Can't help these feelings

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Can't help these feelings

Postby Cens101 » Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:21 pm

Hi,
I while ago I told a good friend that I really liked her and she freaked out and never spoke to me for ages. We've since started speaking to each other again and everything seems to be back to normal. The trouble is I still have these feelings for her and I don't know what to do. When I told her before and she rejected me I was fine with that cos I really care about her and I told her that all I needed to know was how she felt about me (obviously she never felt the same way). I told her that I could let go of the feelings I had for her, and I did, but since we've started talking again these feelings have come back but I just can't tell her again cos it would make things even worse than they were before and I don't wanna put her through that again. It's tearing me up inside knowing that I shouldn't tell her. I'm still happy being friends with her, it's just that I really feel strongly about her and I feel I can make things work with her, but she doesn't feel the same.

She's told me about past boyfriends that she's had and how they've treated her badly and I makes me mad that some people could do this to her as I would never dream of anything like that.

She means alot to me as a friend which is why I darn't tell her again how I feel cos it would end our friendship in an instance. I lost her trust first time around but i think she's slowly regaining trust in me and that's something else I don't wanna risk losing again.

There is an age difference as well which I know is why she freaked out so much and i cannot blame her for that, she's 16 and i'm 26. Don't get the wrong impression here, I care about her alot and I would never do anything to upset her, these feelings I have for her are not for the wrong reasons.
Cens101
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:54 pm

Postby mew_mew_kitten » Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:30 pm

Sorry if this seems harsh, but the reality is, if she rejected you first time round she probably won't want to go out with you now. If you have just managed to build up your friendship again after the incident before, why ruin it in one moment again?
You could tell her how you feel. If you do, be prepared for what happened last time. 10 years is a big age gap when she's that young. I'm 16 and used to go out with someone who was 22. We never had any problems with our age difference, but I know some of my friends were doubtful.
She may have rejected you not because she doesn't like you, but because of what people will think, and if her parents will approve or not.

Is she still in school? I'm only saying this because the attitude about age-gap relationsips changes as soon as you start college and leave school.

It may just be that you're not a match. Surely its better to just be friends with her than no contact at all?
mew_mew_kitten
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 12:52 am

Postby SugarRainbows » Wed Feb 23, 2005 5:33 pm

I agree with mew_mew_kitten, dont you think its better to have a friendship contact than no contact at all?

If you feel you need to let the feelings out because they are tearing you up in side then how about confiding in a friend or a diary so that your letting them out but not telling her. It may seem an odd thing to do but it will help.

Eventually these feelings may go away, and if your happy being friends with her now then can you continue doing this?
User avatar
SugarRainbows
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 529
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 10:55 pm

Postby captainf » Wed Feb 23, 2005 8:20 pm

Hi

All i'm gonna say is that I can totally relate to how you feel!

Okay, so what you must do is just keep her as a friend because I think that if you tell her that you still feel for her, it could have the potential to ruin a great friendship.

I've learnt recently that telling someone that you are so close to, that you want more than friendship really isn't worth doing especially as it's risking a friendship that you already hold so closely. You have got to be her friend and nothing more. It will take you some time to get over your feelings but you will over come them in time.

Just take it one day at a time mate. You will be okay! You don't want to lose her as a friend, as i've come to realise friendships are more important than g/f's.

I'm always here if you want to talk.

Captain Flynn
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
User avatar
captainf
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 4763
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 6:28 pm
Location: Milton Keynes
Gender: Male

Happy to be friends

Postby Cens101 » Sat Mar 19, 2005 1:26 am

Thanks for all the advice guys/gals.

I've come to think now that I would happy just to be friends with her and I've got no problem with that, like you said, better to be friends than not being to speak to her at all! I still care about her alot as a person and I love her as a friend and that's something I don't want to risk losing 'cos telling her would just make things worse again and I don't want to lose her again.

Things between us are slowly getting back to how they were before which is good 'cos she didn't even want to look at me after I told her how I felt.

She probably doesn't know how much I do care about her, but I don't think telling her this would be good 'cos she'd probably still think I "fancy" her when the truth is I care about her alot as a friend and nothing more (if you know what i mean by that)

Anyway, thanks again for the help. It's made me think how true friendships can be better than relationships.
Cens101
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:54 pm

Postby captainf » Sat Mar 19, 2005 1:46 am

I am so glad to hear that she is talking to you now! Keeping her as a friend was a wise decision and atleast this way she will remain in your life. You won't go 10yrs down the line and think 'I wonder what has become of her?'

A close friendship is so much more important than a relationship and i'm so glad that your situation seems to have resolved itself before the possible catastrophic ending. Sometimes we learn this lesson by losing someone that we hold dear to us, but I think that you've luckily learnt that lesson and managed to keep her in your life - you are so lucky, unlike me!

I wish you all the best of luck though. You never know, she may grow to love you in later years.

Best wishes and i'm so glad it worked out well in the end.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
User avatar
captainf
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 4763
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 6:28 pm
Location: Milton Keynes
Gender: Male

Postby elmo24 » Mon Mar 21, 2005 5:06 pm

Yes, like captain_flynn says she may grow to love you. Or she may not...but at least she knows how you feel now. If she ever feels the same she'll feel less apprehensive about saying something to you. But for now, you're making the best decision - you value her friendship and this is most important to you.

You'll be fine :wink:
All you need is love...
User avatar
elmo24
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 124
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:01 pm
Location: The North


Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests