My friend's girlfriend is driving him and us, his mates, mad

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My friend's girlfriend is driving him and us, his mates, mad

Postby LME79 » Sun Jan 16, 2005 10:15 pm

Hi all

Long read, but all is relevant, I'm sorry!

I'm very very worried about one of my friends. He has been dating his girlfriend for two years and the relationship has got to be one of the most fiery relationships I've had the "fortune" to witness. She is always winding him up and he is probably the most laid back guy that I know. The taunts are more playful during the day, like banter, but once she has a drink she gets more spiteful. Examples of taunts are as follows (with stronger language though):

"Men are all idiots. Can't trust any of them"
"I'm your wench. That's what you think of me"
"I don't have a very good bedside manner, you told me"

All of the above are the nicer ones and are used to get a reaction out of him. When they have both had a drink, my friend will get angry about it and will argue back, which obviously sets the girlfriend off therefore the row will escalate. To add insult to injury, she's an outrageous flirt and will flirt with anyone that pays her attention, even amongst his mates. Obviously my mate gets irritated with this but when he confronts her she accuses him of allsorts; jealousy, chauvenism etc etc. She's extremely insecure in herself although she won't admit this.

For the past two years the arguments have had the ability to ruin nights out at the drop of a hat. One example is our Christmas meal. I organised a Christmas meal for our entire friendship group in London and co-ordinated where everyone had to meet at what time etc. She'd been drinking from 4pm for her work Christmas drinks and my mate had tried to sober her up (to which she kicked off apparantly). When we got to the restaurant she was intent on humiliating him and ending up trying to throw wine over him (which landed on my better half). She started crying when my mate had a go at her so by the time the food came, she was all "I've lost my appetite" in a "woe is me" shakesperean actress manner. Then she started going on and on and on about "me me me me me me me me isn't my life hard me me me" to someone in the group and I got upset by this as I had organised a night out and she'd managed to ruin it (even though everyone else said it was a wicked night).

Last night was the last straw though. We went to a comedy club and the same thing happened. She was drunk and flirting with strangers in the after-disco and my mate was just laid back about it.
We got a cab on the way back and another mate of ours vomited. She was sitting in the front and crawled over the driver to get over to help (she was not needed, she was doing it for attention). My mate said to me "hey, can I crawl on your head?" as a joke and the response from her was "it's been obvious for two years about you two". Other remarks included "she can bog off" (only with stronger language) and I also got called a "sponging ponce" as I had to borrow £2 off of someone.

I was very upset by this as, ironically, I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by having a go and I thought it would ruin the night when the night had probably all been ruined.

My mate was also upset and angry by her behaviour and he has been a shadow of himself for ages now. He claims it's because he's getting used to reality again (he came back from Iraq a couple of months a go) and yes, that will be part of it. But I'm sure she's dragging him down. They're living together and I'm sure this isn't useful.

I don't know how to be a good mate. I don't want to poke my nose in but at the same time, he's like a brother to me.

Sorry for the long read.

Help!

xx
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Postby lilessexgal » Sun Jan 16, 2005 10:47 pm

well if he is likea borther to you couldnt you ask him about it? like just say so hows are you and (whatever her name is) so your not exactly jumping straight into the deep end! this girl does seem spiteful and needs to back down a bit and realise the owrld does not revolve around her! someone needs to teach her a lesson! shes lucky to have your mate because most men would of probably dumped her by now! i think you should try and talk to your mate about!?
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Postby LME79 » Sun Jan 16, 2005 11:06 pm

Yeah that's what I'd normally do mate, but the thing is that I rarely see him on his own now. He's based up north and is currently on leave (actually he's on a much needed lad's week abroad at the moment). They practically live together so they're ALWAYS together which is blatantly not the best thing for them.

She's very very clingy too when she's sober. My mate won't leave her because he's scared he'll mess her head up like her last boyfriend. I said to him that he's got to think of himself too.......he says he will but he's not at the moment. He got screwed over by his last girlfriend too so I'm not sure what's going through his head. He's not the most open of men despite the fact I can read him like a book.
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Postby lilessexgal » Sun Jan 16, 2005 11:11 pm

hmmmmm then this is a tough one! if you cant talk to him there is not alot you can do except be there for him when he needs it! it sounds like your already doing as much as you can! is there anyone you know that knows this girl quite well who could try and talk some sense into her and tell her to back down a bit or she will drive him away!
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Postby silver tree » Mon Jan 17, 2005 8:40 am

While she sounds completely out of order when drunk I think the fact that when she's sober she's clingy to him is understandable. If my b/f had just come back from Iraq then I think I would want to spend lots and lots of time with him and be a little paranoid due to the fact that he could have been killed while he was out there.

I think your mate probably knows that she annoys the rest of you but, as he loves her doesn't know what to do for the best on nights out. I think if you talk to your mate do so very carefully as he could take it the wrong way if you come over like you are witching about the girl he loves. As they are living together etc they are obviously serious and maybe if you start an argument you could find his loyalties ultimately lie with her and not you.

Me and my b/f have a similiar problem with his brother's girlfriend at the moment, she is a real stirrer and wants to always control everything but my b/f and his family know from past experience not to try and bring up the subject with his brother. This girl sounds a little different at least as my b/f's brother's girlfriend would never let him go on a lad's week holiday so maybe everything is not as bad as you think it is.
Last edited by silver tree on Tue Sep 20, 2005 1:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby LME79 » Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:59 am

Ah, I should have mentioned that she was clingy to him before Iraq and that she would always ruin nights out before this.

The only time she's been reasonable is when she came to visit all of us when he was in Iraq.

Weird one innit :-?
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Postby BlueRayman » Mon Jan 17, 2005 11:45 am

Personally I'd tell him. If his g/f is a bit of a witch (which is what your all thinkin) then I'd tell him. Hell if my g/f was a bit of a witch I'd want to know. Sometimes you can't see whats right in front of your face untill somebody points it out to you. Thers nothing wrong with having the odd argument about the silly little things thats normal and bound to happen every now and again. If you can see this is affecting your friend in a negative way you should tell him.

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Postby LME79 » Tue Jan 18, 2005 4:27 pm

this has been sorted now.

Cheers everyone.

Whoop!
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Postby BlueRayman » Tue Jan 18, 2005 4:35 pm

well how, we need to know how to fix such a problem.
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Postby LME79 » Tue Jan 18, 2005 5:22 pm

She badgered me on MSN :) she apologised and I told her honestly about what she'd done and how I felt.

We're meeting up for a proper chat on Wednesday, she does seem genuinely sorry.
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Postby lilessexgal » Tue Jan 18, 2005 6:47 pm

well thats goos and at least she is seeing now that she is a being a bit out of order and is willing to chat to you about it! good luck! :D :D
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