he makes me feel uncomfortable

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he makes me feel uncomfortable

Postby stellar » Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:01 am

hi

well i'm a member of this PP site but I also frequent other forums too (hence the reason i've been away but i always come back!)
well basically, have been getting to know the regulars on a music site pretty well, but recently i keep getting private messages from this other member, he's male btw.
nothing too sinister, just conversation, but it is slowly getting more intrusive, asking q's about my personal life etc
the thing is, i have a boyfriend and i find this level of cyber commuication a bit uncomfortable, he even sends me kisses now... i'd just like to add that i did not initiate any of this contact, he just sent me mail out of the blue and now i can't shake him off! arrgh! how can you be nice but firm at the same time? should i just say that my boyfriend doesn't like it? or should i get my boyfriend to send him a message saying to go away?

any advice appreciated, i'm considering just deleting my membership and not going back but it'd be well annoying to lose contact with the people, and changing my username would be hard too cos then i'd have to tell people, plus risk that he'd find out.. oh i don't know!
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Postby Angelcake_Angel » Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:47 am

tell him "my boyfriend says hi btw" lol
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Postby matchbox 20 » Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:57 pm

hey,

i had the exact same problem, apart it was a girl who tried to get cyper-intimate with me :o

What i did was gradually stop contact with her, and since it is a pm just don't answer the personal questions, and make friendly nuetral conversation, slightly making your pms shorter and lesser, he may still be funny with you but if he is, or he questions why you are being "off" or different with him just say you are a busy gal with alot of things on your plate at the moment, usually they loose interest and stop contact. Hope this helps :)

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Postby Moose » Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:48 pm

If you're not really friends with this guy, you could simply not answer his PMs. Or... if you are friends with him, you could actually tell him up front that you don't want to PM him anymore. Make sure you tell him the reason why though, because, if he is totally genuine, he won't know what he has done.

It could be that he just wants to be friends, but he maybe doesn't realise how he's coming across. You could be doing him a favour by telling him to step back a bit - maybe he will think more carefully about what he says in PMs.

On the other hand, he might be a mad internet stalker. So either way, you should say something to him if you're not happy with how it's going.
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Postby all_apologies » Sun Feb 27, 2005 4:44 pm

I wouldn't worry about being "firm but nice". I'd use that approach if someone in real life was making me uncomfortable, but on the net it's much easier to be blunt because you don't have to face the person.
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Postby SugarRainbows » Sun Feb 27, 2005 4:52 pm

I agree with moose you should speak to him.

Ignoring him will probably just make him worse because he'll get worried then and probably start pm'ing you loads.

However you shouldnt just leave it how it is if your uncomfortable. Next time he asks a question just reply 'i dont mean to sound rude but thats a bit personal'

Does he know you have a boyfriend? If not then it would be worth mentioning it just so he knows where he stands with you.

If it does become too much and he doesnt leave you alone, even though youve made it clear where he stands with you then report him to the site. You should also just delete anything from him. He will know where he stands and therefore shouldnt be posting you with intrusive information and questions.
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Postby lilessexgal » Sun Feb 27, 2005 10:28 pm

i think you should just slowly not email back as much and if that dont work then tell him exactly what you think about his emails and then if that dont work lol get your boyfriend to say something or pretend to be your boyfriend lol! hes not going to know wether your him or not!
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Postby arwen » Mon Feb 28, 2005 11:40 am

I thought most forums allowed you to block messages from certain members if they became a nuisance?

Failing that, I would just ignore his messages until he takes the hint, or if you are feeling brave tell him outright to get lost!
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Postby SoCo_heart » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:46 pm

I had a similar problem with some guy. He kept sending me loads of hugs and kisses over msn, and I just kind of said, instead of sending one back, just speak to ya later...or something. I also tried to make my conversations boring so he didn't want to talk to me. Eventually though I just had to block him, because it was getting too much. Maybe you could block this guy?
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Re: he makes me feel uncomfortable

Postby Lorelei » Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:06 pm

stellar wrote:how can you be nice but firm at the same time? should i just say that my boyfriend doesn't like it? or should i get my boyfriend to send him a message saying to go away?


If I were you, I'd try saying that your boyfriend doesn't like it and you've promised that you won't chat to him online again. If that doesn't work, maybe you could get your boyfriend to intervene. In any case, I like the 'playing the boyfriend card' idea. It's probably the least hurtful way to get rid of him!
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Postby elmo24 » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:15 pm

Yep I agree. Say you have enjoyed talking to him but hadn't realised that he might have been reading into things and that wasn't your intention at all. You talked it over with your boyfriend and he said he would prefer you not to pm this guy anymore...

Hope you sort it :D
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