Jan 04, 2005 1:49 pm

I can really understand your dilemma. You dont want to let go of something that you regard as important yet you know that it is doing you no good to hold on to it.

My advice is that she has had enough chances you should not grace her with your friendliness anymore. She does not appreciate a good friend (which you have been) and as such it is her loss, and she will be the one who will end up regretful and lonely.

I know it will be hard for you at first, because with letting go comes accepting it and realising that the friendship has failed. However look on it as a new beginning, without the baggage of a bad friend you have more time and effort to spend on your existing good friends and new friends.

Take care

Tracey x
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Postby BlueRayman » Tue Jan 04, 2005 3:45 pm

I second you've been overly patient(sp?) with your friend and yet they keep acting this way.
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Postby Moose » Tue Jan 04, 2005 8:59 pm

I really would not bother to get in touch with this person again. You have tried more times than most, and she doesn't seem to care as much as she should if she is your friend.

Although it is always sad to lose a friend, you sound as if you have other people in your life who can give you the same amount of support that you give them.
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